We had a squad leader who betrayed not only his teammates but the complete unit. That was during a big enemy offensive on our base during the war in Kosovo.

One day before the attack, the Serbs had started shelling our positions with artillery fire and had started approaching our valley from two different sides. I had spent the day in a forward position with my platoon commander, but when we wanted to go back to our base, an artillery shell hit the ground nearby and he was badly wounded.

Our second in command took over the platoon, but he also got wounded only an hour later and almost at the same spot. This guy lost a lot of blood and we had to hurry to get him to a field hospital.

The next morning, we split up our platoon into three squads; one to the left where we expected an enemy infantry incursion, one to the right just to protect our flank, and my squad in the middle, near the only road in the valley, from where we expected the enemy armor to attack us.

Together with one of my buddies, we found a nice place in a small house near the road. The problem was that we couldn't see very well what was going on in front of us. We had to rely on the squad to our right to tell us over the radio about any enemy movement towards our position.

This went on for a couple of hours and nothing serious happened. We got shelled, but that was normal. Then our position got under fire from a 30mm anti-aircraft gun. My buddy asked our right flank what was going on, but we didn't get any answer from them.

We decided to move to another position. There was a big house further up the road and when we arrived there, the rest of our squad was already there. We asked them about our right flank, but they also didn't know what had happened to them

About half an hour later, we got a radio call. It was a soldier from the right flank. He told us that their squad commander had ordered them to move out of their position. They hadn't been under direct enemy fire and the whole move was unnecessary and an act of cowardice. In addition to this, he didn't inform us about his decision.

They had moved into a nearby forest (where they were completely useless) and the squad had decided to ignore their squad leader’s order and go back to their positions.

We told them to go ahead. We had no idea what was going on in front of us and we needed some info about the enemy. They went back to their old position and were able to stay, providing us with important information and securing our flank

We were all really pissed off about this squad commander. In the evening, he got relieved of his command.

You realise that forgiveness is only half about them. A large part of why it is important to forgive is that not forgiving, holding a grudge and letting hate fester inside you, that can be really toxic for your own emotional wellbeing and the relationships you have with all the people in your life.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to let things go on as they did before. You must acknowledge that your relationship with this person has been irrevocably ruptured, but forgiving them gives you the power to put this betrayal in the past and move on. Whether that is to a life with or without them in it.

Try and understand why they did it. It may be that they are weak willed and cowardly. It may be because they are selfish and thought you would not find out. It may be because your relationship was already flawed and the prospect of losing you from their life did not feel like a big risk. It may be that they took you for granted.

Understanding it from their point of view can bring you closer to them, or it can make you realise how much better off you are to have a reason to remove this person from your life.

Forgivenessis a powerful tool to acknowledge the hurt someone did to you, without letting that betrayal define you moving forward.

I had a girlfriend. I was hopelessly in love. I had plans for our lives. I had dreamed up names for our kids. I had already thought about super gifts I could give her for our 25th anniversary. I had no idea she had been cheating on me for 2 years with multiple people.

I had a lot of hate. I had a lot of anger. I had 2 years of hell, sadness, confusion, instability.

Then I had an epiphany.

I had wasted 2 years of precious time. I had a life to live. I had happiness to enjoy. I had no reason to harbor negativity in my heart.

I had to move on. I had to reclaim my life. I had to forgive.

And now I have put it behind me. I have growth. I have a deeper understanding. I have greater compassion. I have ownership of my emotions. I have found a greater love, and I have found that I love who I am, and that every experience I have had has a place in creating that person I am today.

Make the decision to forgive, not for the person who hurt you, but for yourself, and for every opportunity, every wonderful person and potential relationship that may come your way, all of which could be missed if you are stuck ruminating on what you had, rather than what you have, and what you can have in the future.

People often assume I must hate my former enemies (the Serbs) but I can only thank them:

Because of them starting all these wars in the Balkans, I could realize my dream to become a combat experienced soldier.

I only got a few scratches from the fighting while at the same time, my unit was able to dish out a lot of punishment.

The wars are over now and the side I fought for won them all. This is maybe one of the greatest feelings in the world: being part of a victorious army that fought for a just cause. In Kosovo, the soldiers of the Kosovo Liberation Army are rightfully called liberators.

In addition, now that the wars are over, I’m a well respected veteran and even get a small pension from the Kosovo government.

My book about the wars in Yugoslavia (“The Smell of War”) has been translated into four languages so far. Of course, I couldn't have written it without having an enemy and a country I fought against.

