We were in a hotel in Volterra apparently famous for its food. I have no idea why as the dinners we were given (we were on a tour) were not only tiny portions but anyway inedible (everyone on the tour was sending the food back uneaten).

So one lunchtime we thought we’d pay for a meal or at least a snack ourselves , giving them the benefit of the doubt.

On the menu was Croque monsieur. Ideal. A very common dish.

We asked for the croque monsieur. The barman had to go and get the manager. We pointed to the menu- “ah, croquette”. Not very Italian, but never mind.

What arrived was three stale pieces of bread like a club sandwich with hardboiled egg, ham, cheese, tomato, lettuce in it.

I don’t care that we’re in Italy, don’t put croque monsieur on your menu if you don’t know what it is. Don’t vaunt your haute cuisine if you don’t know the basics.

I know as Wittgenstein says that the meaning of a word is its use but there are limits- you can’t just make up words for anything you feel like.

(A friend has told me that they came across “eggs Benedict” recently which was in no way what the recipe for Eggs Benedict is.)

Go back to cookery school before you start taking people’s money.