What are the top tips for a senior dating site navigating the world of online dating on dating sites?

Question

Jay Bazzinotti · Answer

I have used every possible kind of dating service possible, the free, the paid for - everything. I have met in my life probably 1500 different women. You can condemn me later for whatever reason, and you might be right in your criticism but that is not what this is about right now.

I have always been surprised, even shocked by how foolish some women in the online dating world can be. Online dating can be much like going to a bar to meet someone but in some ways it isn’t - at least in a bar, you can see whom you are talking to and you know at least that they are real people and so on. With online dating, you don’t really know anything.

When you make a profile, it asks you to describe yourself and put up a photo and often it asks for the town you live in. When making your profile use the next town over - never your real town. Never put in your exact profession. Never put in pictures of your kids and never name them. You want to meet someone but you must maintain your safety and privacy until strangers have earned your trust. With all the tools on the internet now, it is so simple for me to track down a woman who thinks she is anonymous on the internet because she doesn’t use her last name in her profile. It’s easy. And I’m not a stalker.

If you start meeting with someone, focus more on the “interests, hopes, and dreams”. Do not focus on occupation. Be vague about it until you get to know someone better. All relationship building is about trust and the more you reveal about the unimportant details of your life like location, job and so on, the more information you give to a person you shouldn’t trust who can use it to find out everything about you.

Spend as much time as you want chatting online. If you move to text or phone, remember that you’re giving your phone number away, a critical piece of safety information. Some women block the number so the recipient can’t see it. That’s just smart. If you text, you are extending a lot of trust credit to someone.

Remember: trust is like a credit card and if you extend too much too soon, you’re likely to get someone who will abuse and burn you. Trust is given in drops and lost in buckets. Make your potential partner earn every drop. Note that a lot of men online are married and looking for fun; some are picture collectors, some want phone/esex; some want a real relationship. In my worthless opinion, for ever 100 contacts, perhaps 1 will be someone you like and who likes you back. There are four potential situations: you like them, they don’t like you; they like you but you don’t like them; you both don’t like each other; you both like each other. The most desirable outcome, you both like each other, happens the least by far.

Most men you meet are going to be interested in sex. That doesn’t make them bad. It’s the way it is. You cannot judge them for that but you can judge them on how they act. If all they are after is sex they will be pushing hard early for it, for nudes, for esex, for meeting at a motel, etc. It’s okay to want sex: we are sexual creatures. But if you are looking for a relationship make sure you investigate the man’s motives because if he just wants fast sex, it will be apparent. In the old days when Craigslist still had Personals until the Republican FOSTA act put them out of business, “Casual Encounters” usually meant hookers; “Seeking Relationship” meant sex right away and “Strictly Platonic” meant sex after three dates. Being an expert at Craigslist in the old days, I can tell you this joke has a lot of truth to it.

You should agree to meet up sooner rather than later. You’re not looking for a penpal and unless the phone sex is amazing, you need to make it real. No matter how good he sounds, no matter how articulate, no matter how much his opinions mirror yours, you aren’t going to be able to make your choice till you meet. So save everyone some time and agree to meet. Meet at a public location. Take your own vehicle. Do not agree to be picked up anywhere or dropped off anywhere. Do not get walked home. Meet during regular hours where people can see you and where people can congregate.

Always Always Always let someone know where you are going and when you expect to be back. Make sure you leave a note on the table with whatever you know about this guy so that if you are abducted, or worse, killed, the police have leads. This is extreme but you need to think of your safety. “Expect the best but plan for the worst.”

Plan for a one hour coffee meeting. Don’t go out for drinks; don’t meet for dinner. The first meeting is not a date. It’s an interview. Meet at Starbucks, pay for your own coffee, don’t leave it unattended and then do your work. If you’ve reached this stage, the guy has something about him you like. Now you have to fit his physical appearance into your assessment. Believe me, for most people this is the critical moment. Most people know within 30 seconds if there is going to be another date and the only thing a partner who gets the nod can do is decrease his chances of a second date by talking or acting himself out of it. If you want a second date, be clear about it. Men are clumsy creatures and need explicit instructions. If he likes you, really likes you, he is going to be parsing everything you say and often taking the negative view. If you like him, be enthusiastic about a “real” date. It will be an enormous thing for him.

If you meet someone you like and you go on a few dates remember that this person is still more of a stranger than anything else. Keep extending trust in drops, expect an occasional pass and don’t be too judgemental about it - men can’t make progress without taking risks. You don’t have to cave and you don’t have to be a jerk. If you think there’s a chance of intimacy sometime down the road, tell him to be patient. If he’s cool, he’ll wait. It not, you’ve learned something important to add to your “discriminators”.