Last but not least, I still enjoy teasing some turbo-patritoic Serbs on online forums. Making these guys’ heads explode is always a lot of fun.

So, why should I hate them or for what should I forgive them?

I wouldn't be the person I am without having fought against the Serbs and their genocidal policies.

On the other hand, if my side would have lost the war, the Serbs would have killed one of my family members, or I would have lost a limb during the fighting, things would probably look much different.

Many of my former comrades have made less pleasurable experiences on the battlefield and do not share my opinion in this regard. They still hate the Serbs.

For them, it will take a long time until they will be able to forgive their enemy. I cannot really blame them, it's much easier to forgive and forget when you're doing well.

That Serbia is still run by the same criminals that started all the suffering in the 1990s clearly doesn't help, either. You cannot forgive someone who is unapologetic.

The older guys, especially if they have combat experience, are usually pretty calm. Almost dour. The young ones are usually pretty wild, down right obnoxious. Everyone has a different persona before going into battle, and all of them are a front to hide what they are really feeling which is fear. Fear…not cowardice. The older guys are thinking of their families and their kids. The younger ones are thinking of their future. Some punks will get super obnoxious and go through the “bring it on!” attitude but almost all of us are hoping for a smooth and eventless mission and to get to go back home. It’s the little things you don’t think about going into combat though. Stupid little things that in the real world you wouldn’t pay any attention to.

Remember your adrenaline is through the roof and your mind is going a million miles an hour. You are hyper-alert about everything. Suddenly every little sound, tick, change in wind, new smell, change in temperature, or even gut feeling is suspect.

You worry about how you are going to react if it hits the fan.

Am I going to panic? Shut down? Keep cool and do my job? If I get shot or hurt will I scream? is my weapon working well? Did I bring enough water? Did I use the bathroom? That smell is funny! Did someone say something? I can barely hold my weapon because my hands are so sweaty. I want to go home. I miss not caring about anything. I didn’t use to worry about dying. Did I just hear someone screaming? My boots are uncomfortable. I can’t think about that. That door looks funny to me. I want to go home. Everything thinks I’m a badass. I kind of look like one. Hell yea. I’m walking through Iraq with an M4. I’m a beast. WHAT WAS THAT?!! Fuck I’m scared. I wonder if everyone else is scared. No. These guys are great. I’m just a pussy. Well I won’t act like one. I hope we don’t get lit up. What if I shit myself? I’ve heard guys do that sometimes. Fuck it I’ll be dead so who cares. Man I don’t want to die. Fuck, we’re stopping. WHY ARE WE STOPPING?! What happened?! I want to go home.

Kind of like that, only you go through all of that in about 5 seconds and a million times more intense.

At least that’s what it was like for me my first mission.

It isn’t about them, it’s about you.

I’ve alluded to something that happened with my sister, but I’ve never explained it in an answer on Quora. I’m not ready to. However, the results of what she did to me led to two separate visits to the mental hospital, the second for a nearly successful suicide attempt. Needless to say, I hated my sister. Absolutely hated her to the bottom of my (non-existent) soul.

But that hatred was eating me up. It was making me miserable. I nurtured that hate for over a year and a half and it didn’t get me anywhere.

I’ve been hurt in other ways by people and a sincere apology was all it usually took for me to forgive them. I don’t usually hold grudges. I’ve only cut a few people out of my life, but letting go of them was relatively easy. Forgive and forget.

My sister was another matter. She was never going to apologize - she honestly thought she was the one who was wronged. That just made me hate her more.

But you come to a point where the hate takes on a life of it’s own. It weights you down. It holds you back. I had to get over my hate for myself, and to do that, I had to forgive her.

It took a few weeks. Every day, I found something that would make me happy, take me further, allow me to heal when I gave up my hate. Day by day, I let it go. And eventually, I forgave her so I no longer had to think about her. She’s out of my mind and out of my life.

If I were to see my sister today, she’d be a stranger to me. I wouldn’t interact in any way. She is who she is, and who she is is someone I don’t want in my life. But the hatred is gone and now my life is happier for it.

Here’s what I observed during my time in the Bosnian war. Starting from the first day of war, a soldier’s personality starts to change.

One can divide this “transformation to become battle-hardened” into different stages:

The “New Guy”.

