Comedian Lenny Clarke once said "I did cocaine once, for like, nine years."

That is a strong approximation of the addiction to this drug. When I first tried it, I was in college, and had been a heavy pot smoker along with many mushroom trips and ecstasy fueled nights. Cocaine was a natural progression. I was scared of it at first - it's intimidating and there is a bad stigma associated with it.

Yet, it was love at first sniff.

When you first get addicted, it doesn't feel like an addiction. It cures boredom, it makes you feel incredibly cool and powerful, like no one around you is cool enough to be in on the joke.

After a couple years of this, I could not imagine not using. I was using minimum three times a week. I was missing work, scaring friends and parents, being out until dawn, sometimes later. I started using solo rather than with friends. It became all-consuming, and I had to have it.

It got worse.

As my life was rumbling around me, bring broke, failing at jobs, living at home, I would do anything to support my habit. I stole money from friends and family. I would drive my dealer around in exchange for free product. Nothing else mattered. I had convinced myself that cocaine was the only GOOD thing in my life. That is how warped your brain chemistry becomes.

It got to a point where I lost many close friends due to my behavior. These are relationships I have never been able to repair. I am beyond fortunate that despite it all, my parents remained incredibly supportive. I knew had to quit, for them. And for me. But I needed to reward their faith somehow. I was at a fork in the road. One path would lead to utter destruction; the other, redemption. I chose redemption.

It was exceedingly difficult. I remember being utterly pissed off at myself not NOT doing cocaine when it was readily accessible. I somehow garnered enough internal fortitude to persevere through awful mental withdrawal, shame, and regret.

Ironically, I no longer regret it. I continue to silently weep at the pain I caused and the relationships and time I lost. But having come out the other side, those experiences made the successful executive I am today. Could I have achieved this success without it? Absolutely. But I will not dwell on things I cannot change, and I am a happy and strong person having confronted my issues and overcome my struggles.

I'll end with another quote from a comedian, this one being the great George Carlin:

"What does cocaine make you feel like? It makes you feel like more cocaine."