A few years ago, I could be considered a hikikomori. I did not leave the house more than a handful of times per year, and that was only when it was absolutely neccessary. I didn't become a recluse willingly, but because I was bullied both inside and outside of school, and had nowhere to turn to but home. It ended up lasting for years. Here are a few things I can say about it:

• The internet was my life, with online gaming taking a special place. It allowed me to seek the social contacts I craved, and to forget my own life, and the loser that I felt I was. Without the internet, it would seem a lot more likely that I'd have committed suicide.
• I did not work, I did not go to school. The longer my reclusive situation continued, the more terrified I became of those things, because I completely lost my social skills. Conversation is really something I have to learn all over again; even today, a lot of the time when other people talk to me, I don't respond. This is because, while I am thinking about what they are saying, it doesn't even occur to me to say something in return. You get used to thinking, because most of the time there is no one else to talk to, so talking isn't an automatic response anymore.
• I did still see my parents, but I never went to see the rest of the family, either when they came to visit or when my parents went to visit there. When they visited, I'd be sure to stay in my room and not make a sound, so that my parents could pretend I wasn't home (they were embarrassed about my unwillingness to see my family). My family members have strongly started to dislike me because they never saw me anymore.
• I always kept the curtains closed, because I was paranoid that my bullies would know my neighbours and be able to see me, and perhaps film me or find other ways to humiliate me. Nobody was allowed to see my safe haven.
• I mostly went downstairs to raid the fridge and cabinets after my parents had gone to bed. I was always hungry at night because I never went downstairs to grab some food for myself. The only thing I ate during daytime was dinner, together with my parents.
• I stayed awake the entire night, and went to bed in the early morning. Because of my extreme loneliness, I was 24/7 anxious and stressed out. Online gaming simply distracted me from that feeling, but when it was time to go to bed, I'd have anxiety attacks. I would sob like a crazy person every morning. I needed to put on sounds, either music, nature sounds, ASMR videos, to be able to stop panicking and fall asleep. I also slept extremely long hours, between 12 and 14.

That's pretty much all that came to mind about my life back then. Nowadays, things are better, but I've still retained some habits that are hard to shake.

I teach some of these kinds of socially isolated individuals, so I can only comment from the outside. I know in some ways I feel similar, in that I can be outgoing, though at times I find it draining, especially dealing with large groups of people who I don't know well (oddly enough, I teach for a living). That being said, socially withdrawn hikikormori often don't leave their rooms in severe cases, and may only eat at night when the rest of the family is sleeping. Less severe cases do work, and there is an organization to help these people interact with each other and do work that causes them less stress.

These kinds of people exist in most societies, though there tends to be more of them in Japan, and the degree of withdrawal is usually more severe. In addition, the condition is not always recognized as a type of problem, and so this allows some of these people to develop unhealthy personalities based on fantasy relationships.

Not my experience, but a Western friend of mine living in Japan dated a Japanese girl who was a hikikomori. He managed to get her number when visiting the store she worked at. She seemed outgoing and friendly.

He started to figure out that she was shy. They met once a month for the first few months. He had quite a difficult time getting her to go out, but did not want to push or seem needy.

My friend and I share the opinion that opposites attract. He is outgoing. She is shy. On dates, he did most of the talking. He tried to draw her out with open questions. “What do you think about ___?” He still ended up carrying the conversation. She was very petite, but sometimes ordered salad, an entree, and dessert. When he tried to get her to talk, she would take a bite of food and just smile.

On one date, they went from dinner to a nice coffee shop where they got a seat on a sofa. He held her hand. She was very nervous. When he would try to get her to talk, she was just smile or giggle. He thought it was because he is a foreigner. He’s a fairly handsome guy, and thought maybe she just wanted to be seen with him. That sometimes happens, thought not as much as it used to.

She was a big fan of online gaming. She never showed him the games she played, even though he asked her in an effort to get to know her better.

She was very private. He never did find out where she lived, other than an hour away from Shinjuku. He never learned anything about her family, pets, friends, or anything she liked other than cell phone games.

In spite of all of this, he started to have real feelings for her and asked her to be his girlfriend. Before saying yes, she explained that she was a hikikomori. For those who don’t speak Japanese, that is basically a person who doesn’t leave home. It turns out that she was not afraid of going out. She was afraid of people. He thought that was odd because she worked in retail.

Dating in Japan is fairly straightforward. If it’s going to go forward, you know by the 3rd or 4th date. This couple was together a few months and went on about 10 dates without going past holding hands. He didn’t want to push her away so he took his time.

They never did sleep together. He liked her and planned a nice vacation out of town, thinking that it was going to be the big weekend. She didn’t eat much at dinner, making him wonder if she was feeling ok. When they got to the room and both took showers, she stayed in the shower for what seemed like an eternity. She came out and asked if he was still awake.

She sat on the sofa across the room. Eventually she sat next to him on the bed. She whispered that she was inexperienced with men. She was in her mid-20’s so he asked how long she had been single. “My whole life. I’m a virgin.” Her voice was so quiet that he had to strain to hear her.

He truly liked her and explained that he was only interested in a long-term relationship. After a very long time, she joined him in the bed, but put a pillow between them, covering her face. That night, he managed to get one kiss, but the pillow stayed between them the whole night.

Eventually, he fell asleep. When he woke up the next morning, she was dressed and her makeup was on. The room included breakfast but he wasn’t hungry. She didn’t like to eat in front of people. He suggested room service, but she said she needed to get home.

After that weekend, she sent him a message and said she needed to talk to him. He expected an explanation. Instead she broke up with him. He knew enough about dating in Japan to expect being ghosted. They never had contact again.

Note: Edited to add some more about what it was like for my friend to date her because the original reply focused too much on the absence of sex in the relationship.

It's pretty depressing, it's like they have died and whenever you speak to them (always online text ie with Skype or Discord) it's like speaking to a ghost. I only discovered the term today so I don't know if all hikikomori’s spend their time on their computer, but my friend pretty much created an internet persona called “Aerie” that has became who he is now. He asked me “do you still see me as Ruairidh?” (his birthname, he is also on the autistic spectrum) and that really put into perspective how much he has grown into aerie over the 2 and a half years he has been shut in. He knows that it will impact him negatively in the future but he said that he is to invested in his own world as Aerie and to content as him to even want to face reality. I find it really fascinating but I miss seeing my friend being able to function in society. I am also jealous that he is able to experience what it is like to be isolated for this much time, I dont have the balls to do it. And my mum wouldn't let me sit on my computer for the rest of her life while she pays for the Internet. (Also this happened in Scotland not Japan)

I had a recovering hikikomori as a student for several years. She had retreated from the workforce and into a room in her parents’ house to read novels for about 6 years until she decided to venture out to take English lessons, of all things.

She was timid and awkward at first, but she was a fast learner. She had the same few classmates every week, and they were very kind and accepting. She gradually began to show more of her personality.

It took a couple of years, but at some point, I remember being in the classroom teaching the lesson before hers and hearing her distinctive laugh coming from the lobby.

I didn’t know her as a shut-in but as someone who, at the point in her life when we met, was being very brave and taking what felt to her like a huge risk. I don’t know the details of why she became a hikikomori; I only know her first job experience out of university was a negative one. I don’t know what prompted her to start taking English lessons, either, but it seemed to me like she had a very supportive family who may have encouraged her.

She was still taking English classes when I left the school to have my baby, and she had started going on job interviews. She had started taking trips around Japan with her parents, too. I told her she should travel abroad to practice her English, but she swore she would never get on a plane.

I liked her. She was smart, funny, and had a good imagination and a complex inner life.

I hope she’s doing well. In fact, I’m glad this question came up: it reminded me that I should ask some old coworkers how she’s doing.

I don’t agree with people who say let them be as they like and eventually they will come out when they have no other option left. Some people describe them as lazy and freeloaders, that too is incorrect.

First of all you have to understand that the person who is a Hikikomori is not so by choice. They want to come out of their mental prison, but they can’t. It’s like they are chained to a stake. They have suffered mental pain in some or the other form so much that they don’t want to be hurt by the society again. They fear being judged and ridiculed by the society.

Dealing with such a person is not easy. You never know how he might react to your actions, even though you were just trying to help him. The first step in dealing with a hikikomori is friend support. I have seen interviews of many former hikikomoris who said that one of the biggest factors that ultimately lead to him coming out of his shut-in life was that his friends never gave up on him. They kept calling him and visiting him, trying to talk to him, convince him that there is more to life. Friends should never give up on a hikkis, their support can turn thing upside down.

In Japan, there is a support group founded by former recluse Naohiro Kimura, who was a hikikomori for almost a decade. He, along with some other people founded ひきこもり新聞 (Hikikomori-News) to help modern day hermits come out and join the society. There are a lot of support groups which is attended by hikikomoris, in which they express their feelings and are supported by other members. In one YouTube video I saw an interaction event where high school students interacted with hikikomoris , trying to know the reason behind it and ending the stigma in Japanese society about this topic.

In societies like that of Japan, where too much importance is given to success and failure is not an option, the phenomenon of hikikomori is very common. The stigma and taboo around hikikomori needs to end. People need to know that it is okay to fail. Not everyone who didn't live up to the expectations of his parents failed in life. One failure opens the path to a hundred more options. The important thing in life is to never give up. As far as the society is concerned, let them gossip, let them talk trash about you behind your back because they don’t matter. This life was given to you to live to its fullest and not to please others. That being said, once you stop thinking about “What will people think about me?”, you will start experiencing true happiness. After all, happiness comes from within, not outside.

First, you need to prepare to become a hikikomori. You will need:

1. Money: This means wither being rich or having a job that allows you to work from home. (I trust that you aren’t the sort to leech off of someone else).
2. A residence preferably one you own. (The last thing you want is a landlord deciding to kick you out once the lease is up).
3. Good cleaning habits. (You want your home to remain free of pests).
4. A computer and internet access. (So you can purchase what you need without leaving home).
5. The ability to cook. (For the sake of both your health and wealth you should only eat take out sparingly).
6. Emergency supplies including extra water, food, and a first aid kit. (Everyone should have these, but you’ll need the food and water more often then most since your internet could go down).
7. Vitamin D supplements. (As you won’t be getting much sunlight)
8. If at all possible you should have a trusted friend or family member who checks up on you at least once a day. (Both become such contact is healthy and they can make sure you haven’t suffered some severe injury).
1. If you don’t have someone like that. You’ll want to take steps to reduce your risk of injury. For example, you shouldn’t have any tall book shelves. (They could fall and injure you during an earthquake).

You are now ready to become a hikikomori. One last bit of advice, make sure you maintain a healthy lifestyle in terms of diet, exercise, hygiene, sleep, etc.

Thank you for the A2A. This surprised me too, but they are not the same, though the word hikikomori and NEET seemed to be used interchangeably at times. As a simple answer, some hikimori are also NEETs, but not all NEETs are hikikomori.

To understand the differences (in Japan), let's look at the definition of NEET and Hikikomori provided by the Ministry of Labor in Japan which I found on a helpful web page:

ニート NEET

Roughly translated the above states: Simply put, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare defines NEET as those who have the following characteristics:

• Ages 15–34
• Not having worked at all on the last week of that month
• (Including those not employed formally) those who do not have a job or those who are not in the process of looking for a job or those who will not immediately look for a job
• Not a student
• No matter whether earning an income or not, someone who is not helping out at a family business
• Someone who is not a full time stay at home husband or wife or who doesn't help out with chores at home

In essence, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare defines as NEETs “young people without a job and who are not in schooling or helping out at home.”

引きこもり Hikikomori

In contrast, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare defines hikikomori to mean:

“Those who as a result of a variety of factors avoid social contact with the principle being that they are at home for a length of greater than six months.”

Putting the above together, we can see how a NEET might be a hikikomori (by avoiding contact with society for more than six months). Such a NEET/Hikikomori would need to be “a young person without a job and who is not in a school or at home helping out while being closeted for a period of more than six months.” As such, NEETs that still participate in society by joining clubs or working in non-formal industries would not be hikikomoris according to the definitions above.

In fact, according to the information pulled from the same website above with the definitions, “a little less than 50% of NEETs are also hikikomori.” This means that in Japan more than 50% of NEETs are not hikikomori.