Do not be intimidated by people who tell you how to feel. I cannot tell you how many women can be browbeaten into dating someone they don’t like because they have been convinced that to not do it would make them “bad” or “racist” or “prejudiced against (fill in the blank)”. You have the absolute right to like or not like anyone you want to for any or no reason and you cannot be judged for that. Only go out with people who make you feel good about yourself and whom you actually like. Never be intimidated into dating people you don’t like because it “makes you look bad”. Forget that. Date whom you like.

If you meet someone and start dating, once you get to the intimacy part, it’s time to have a serious convo with yourself and them. If you are having sex you shouldn’t be kissing or dating anyone else any more and neither should they, unless you are both up front about the casual nature of the relationship. After a few months or an explicit agreement, you should disable your dating profile. Once you’re in a relationship you need to close your heart to other opportunities and focus on what’s in front of you.

One of the biggest pitfalls of online dating is “The Grass is Always Greener Syndrome”. The problem with online dating is that you can fall into the trap of “this guy is good but there MAY be someone better.” You can lose a good thing if you’re always searching. Settling for someone doesn’t mean settling for second best. It means you’ve found enough of what you need to be content. It doesn’t mean forever - it means for now. And if you are involved and getting intimate and becoming trust partners, then you need to think about stopping looking for “something better”. There are no perfect people or situations and if you keep looking, you can end up alone and wondering what happened. I am always struck by the story of the lonely man, dying on his deathbed having never found love. When they asked him why he never found the perfect girl, he told them he had - but she wouldn’t have him. She was looking for the perfect man.

Character tells and any man can fool you by his words. “Everyone lies,” says Dr. House on the television show. But character is hard to hide in actions. Note how someone treats the busboy, the waitress, the panhandler outside, even how he treats or talks about his family. Behavior speaks louder than words. If he shorts the tip or brags about shoplifting or other petty crimes/misdeeds then character is lacking. You need to find someone who mirrors your values. “Opposites attract” is bullshit. And make sure you don’t mistake verbal abuse for honesty. Many women are lulled into thinking that guys giving them shit are just being honest. You can be a bad person and be honest too. Never accept any kind of abuse, even as a joke. And remember: how he treats other people is how he is going to treat you in six months when the newness is gone.

Online dating is about safety first, building trust and accepting what you find if it’s good for you. If you don’t know what you’re goals are (casual sex, dating, marriage) and you don’t know what you really want, then it will be harder to find it. Make a list of all the things you want in a mate and prioritize, then look at the top ten. If you can get any five, you’re doing really well.

Online dating is convenient, fun and so easy and it can work if you are clear about your goals, open to exploration and changes to your mindset and if you are focused on the basics - safety and trust.

Eileen M. Gormley · Answer

Be realistic.

If you are a 59 year old man, don’t look for 23 year old women. The only ones who will answer you are scammers.

Look for someone local. If they are in a different country, they have no intention of ever meeting you.

Read profiles. Seriously, you see a photo of a hot woman and ignore the big writing beside it saying, “I AM A LESBIAN” and you wonder why you are not getting dates?

Do not start with your dick. Don’t send dick pix or nudes unless you are specifically asked for one. Talk about non-sexual things you have in common.

Move to meet for coffee or a casual drink in a neutral place, that way you can see if you have real life chemistry.

Don’t expect a lot of personal information until you’ve met in person. Do the same.

Most in person dates will result in “Nice person, not for me”. This is normal, it’s not a result of online dating being defective. Most people you meet are nice people you don’t want to date. Eventually you’ll meet the one that you do want to see again and again.

Be upfront about your kinks or desires. If you are into feet or BDSM or are poly, say so early on. Yes, you’ll lose a significant proportion of people at this stage, but the ones who remain are on the same page as you.

NB - don’t be creepy about the feet. A lot of foot fetish guys are.

Rachel · Answer

Online dating presents a number of amazing opportunities to connect with like-minded people and potential romantic partners. but some seniors may be intimidated by the idea of online dating, the truth is , it’s very easy to get started.😄😄😄

1. If you’re dating, you will need smart, freshly washed clothes, a good haircut, and fresh breath: this assumes you want to succeed.
2. We all have stories, so just don’t let your past story take over.
3. Learning to value yourself even when she/he turns you down. And try to enjoy the dates, even when they lead to nowhere.
4. You may be looking for another settled relationship. Part of being a senior single is staying open to what’s possible, here and now, learning to embrace surprises, and don’t forget to be gracefully flexible.

John-Paul Wilson · Answer

Just my two cents:

1. Represent yourself positively but honestly. Use current photos, don’t lie about your hobbies, etc. Misrepresentation might get you some first dates, but probably not any seconds.
2. When messaging someone, take your time to craft a decent message. Your message doesn’t have to be too long, but note something that you liked about their profile (other than their looks) and maybe compliment them on something. Ask a question if you can as that helps generate more conversation.
3. Avoid decision paralysis. Online sites connect you with potentially hundreds of dates. Don’t obsess over which ones to message or respond to. If someone seems interesting and nice, send them a message. You didn’t capture your entire personality in your profile, so do them the courtesy of not assuming they did.
4. Don’t look for someone who ticks every single one of your boxes. As long as there’s a few things you like about them and no big red flags, go for it. If you find yourself wondering whether to message someone or not err on the side of saying “yes”. You’ll go on more dates that are duds, but you’ll have a much better chance of finding a real relationship than if you keep yourself on the shelf waiting for the exact perfect person. You’ve got a much better chance of hitting the bullseye if you take 15 shots instead of trying to hit it in one go!
5. After a few messages, arrange to meet in person. The only dates that count are the ones in meatspace.
6. Coffee dates are “date zero”. The average online first date is going out to a coffee house together for an hour. This is a good practice, as it allows you to screen for threatening or truly awful people without risking much time or putting yourself into an unsafe space. HOWEVER, be aware that an hour of cold conversation over coffee is just about the most boring date that can be imagined. You will NOT get butterflies in your stomach over someone on such a date because you’ve stacked the deck against that happening right from the start.

So don’t treat that first coffee date as the first date, treat it as “date zero”, a little pre-date to get to know the other person. If they’re nice, they put in a little effort, and they don’t come off as actively creepy or dangerous, then go on another date with them! Make it a real date the next time too, something with an activity the two of you can share, even if it’s just eating together or taking a walk in the park. A walk together in the park followed by a meal at a small restaurant is a great first date actually, infinitely more fun and interesting than getting a coffee together.

After that real first date, if you still don’t really like the person, then you can tell them you don’t want to go out again. You’ve avoided the classic online dating mistake of quitting too early. Online dating can fool people into not putting in enough effort into each prospect to see if they’re a decent match. Don’t fall into that trap.
7. Use online dating to meet people, but don’t neglect your friends and your real-world social life. Your real-world social life and your dating life and symbiotic. Spending time with friends is a must for anyone who wants to find a partner. Not only can you meet a lot of people through your friends (friends of friends are great dating prospects), but having friendships also keeps your social skills well-oiled and ready to go. It is very difficult to find a boyfriend or girlfriend if you have no friends.

If you’re searching for online dates, you should also be going out more too. Meeting people is good for you socially, and to do that you have to leave the house and go to events and things like that. I know that this can be hard, especially if you work a lot, but it really is one of the best things you can do to help you find love. Get out of the house. Be social. Meet new people. Use online dating as well.

Use the “social action plan” method if you’re not going out enough. Invite someone to do something once per week, and accept all invitations that come your way. That last part is key. Accept all invitations (unless they’re really unreasonable). The friend everybody wants to have is the friend who shows up.
8. Keep at it. Dating success doesn’t happen overnight. It really is worth it in the end though. The right match can be one of the best things you do to improve your happiness in life.

Eileen M. Gormley · Answer

Use your common sense.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Arrange to meet up as soon as possible. There are a lot of time wasters and scammers on line, meeting in person will weed those out.

Ask the awkward questions: Are you married? Are you sexually active? When did you last have an STI test? Are you kinky? Are you a Trump votor? Are you religious? Where do you stand on Roe v Wade?

There is no point wasting your time even meeting someone who is a Trump voting creationist if you are a kinky polyamorous athiest. Or vice versa.

Pay attention to the photos. Is his place a tip/still living with his parents? Does he have a drink in his hand in every one? Are there lots of skirtless posing? Is there one with his ex cut out?

Meet in a neutral place where you feel safe, for coffee or lunch. Don’t make your first date a big deal with dinner and show. Odds are, you’ll meet and chat and feel no inclination to meet again. This is normal. Most online dates consist of a chat and no more. I reckon about one in ten dates will result in “Wow, I want to see you again, and soon.”

Obviously, don’t give your bank or credit card details to anyone online, don’t give your address, and it’s better to chat through a site where you can block if necessary. But there is no need to be paranoid, most men are just looking for a date, not to cyber stalk you.

Otherwise, date and have fun.

OKmates App · Answer

The most important point is to guard against scammers. Never disclose any information about money or personal sensitive details to others. When dating, always prioritize safety. You can inform your friends about your whereabouts. In this regard, the website MillionairesChat does a great job.

Find the perfect match to share your passions with on MillionairesChat. Our advanced matching system makes it easier than ever to connect with compatible singles who are also looking for friendship, romance, or a lasting relationship. