For many, many people, yes. Marriage is that bad, because they made bad choices.

Historically, marriage has not been something you choose, it’s been something that is chosen for you.

Marriage first began as a property arrangement. A man passed his property to his heirs. He made heirs by purchasing a woman from her father and using her to have babies. She was his property; the ritual of marriage solemnized that she belonged to him and was therefore off-limits to other men. Why? To make sure that the babies she produced were his, not someone else’s.

Over time, marriage began to serve other functions: uniting families for business purposes, displaying status, forming political alliances, creating political hostages (you’re less likely to attack the enemy kingdom if your family members are in that king’s court), you get the idea.

The key similarity in all these things is lack of choice. For most of human history, marriage has not been a choice. It was arranged for economic or political expediency.

Today, in much of the world, marriage is a choice.

But many people choose it for the wrong reasons.

We now have the idea that you should love the person you marry, because marriage is a union of two people working together as partners.

Which is awesome. But…

There is a common idea that if you love some someone, that means you have to marry them. As a result, people fall in love and then get married because that’s what you’re supposed to do. But they don’t think about compatibility. They don’t think about common plans. They don’t think about shared goals or ideals.

They just think that love will somehow magically “conquer” all their incompatibilities, even if they don’t really understand how.

And they don’t talk.

The world is filled to the brim with people who are scared to death of talking to their spouse. “What if she thinks I’m weird?” “What if he thinks I’m a slut?” “What if he doesn’t like what he finds out?” “What if I say the wrong thing?”

People marry for emotional reasons, don’t think about basic compatibility, don’t consider shared goals or values, and don’t talk to each other.

Then they wake up five years later to discover—surprise!—they’ve spent the last five years sleeping next to a complete stranger who they share nothing in common with. Well, duh. If you don’t think about compatibility and don’t communicate openly, what other outcome do you expect?

If you marry the first person you feel feelings for in your feel-parts, without learning who they are, and you end up in a happy, successful marriage, coincidence has entered the picture.

So yeah. There it is. People marry for emotional reasons. They don’t think about compatibility and they don’t develop the skills to communicate openly. They then discover they’re with an incompatible partner who doesn’t really see them. Uh, yeah, that’s pretty much how that works.