Extra: Something I didn't know before but according to the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, those people between the age of 35 and 44 who share the same characteristics as NEETs are called 中年無業者 (ちゅうねんむぎょうしゃ) or “middle aged people without a job.”

Hope this helps.

The Japanese word of hikikomori is a result of ostracizing acts. Young Japanese in particular practice this and the victims of such incidents do not seem to decrease.

The reason of ostracizing can be anything. Someone is shorter or smaller or uglier or even super cute can be excluded by the group he or she is in.

What I have heard is that those who are fluent in English will hide their skills for “self protection.” The classmates of them or even the teacher will avoid them. They may be eventually discouraged from going to school.

I have not read any academic paper on this topic but the ostracizing pressure in Japanese society is strong and becoming stronger.

Well, as a hikikomori, or a soon-becoming one, I guess what I'm going to say will be a little helpful.

In fact I don't think I'm going to be while I do dislike going out and talking with others esp. strangers and would rather stay home playing games or browsing websites.

This does not seem persuasive, right?

When people find a person doesn't want to talk or go out, they won't want to know clearly what makes him so. They will just consider him as a hikikomori, such as, my mother... = =||| This is actually quite a dangerous action.

If a person prefers to stay alone, it means that social activities, or to be more exact, other people esp. strangers, are not important, not appealing or even frightening.

When all is limited and balanced, when they know they should do what they must do and they really do so, everything just runs normally. However, when people want to help them, it's usually a problem.

Other People seldom know their emotions. It's likely that when you're talking about some trivia, the person won't think so. Thus, you shall pay attention to what you're going to say, because it may hurt him/her.

Second, stereotype is quite a dangerous thing. Yes it sometimes helps us to choose which people we'll talk with, but faced with (you think) a hikikomori, it's just bad. You don't really know the reason why they act so, and if you really want to help him/her, DON'T ASK HIM/HER, ASK OTHERS, AND TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

And here comes how to solve it. They usually have many reasons. If it's from some other people surrounded, it's better to leave. If he/she just hates social activity, you can encourage him/her to do some work for the public, because people who are willing to do this kind of job are basically kind and friendly and thus he/she may feel others' kindness. Anyway, it's important to make them not frightned. If there's something terrifying, make it nothing. And then try to let him know what the outside world is.

Finally, THE MOST ESSENTIAL TIP IN THE WHOLE CASE:
NEVER SAY THE WORD "HIKIKOMORI". NO ONE LIKES TAGS ON HIMSELF.(and this is why I say it's very dangerous)

Wake up, play game, get food delivered, eat, sleep then repeat.

Hikkikomori are a cancer japanese people owe to themselves, the social pressure encouraged since the earliest days of life and the overprotection of their kids made those kids prone to depression and the parental support being more about money than about life lessons and solidarity make the parents believe that paying for their childrens addiction to video game is better than confronting them.

To that you add the fact that shame is still a very important part of culture and you obtain parents that can neither stop babysitting a 40 years old man (scared to face peers/neighbours judgement), that cannot talk to him (feeling of guilt and fear social akwardness with their own childrens) and just keep feeding his madness.

Literally exclude yourself from every action that makes you feel that way.

Force yourself off the computer, outside of your room. If you live with someone, tell them to lock you out for certain intervals. Go out, engage in conversations, even if you feel awkward. You’ll eventually feel less weirded out by social interaction, and might in time learn to appreciate it and enjoy it. Ask a stranger to help them, you’ll feel rewarded once you do. Go out to a fun event in the city, alone or with someone else. If you enjoy reading, start reading in places you wouldn’t normally go to. You dislike malls? Go to the mall, sit down in a cafe and start reading. You don’t like crowded places? Read at the subway. Leave your room and get out there. You’d be surprised to know that the world has something to offer to you just as much as you can offer the world. Start pretending you’re extroverted, fake it till you make it. Challenge yourself to talk to a complete stranger everyday, or to find out one thing about a specific place. Come up with fun challenges that force your boundaries, and go play.

This is a loaded question for many reasons. First off, the “hikikomori phenomenon” is not a singular issue, it’s just a symptom of many possible underlying problems. Hikikomori is a collective Japanese term for people who have “withdrawn from society”, however vague and ambiguous that description is. It can mean anything from straight mental illnesses and crippling anxieties all the way to slight introversion. This “phenomenon” is not even limited to Japan, there are people with mental/social issues and abnormal lifestyles all over the planet.

The whole hikikomori thing just goes to highlight the dangerously sorry state of mental healthcare in Japan which is basically non-existent. What few institutions there are, they are utterly underfunded, understaffed and treatment quality is on the level of the worst insane asylums from the 1920’s. No wonder they can’t (or won’t) distinguish between bipolar disorder, depression, agoraphobia, social anxiety, garden variety introversion or full on psychosis. It’s easier to just stick a blanket term on a large group of people, label them “misfits” and call it a welfare issue, or worse, a personal problem, so they don’t have to deal with it ex officio.

Of course this doesn’t mean the Japanese don’t care about their sick, it stems from the problem of being “different” in a very uniformized society. Different stands out a lot more in Japan and often not in a good way. Health issues, especially mental health problems are considered taboo, impolite to bring up in conversation let alone outright acknowledging it, because being labeled “troubled” or outright crazy brings with it some very negative consequences. The problems that would cause someone to lock themselves up in their homes or bedrooms, often could be treated if caught early. In most western cultures this is when mental health specialists, therapists get involved and many people get help either by seeking it out themselves or through friends/family interventions, etc. But in Japan they just try to ignore all the signs and symptoms until it all festers and these people become full on shut-ins. They get their own spin in the community rumor mill, which essentially gets them branded outcasts, unsalvageable, unemployable, etc., a deadly feedback-loop of certain doom.

There’s been some progress, with civilian groups reaching out to shut-ins, trying to offer support, but the without a real social/medical support structure in place, they don’t have much chance. The home visits might help a few of them break out of their shell, but it’s few and far between. Hikikomori can’t even receive welfare or any real help unless they officially petition for it, which obviously doesn’t happen often, so most of these cases still end in tragedy. A real solution is still far away.

I am sure being a recluse is there in many places in the world.

It is a bit more in Japan. It has become a social problem.

I'll give you two cases.

A house was sold after the elderly people died. First floor room was found locked from the inside. When they forced opened the door they found the body of their son, who had died of starvation.

He was a hikikomori, his parents used to leave his food outside his door. They died, he didn't know, he died of starvation.

Second, after the lady in the house died, the neighbors remembered she had a son. They looked for him among the relatives to do the funeral.

They found him in his room, in the house, he didn't know his mother had died.

The city took over looking after him as a destitute, luckily the sale of the house for him money. He didn't even know how to take a bath. Leave alone do anything by himself, he was 54 years old. Had been a hikikomori since he was 14.

There are many like this. We won't know till the parents die.

This question is probably target for a younger person than me…. (http://me….as)what I believe to be symptoms of hikikomori is to withdrawal from society due to the technological advancement

If you are asking me to answer this from being a survivor of NPD abuse, hikikomori wasn’t something I can identify with or I went through…..

My symptom was PTSD….I withdrew from society…only to understand the abuse and educate myself…heal from my experience and become a better person…..

In my days, one didn’t become a recluse from society cause we didn’t have internet, on-line games or social media…we had to interact with the world

By the power of mighty internet.

-They use the internet to do online business so they can have money while work from home.

-They order food online so they don’t need to go out.

-They do online shopping to get their needs.

-They still interact with their online friends via social media.

Basically almost everything they need ,they use the power of the internet to obtain it.

Toddlers in Japan compete to get into the best kindergartens. And then primary-schoolers compete to get into the best intermediate schools, and this goes on to college. Some kids don't want to compete with others.

A lot of people in Japan come to realize that cost of trying in such a toxic environment isn't worth the benefit of having done so, and carries with it too much hazardous risk. If the culture is determined to hurt you just for existing, why try to engage it? Hence we have futōkō or school-avoidant children who don't want to engage if doing so risks being bullied, hurt or shamed. We also have hikikomori, or socially-avoidant adolescents and adults. We also have sōshoku danshi, men who are disinterested in engaging with women if doing so means adhering to the highly competitive traditional Japanese custom, again it's just not worth it, and the society has long since decided these people should be disregarded in order to preserve a cruel culture. Hikikomori does not correlate with known mental disorders only because those who've studied it have not bothered to look.

In fact, a cross examination across many cases have demonstrated indications of PTSD or autism spectrum or major depression, often they fulfilled criteria for multiple psychiatric conditions.

Only one in five were primary hikikomori, that is, isolated from society without any indications of other mental disorders. The thing is, these are all based on tiny samplings of less than one-hundred cases.

No-one's gathered data across thousands, and it's hindered since families feel compelled to hide Hikikomori to avoid familial shame.

So this is a societal problem, one of several phenomena that emerge from a culture that favors competition over cooperation, elitism over inclusion and preservation of institutionalized tradition over regard for the individual.

I appreciate the subtle sarcasm and irony in the recent American expression “a solution in search of a problem”. I honestly think the hikikomori phenomenon is just that: a convenient, almost comforting explanation for something that at first glance, seems to be potentially disastrous. The NHK news reports suggested that nearly 1% of Japanese were social drop-outs, and that number could go as high as 6 or 7%! But let cooler heads take a more objective look at the situation, and the idea that one in fifteen Japanese cannot deal with society at large is… ridiculous. Nearly 1 million Tokyo residents have no social contact, nothing that could say they belong to general society? Really??

More than one violent criminal has shown anti-social tendencies. As long as NHK is not beating the public drum about this “problem,” I suspect it will disappear from any serious public consideration. Put another way, until we have another violent criminal make national headlines, and we find that he has had little or no social contact for several months running, I strongly suspect that the word “hikikomori” will not appear in mass media in Japan, especially on NHK.

It’s been my experience, up in Japan’s Great White North, that Japanese are at least as gregarious as any group I’ve ever known outside of Japan. Through my job in public schools in a small city, I have access to all sorts of confidential information about families in my county. The idea that anything more than a tiny sliver, a small fraction of the mildest estimates from NHK, that hikikomori are a social trend… is laughable. There are neighbors and acquaintances here all along the mental health scale- from debilitating fear of appearing in public to the opposite extreme in sociability. Mr Earl Kinmonth used the words “a moral panic.” I would go one step further and call it a “hysterical moral panic.” I have nothing but compassion for socially hesitant or reluctant Japanese, but the idea that Japan suffers a unique pattern of social withdrawal that threatens the moral fabric?! Nah, that’s fake news.

Actually, this idea of socially withdrawn individuals is not unique to Japan per se, but the number and degree in Japan and the recognition within families is divergent from many other countries. Mental health counseling is on the rise here, but it still is a service ignored by many as people that probably could use counseling are not encouraged to take it. There is still a stigma attached to it, and stress related to work and career issues is often not dealt with properly.

So, what is the result? You gave some individuals who first, often take a longer period of time to graduate from university, taking advantage of the usual 8 year period to gain a Bachelor’s Degree.

Then, in some cases we have people rejecting physical contact and spending most of their ‘free’ time in their bedrooms. To compound this, families don’t seem to actively encourage them to venture out, but in some ways empower this lifestyle with a ‘shoganai’ attitude (it can’t be helped), so that some people, primarily men, stay in hibernation mode for years well into middle age.

By depending on other people for their survival.

If parents allow their children to remain children well into their twenties, they will end up supporting a grown child until they die.

Then, that grown child may very likely end up in extremely dire straits as they are now over the age of 40 and still expect to be treated like a three-year-old.

They are people who have never been taught to stand on their own two feet or, forced to grow up.

From Wikipedia:

The Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour, and Welfare defines hikikomori as a condition in which the affected individuals refuse to leave their parents' house, do not work or go to school and isolate themselves away from society and family in a single room for a period exceeding six months

What causes someone to be a hikikomori?

Hikikomori may co-occur with numerous psychiatric disorders, such as avoidant personality disorder (e.g., isolation due to fears of criticism or rejection), social anxiety disorder (e.g., avoidance of social situations because of fear of embarrassment), major depressive disorder (e.g., avoidance of social situations)