Is it cool to hate?

In his 1992 book "Rising Sun," author Michael Crichton wrote briefly about the social hierarchy of Asian societies. The book focuses on a Japanese technology firm and their business negotiations and how a business deal revolves around a murder.

In the book, correctly or not, Crichton says that Japanese people tend to think Americans are all racist, because they come from a racial hierarchy and assume everyone thinks the same.

(I've heard of this "Asian racial hierarchy" idea from a Chinese American friend as well, so Crichton wasn't just making things up for his book. Also, this is from memory some 27 years later, so I might not be 100% accurate with Crichton's narrative).

The point is— Humans want to believe that others think just like they do.

Of course, we don't all think alike, but we believe we're correct and that others, with enough information, would come around to our point of view.

It doesn't work that way.

Anyway, the US is currently divided (basically) into the "right" and the "left." One side believes in personal responsibility over social programs to advance humanity, and one side believes that social programs are the best way we can lift people up.

The personal responsibility people suggest that we all have great potential if we're willing to tap into it. This requires that we identify what's wrong, so that we can individually fix our problems.

The social program supporters suggest that a person can't lift himself up because of systematic problems. If there are systematic problems, then someone's deficiencies aren't an area to be improved, because that isn't the real problem— “it's the system.”

Who is right? That doesn't matter.

Humans have this characteristic called "ego investment." Our egos —our sense of pride and identity— generally come from our beliefs. If someone challenges those beliefs, it's akin to challenging the person's very identity and self.

"I'm smart and I see this truth. How dare you say my truth isn't fact? Are you saying I'm not smart?"

Facts and figures don't have opinions, but if those facts contradict our beliefs, we tend to see it as a personal attack.

By this rational, identifying someone's choices (which are facts, they happened) as a source of problems …and not pinning blame on the social circumstances… is "hate" or "victim blaming."

René Girard discusses in his book “Things Hidden Since the Foundation of the World” that humans tend to mimic and mirror one another in our attempt to gain control. We identify ourselves as the opposite (mirror) of the 'other.' We rise up to fight the good fight, to defeat the 'other' …and in the process, we forget all about the reason we're fighting.

If you think one side is filled with hate and anger (because their ideas or facts injure your ego), you too will become filled with hate in a mimetic attempt to do battle.

And if a social group agrees the 'other' group is hateful (true or not), they too will accept hate as an acceptable tool — but they'll identify it as virtue for themselves.

Now, to your question.

What's "cool" is defined by what's accepted in our social circle, which we generally prefer to follow (or we might end up ostracized).

If anger and violence is an acceptable outlet for a disagreement —seen as hate from the others because their facts don't line up with our beliefs— then yes our own hate is seen as a "cool" and justified and acceptable response.

This isn't limited to any single side of an argument:

• The left's silent acceptance of the violent Antifa as a force for social good. (It's not)
• The right's chants of "Lock Her Up!" qualify as well, although more focused on a single person's irresponsibility (and not a social change).

Either way—

Allowing this hate into our life is incredibly destructive to our own well-being and happiness and optimism. Politics only exacerbates this, because nuance is difficult and people are invested in their egos (and their 'tribe') being correct.

Compassion is the alternative, which requires that we drop our ego investment, and we look out for the well-being of other individuals.

Compassion is difficult because it's a different game than what most everyone around us plays! We fear looking weak to others. We fear being different. We fear the negative opinion others might hold. It's easier to remain silent or blindly become a part of the mob, or else be ostracized from the group that once accepted us.

Personally, no, hate is not cool.

But for many people, it's much easier to go with the crowd and be "cool," even if "our hate is a virtue" is the approach of that group.

Choose wisely. Thanks for reading. Be well.