Fresh recruits arriving in a battle zone are often pumped up and seem full of self confidence. I’ve seen 19 year-old kids trying to tell me what to do on their first day in the field. The new ones think they know it all and only a few of them are willing to listen to the old “farts”. In reality, these fresh soldiers feel very insecure and their boasting is a way for them to hide their fears and anxieties from their comrades. This phase is the shortest of all phases, sometimes it lasts less than a full day in battle. In the case of my 19 year-old new comrade it lasted less than two hours. After I got wounded in battle I went to see a medic far behind the frontline and there was my new guy, huddling on the side of the road, completely paralyzed by fear.

The”Baptized”or the “Apprentice”

After a short while the new guy shuts up and either gets on with the job or goes home. Having received his baptism of fire, he or she starts to develop all the necessary skills to survive on the battlefield and which can’t be taught in training. This phase lasts a couple of weeks, all depends on the intensity of combat. The “apprentice” is not yet a fully trusted member of the unit and therefore mostly charged with secondary tasks, for example as the second man on the machine gun. Nevertheless they get the job done and are well respected.

The “Fighter”or the “Battle-Hardened”

After weeks in combat, many soldiers have honed their skills and have acquired survival instincts. They “smell” where a shell will hit, where and when the enemy will attack or which position to choose. They don’t panic. This “fighter” feels comfortable around his fellow fighters with whom he forms a brotherhood. These guys don’t like to talk much and you’ll seldom see them laughing. Somehow the horrors of combat have deprived them of most of their human emotions. They are the “battle-hardened” who form the backbone of every combat unit.

The “Battle Weary”

If a fighter stays in combat for too long, his skills will deteriorate. While the “fighter” is fearless, but careful, the “battle weary” often avoids combat. He has seen many of his fellow fighters die or getting wounded. Most probably he has also been injured more than once. Although desensitized to the maximum, you can’t suppress human emotions forever and eventually PTSD will take a toll on you. These soldiers usually have severe drug or alcohol abuse issues. While the “fighters” are already not the greatest talkers, the “battle weary” barely talk at all. I’ve seen some of these guys in Bosnia and it always struck me how passive they are.

Don’t get me wrong: They were great guys and very friendly and they deserve our greatest respect. But unfortunately, they are also completely unfit for battle and therefore a well functioning military organization needs to carefully monitor their combat soldiers and retire individuals as soon as they show the first symptoms of battle weariness.

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Rather than giving you advice, I would prefer to narrate an anecdote from personal experience:

I met a special someone. It was my first taste of love and I was sheepishly drunk with it. His were eyes I could look into forever, and he had a voice I could hear till the end of time. It was absolutely frightening.

We were colleagues. I unwittingly got involved in his life, and eventually found myself wanting to get even more involved.

After a period of ambiguous yes-no-maybes, he exited the picture for good. He never wanted to talk about it, or wanted anything to do with me again.

I was distraught, destroyed. Shot.

“Move on”

There was a cacophony of voices, concerned friends, self-help books, parental wisdom all cooing, screaming, demanding me to let it go, let him go.

They were all voices echoing the same rational advice. It’s only logical to disconnect, eject, and proceed. Move on.

I couldn’t.

Not a day went by without me cross-examining myself for faults, things I could do to fix it.

Self-help books and long runs with blaring earphones only gave a brief respite. Reason left me as soon I put the books down. My mind wandered back to the hurts when I stopped running, breathless and ever-desperate.

“Move on!!”

Why linger? It was a horrid state to be in. I really wanted to snap out of that self-absorbed paralysis, but something kept me there.

After six months of marinating in the much celebrated soup of love, loss, and lament, I finally fumbled out of it.

There was no under-the-Bodhi-Tree momentous revelation, but rather a gradual learning and realization, almost anti-climatic.

No one is spared from metaphorical bullets, but no one has to stay hurt. I’ve experienced a generous slice of pain and tasted a ludicrous sentiment:

Forgiveness.

It’s ludicrous, in the sense that amidst the injustice and hurt, the very idea of forgiveness seems to border on divine martyrdom. But what I’ve experienced and discovered wasn’t a saintly sacrifice.

It was something I arrived at, a lucky tumble into the clearing. It was a long fumble in the dark. And what I’ve learned is:

Don’t run.

I literally ran miles to get my mind off him—physically moved away from him at work, tried to write him off as I thought he did to me.

But whenever there is a quiet moment, his face comes back with a vengeance. There is no “clear history” button.

We cannot process feelings mechanically, surgically remove “bad parts” from our being. If that were even remotely possible, the world would be devoid of sappy love songs and affluent shrinks.

