Several months ago, I began my journey of healing. During that time, I’ve learned some things about some of the things that I had experienced in the past and certain connections between some of those experiences and some of the struggles that I currently face. Because of this, I decided to separate myself from certain situations, simply because I wanted time to deal with some of these things. There were just some things and people that I needed to get away from. I wasn’t trying to do anything wrong, or mean or hateful. I just wanted to be able to process and work through some of the things that I had been dealing with. Within that time, I’ve learned that certain individuals were upset with me because I didn’t tell them about what I was doing. The thing is, for so long, they chose to exclude, isolate, and shut me out. They usually wanted nothing to do with me unless they wanted something, or maybe they felt obligated. It wasn’t because they genuinely wanted me around. There had been times when I had to drop everything for them, and it didn’t matter if I had plans. I was put in the middle of their problems, which was quite awkward and uncomfortable for me. I had to work my life and plans around this, and yet, they act as though I’ve never done anything for them. Whenever I was around them, oftentimes, I would end up feeling drained and sick emotionally, mentally, and physically to the point where I would shut down. I would often feel like a misfit around them, like I didn’t belong, and I couldn’t be myself around them. They can humiliate me, belittle me, or make jokes at my expense, and I’m supposed to be okay with that. They can treat me like I’m not good enough, and that’s okay. They can blame me for everything that goes on and then turn around and act as though I should feel blessed and privileged to be in their presence. Everything is a competition to them, even the most petty things, and they take pleasure in rubbing it in my face whenever they hear about something that could affect me negatively. They dragged me through the mud because of something that they chose to blame me for, telling people about how horrible I was and that it was all my fault, making me feel like a piece of garbage and that hurt, and yet, I’m supposed to want to be around them. I decided to distance myself from this and as a result, they decided to play the victim, and I’m the one who’s the problem. I’ve also been humiliated in public because of something that happened when I was 14. They told their version of what happened, twisting the story, telling them things that didn’t actually happen. This isn’t the only time that they’ve done this, and every time, I was the one who was blamed and/or condemned.
On a lighter note, I’ve been rather busy with the numerous projects that I’ve been working on. One of the projects was a book that I had recently published, The Gift, which was based on the video project that I had done not too long ago.
The inspiration behind the video project was the game series that I had created. It was based mostly on the third game, which was a holiday themed game.
I’ve had a lot of fun with each of these projects, whether it was the book, video, or the games. I’ve been considering the idea of creating more projects inspired by the project later on.
