Here are 10 adjustments to Japanese life you may find difficult...

1) TIPPING

Don't do it (they'll stare at you blankly or give you the money back) - I actually prefer this one. For tippers, it might be hard adjusting to the fact that what it says on the menu is how much you pay at the end... crazy concept I know.

For those that are adamant about the fact that "Tipping promotes good service", come to Japan. Great service, with a smile...without tipping! You then realize that the whole tipping thing is nothing but corporate BS made up to help retail owners pay their staff peanuts.

GAIJIN TIP: Just don't do it... even when you think it's good service.

2) TAXI DOORS

Don't try to open or close the taxi door (it's automatic). I've slammed a few taxi doors in my time (a remnant of Black cabs in London). I think the driver thought I was ready to start a fight.

Worth noting that Japanese taxi drivers are clean, efficient and cheap!

GAIJIN TIP: Wait for the door to open for you, otherwise the driver might think he's being hijacked.

3) SHOES INDOORS - DON'T DO IT

Take your shoes off before you enter a house. This is inexcusable, even in your own home.

GAJIN TIP: Learn the art of the Genkan (the small space between the outdoors and inside where guests take off shoes). Don't just take your shoes off, place them neatly facing the door.

4) DRINKING

Be prepared to see lots of drunk people late at night, particularly at Christmas/end of year where the level of drunkenness goes off the scale. If you have Japanese friends, you will get very drunk, and you may have to adjust to this being a regular part of life in Japan.

That said, Japan is the best place in the world to get drunk. You won't get beaten up, you won't get your wallet nicked and you will be surrounded by lots of drunk Japanese who want to practise their English with you.

GAIJIN TIP: Lose your "Western" shame about drinking and being drunk. It's not unusual to hear Japanese women tell you they are hungover because they got razzled last night. Learn to love Japan's extensive offering of soft drinks aimed at the hungover masses (Pocari Sweat, Aquarius, Hepalize etc)

5) Re point 4... DRUNK SALARIMEN

Watch out for red-faced drunken Salaryman guy playing air golf with his umbrella on the train platform. Also, drunken Salaryman rolling around the train carriage floor, often asleep, sometimes murmuring something incoherent, at other times in a pool of vomit... You may have to adjust to being comfortable with just watching his corpse roll around the carriage floor with people stepping over him.

GAIJIN TIP: Beware of young looking, drunk salarimen in suits. They will inevitably be the ones forced to drink the most by their superiors and almost always at the brink of extreme vomit.

Also, learn to appreciate the finer pleasures of the drunken salariman singing Enka songs during Ohanami (cherry blossom) season.

6) CHIVALRY (OR LACK OF)

Don't expect people to open the door for you in a shopping mall, or "ladies first" or someone to offer up a seat to an old woman, or a pregnant woman on the train.

There are "silver seats" in the carriages for the above but everyone conveniently falls asleep when a little old lady or pregnant woman shows up standing next to them.

Also watch out for "Kusobaba" - the strong old lady who pushes her way through the train like the carriage caught fire or something. Don't mess with her, she has a Fendi sale to get to...

GAIJIN TIP: If you are foreign, especially male, you can earn serious brownie points by offering to carry a lady's luggage up the station steps. You may also get arrested for scaring the locals.

7) CRAZY CYCLISTS

If you're driving, watch out for cyclists, they are insane. Cyclists, particularly women on "mamachari" do not stop for anyone, pedestrian or vehicle. They have only one speed and are quite often either carrying children on the back or reading their mobile phone while cycling (if young girl). You may have to adjust to developing a 6th sense for predicting which random street a cyclist is going to charge out of at any moment.

There are a number of discrete signs on the roads that say:"自転車左側通行" - Bicycles on the left hand side of the road.

However, outside of the main roads, a large number of cyclists ignore this and cycle both sides against the traffic, especially ママチャリ mothers. For both oncoming cyclists and drivers this is pretty dangerous and it seems the offending cyclists are unaware they're doing anything wrong. So, this takes some adjustment.

PIC: This is a motorized ママチャリ (mamachari). As I said in my point above, they are a real challenge for drivers. They tend to charge down the back roads on different sides without stopping for anyone... How they keep balanced with kids on the back and their shopping on front is nothing short of witchcraft.

GAIJIN TIP: If you cycle in Japan, learn the hand signals no-one else uses, learn to track-stand, emergency stop, cycle with no hands while holding off a drunk Ojiisan veering into your path... all useful skills

8) NOISE

Boy is it noisy.

I read somewhere that Japan was the noisiest country in the world. Machines play tunes all the time, cars drive around blaring their speakers asking you to recycle old washing machines, then there's the local speaker system to announce town news etc etc. You may have to adjust to this new normal and buy some ear plugs.

I have lived in the 2 "noisiest countries" in the world (according to some)... Spain and Japan The second noisiest country in the world - hear-it.org & Noisiest nation in the world? , I've worked in different states in India, as well as South East Asian countries... so I appreciate what the comparison is. Anyway, maybe it's not as loud as your home town but for most people it's noisy.

On the trains Japan can be deadly quiet but my point was about machines and loudspeakers everywhere: beaches, elections, American air bases, public address speakers, alarms etc etc. It's funny how in supermarkets you can have 3 or 4 different songs playing at the same time - no one seems to notice!

9) CUTE GIRLS

I often see Western couples walking through Tokyo and I know what's going through the guy's head as he's looking round at all these pretty girls. No fat arms, no fat asses, they dress so well. Apart from the teeth, and the occasional pigeon feet, it's all good...

And for those guys who come here with a girlfriend back home... good luck, it ain't gonna last.

10) NOT BEING THE CENTER OF THE WORLD

In all honesty, I adapted pretty well to the above 9 adjustments in my time here but it was #10 that really blew my mind. Wow, this is how Japanese kids see the world. For the first time I had to adjust to the idea that my country wasn't the center of the world, but somewhere out on the edges... that was a hard adjustment but a liberating experience.

11) BONUS: EATING IN PUBLIC

Wow! Thank you for all your interest and great comments on this post...I've decided to add an 11th "adjustment"... eating in public in Japan.

Visitors might be surprised by the looks they get when trying to eat a kebab or Big Mac and fries on the train so it's good to know the Japanese rarely do it. Not never. There are some exceptions when Japanese do eat in public places:

• On a train you can eat in public if you do it slowly and secretly. Keep the food in its bag. Do not make eye contact with other passengers while eating. Try not to alert passengers with the sound of your food wrapper. With your head down, eat with very small bites while reading a book or phone. Preferably stand in the corner by the doors.
• You may eat in the small ad hoc standing area known as the "shame spot" frequented by smokers. This can be found to the side of the convenience store. Alternatively you can eat without shame in your car if parked a. convenience store.
• You may also eat in public if it's an ice cream.

So, an interesting observation to add...

On my way home last night on the train heading out of Shinagawa. I'm staring at my phone and notice some food smell. I look up. I see other people looking around with frowns. A middle aged lady a few seats down is eating a Nikuman (a rather stinky pork dumpling). It stinks out the carriage. She gets a lot of stares from passengers but she doesn't give a sh*t and everyone's too scared to complain.

She finishes her snack, puts on her mask and falls asleep.

So there is your answer to *what happens if I eat in public?*

GAIJIN TIP: Of course, you can eat in public if it's a festival or food is being served (duh!) People do eat in public in Japan, just not to the extent you'll see in other countries.

12) BONUS - SUSHI AS IT SHOULD BE

What on earth are sushi "chefs" doing in other countries burying their sushi under sauces, toppings and (the worst offenders being New Zealand) deep frying it?

Deep Fried Sushi???

Anyway, sushi here in Japan is much simpler than the offending foreign varieties.

EXHIBIT A: JAPANESE SUSHI -

simple, subtle, delicious...

EXHIBIT B: SUSHI OUTSIDE JAPAN -

Looks like the cat vomited up this one...

Your Japanese friends may look at this and say "マジかよ" (Majikayo) or in English...WTF?

So, please come to Japan and try the real stuff, you'll never go back to eating Frankenstein sushi again...

GAIJIN TIP: Don't even try to convince the Japanese that... "sushi back home is real good..." it's a lie. They'll agree and listen to you with feigned interest because they feel sorry for you.