Yogis mediate their reflexive response to emotions. They don’t put a plug in emotion—they “sit with it.”

I was probably face-deep in a hearty slice of cake. But at some point, I was finally able to quiet down and face the issue, crumbs and all.

The most ironic thing was that not only was I running away from the problem, I was also running in circles.

I was pointlessly replaying events in my head, ceaseless analyzing, obsessively scrutinizing my actions, and wallowing in sappy country music and dessert.

Not only does nothing get solved, nothing else gets done either. I was able to ask myself, and listen for the first time, the first most important question: What am I doing?

Life is not cruel when it does not wait. Life always goes on, whether we are in the mood to join it or not.

I had to ask myself: What is it that I want?

I wanted talk about it with him. I wanted him to tell me, face to face, what went wrong. I wanted closure. I wanted my pain to be acknowledged.

Because I couldn’t get the confrontational closure and couldn’t get him to acknowledge my hurting, I locked myself in limbo.

When a valued relationship ends, it’s natural to lament, but it’s easy to become morbidly self-indulgent, stewing in the predicament.

Like having blinkers on, I’ve excluded everything else, even the fact that other people hurt, forgetting that my pain is but one in many.

Everybody hurts. Even him.

It never occurred to me that he may be having a difficult time, as well. I demanded an answer. I demanded an explanation. He wasn’t ready to give one, and didn’t.

I was desperate, became obsessed, and he withdrew entirely. Of course, he could have handled it in so many alternative ways than silent disengagement. But blaming is not the point.

When I stopped feeling bad for myself, I was able to see the effects of my actions on his side and consider his perspective, empathizing with his difficulties.

Trace the blame if you will, but the meeting of two individuals and their eventual parting isn’t the fault of one.

So bent on confronting him, I deprived myself of closure in any other ways than the way I’d envisioned. He didn’t force me to be in pain. I did.

We are all one in pain—we act from pain and make mistakes from pain, and we all deserve forgiveness and kindness.

I realize that he only did what he thought was best at that moment. He didn’t make the best choice of action, but neither did I. I reacted in the only way I could then.

When I saw him at work again, for the first time in a long while I didn’t flinch inside. I didn’t feel angry at myself or him anymore.

I saw that he was still that charming individual that I first loved. Even though it was six months ago, and now that our parts in each other’s life are over, I genuinely wished him the best.

Without knowing it, I’d forgiven him and myself.

I guess I’d moved on.

It wrenches on the heart when things change, because whether it’s the love of a friend or lover, we offer ourselves with every coffee shared, every lingering gaze held.

We can’t take back what we offered. But maybe the point is learning not to want to, because those moments were beautiful.

Be brave. Be strong in loving and forgiving. Remember what you loved in that person who hurt you. Remember that everybody hurts. And know for a fact you are stronger, wiser, and more compassionate from your experiences.

I’ll be careful in answering this because military members disobey orders at their own risk.

Soldiers can refuse an order if he/she considers it to be unlawful. Soldiers can refuse an order if it goes against the Manual for Courts-Martial or if it violates the Uniform Code of Military Justice

Based on the Enlistment Oath of U.S. military members, all members of the U.S. armed forces must “preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” Hence, the pledge clearly states that all soldiers must abide by constitutional laws and regulations.

So the question is, does this soldier consider the commander’s actions and orders illegal, unlawful or unconstitutional? Unfortunately, if these circumstances don’t apply… soldiers must listen to their leadership and obey orders.

Odd question but here it goes.

It really depends on the situation. I shall assume that this happens in the trenches of verdun. I am a german and the french are attacking with artillery as cover fire. There is one man with a trench gun (a rather nasty american pump action shotgun) who has dodged the machine gun fire and has ran into the trench.

What I would do is pull a french and run away. In WW1 trenches, the trenches are jagged.

This means that I only have to run about 5 meters to turn a corner. Then I would hold that corner, pointing my rifle at the corner that I ran from, so if he turns that corner, he will end up with either a lead bullet or a steel bayonet embedded into his chest.

And NO, do not accuse me of camping, it is called tactical positioning.

Very odd worded question. Heal someone that betrays you? It should be How do You Heal After Someone Betrays You?

I’ve never had anyone betray me so to speak. Friend, acquaintance or anyone. I’ve been lucky.

My older sister Tracy on the other hand had a friend or two betray her, talk behind her back or say things about her or our family.

Tracy totally cut the lines of friendship to them. Those persons were shunned from her life forever. She would never speak to them again. At school she would walk by them without a glance. That would be it for life. It’s just how she was.

My Catholic mother would say to her, “Tracy, that’s not what Jesus Christ taught us. He taught us to forgive and turn the other cheek.”

“And what? Get slapped again even harder?” Tracy would say.

In Grade 11, Tracy tried out for cheerleading. She took competitive gymnastics away from school and won many awards, so she thought cheerleading would be perfect. Besides, her younger brother, me, played on the team. One of her friends who was in the cheerleading squad didn’t want Tracy on the squad and spread a vicious rumour about her. Tracy was not accepted. I remember she was quite disappointed at the dinner table.

“Honey, you’ve got too much on your plate anyway. You’ve got your self defence course, gymnastics with an important competition coming up, and modelling which is getting busier and busier. Cheerleading takes up a lot of time. Time you really don’t have. Believe me I know.” Mom was a former high school and college cheerleader.

Tracy’s friend that betrayed her was put on Tracy’s shun list. Out of her life forever. Later when her ex friend approached Tracy in the hall at class change crying and saying she was sorry, that her jealousy got the best of her, Tracy showed no emotion. She gave her a glance and then kept walking. It was like her ex friend never existed.

No, there was absolutely no forgiveness with Tracy for friends that betrayed her For life.

Below Tracy at 16. An odd photo of her from school yearbook. Do not betray this girl. That’s her life long pal Janie in the foreground. Looks like Janie has just told her something shocking.

Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is allowing trauma to leave the cells of your body and your brain. Forgiveness involves letting go of pain. It involves letting go of hurt and Trauma. Forgiveness is not about those that have harmed you. It is for you. Forgiveness is also not about condoning what another person may have done to harm you. It's not about that in any way. Forgiveness is the first step in your healing process. Once you are able to forgive, you really will feel a shift in your body and in your mind. You do not ever have to have contact with the person you forgave and they don't ever need to know that you have forgiven them. ( I don't allow people like that in my life anymore) Your heart is the only one that needs to know because your heart is what needs healing.

Trauma and betrayal are so painful. I lived through plenty of it. It holds you back on every level of your being . When I first heard about the concept of forgiveness, it changed my life completely. I relinquished the pain and the anger and pictured my attackers and simply said, I forgive you. I forgave them one by one. Then I was able to feel free. I was able to move on and start treating myself with the love and respect that I deserved. Then I was finally able to meet the wonderful man that I married. It changed my life on every level. I married a good man, because forgiveness led me to realize that I deserved someone good, kind and loving. It really was the springboard to a happier, healthier life.

The first time when I faced a bullet fired at me in anger, was when I was a young capt.

The effect was that I got jammed and rooted to where I was standing. The entire short life of 25 years, that I had lived till then, passed through the screen of my mind, like a film, in fast motion. It was seeming an eternity, while all this was happening, and I continued to stand, like a dumbstruck idiot. In actual fact, it was not more than 3–4 seconds, before my colleague, a battle hardened Junior commissioned officer with 25 years of experience, pulled me down and it was only thereafter that I came to my senses.

Thereafter, during the forthcoming 28 years, there were numerous occasions when I was caught in a cross fire. But, thanks to my first experience, of getting battle hardened, I could easily and calmly react, double up onto my knees, ascertain the direction from where the fire was coming, and then take immediate stock of the situation, and counter the threat.

To another onlooker, I must surely be appearing as a “Battle Hardened Soldier”. But deep inside, I knew…….not long ago, I had been a green horn and a young innocent guy , who was totally wet behind the ears.

I will never forget the colour of the leaves and even the shapes of the stones lying on the ground, during the first incident, and I fail to remember the details later, nor the number of times when I was in combat situations, after that.

I guess, that is called “Battle Hardening”.

If this happens in your unit, and it wasn’t by accident, then you know that you serve in a really shitty military.

Your fellow soldier is your brother. Period. Of course, there are those rare cases where a soldier acts out and starts doing crazy things, but there are other ways to deal with it than killing the guy.

You can disable a person by shooting them in the leg, for example. If it really comes down to killing or wounding a comrade, it’s the leader’s job to do that.

They are in charge of keeping the discipline which is necessary to accomplish the mission. Therefore, it’s also their responsibility to enforce this discipline.

Soldiers, on the other hand, never kill their buddies.

Most of the times, you’ll never find out. Maybe the guy you just shot at has jumped for cover and isn’t even hit or, maybe, he instantly died with a bullet in his brain.

There are exceptions, though:

• You see the dead bodies (for example during a raid or an ambush).
• The enemy reports a dead soldier while at the same time, you were the only guy in the area who was shooting at someone.
• A journalist tells you later (happened to me only once).

Most often, however, a killed enemy soldier can’t be attributed to one particular shooter. Many people were shooting thousands of bullets and one guy got killed.

Anyway, nobody cares. There are no discussions regarding who killed which enemy soldier. Important is only that the guy is dead.

My father was in the British Army fighting the Japanese and was a POW in the infamous Changi prison, reduced to skin and bones and bad health that dogged him for the rest of his life. Lots of smoking didn`t help either. He never really talked about it but my mother hated them till the day she died. My wife is Japanese and I love them. Funny that.

One of my very good friends is from Cordoba in Argentina. I love her to bits and have no problems with the people. The ones I know have been nice and friendly and things only get a bit tense when my friend refers to The Falklands as Las Malvinas.

We don`t hate the other side unless they were involved in brutality. Soldiers are soldiers, following orders. Nobody that I knew joined up because he wanted to kill someone. Professionals treat professionals with respect.

Betrayal is not end all be all. You should absolutely forgive. By not forgiving, you choose to carry the resentment, anger, hate in your heart. This is a never ending spiral that only damages. Forgive and move forward. It happened. And you will come to realize that it was one of life's blessings to teach you this valuable lesson.

It doesn't mean you won't get the occasional anger moments pop in your head. It may leave a bad taste in your mouth. But by forgiving, you choose to learn the lesson, endure the struggle, embrace the climb back up and see an improved self in the mirror everyday.

Keep the lesson at heart. Chances are you will encounter many more events in your life where the next betrayal may be right around the corner. So this person who betrayed,in fact, gave you a valuable tool to prepare you better for the next time. Thank the lord for this experience. It's an experience you earned.

Move forward. Cut the chains. Seek the brighter side of life.

It’s war. If he is able bodied and poses a threat to me, I’d kill him. If he turns and walks away, I would probably let him go, after all, we are both just shmucks caught up in a war.

From your question, I assume he is helpless and or injured. Now this is much different. If he was asleep, I wouldn’t wake him up to say, hello, I’m going to kill you now, so please defend yourself. If he makes any threatening moves, he’s toast. If he is injured and needs help that I can do, I might help him, but lots of people are killed by harmless enemies with grenades.

It also depends on the type of war being waged. Most Europeans will recognize the rules of war, whereas the Japanese of WWII didn’t, nor do the muslims of today. If your enemy doesn’t take prisoners and shoots the wounded, then I see no reason to help them. After all, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me!

Shoot him?

It sounds like you are describing some of the more dramatic moments in the military career of Audie Murphy. Apparently on several occasions, he was that guy. He was pissed off. He was in a “zone”. He didn’t care about his own life and was able to subdue fear and pain and concentrate single-mindedly on killing the enemy. I understand that after the war, he actually said he felt badly about the things he had done. But he had also lost friends, too.

War is just bad, a bad thing.

I was not a serviceman, and I was never in combat. But some relatives I have had, were. None of them had much to say about it. These men were brave because they answered the call, and were prepared to do, and did, what was needed to be done, for their country, for their fellow soldiers. There is no greater measure of character than that, in my opinion.

You just move on. Because really, there’s nothing much you can do about it. If it’s too much, I cut them out of my life. But I try not to stay stuck up in it. It’s for myself. Yes, it’s hard to forget, but I tell myself, it’s over and done with. It sucked that it happened to me, but it’s worse if I destroy myself over it. There are things that are way out of our hands no matter how much we beat ourselves about it. As for forgiving, I don’t bother myself about it. I admit I’m not the kindest person in the world, and when I’m hurt, I always wish that that person would suffer the same thing I did. Forgiving would come naturally in time. I don’t need to rush or pressure myself. If he says I’m bitter, so what? I’m not competing for Ms Congeniality here. I am not obliged to forgive someone who has hurt me.

People say “forgive but not forget”, but for me, I prefer to forgive and learn. Sometimes people tend to not know the word learn, and instead, use ‘forgive’ to figuratively point the aforementioned out.

When we forgive, we should forget, so we don't feel bad, and fake towards the person we have forgiven. We learned that they can betray us, and we should be aware of that, so we should practice not giving everything that we have to that person. And this shows that we’ve learned, not stuck to our minds what that person did.

We learn, to make better decisions and actions. We forget to continue, invalidating what has happened before.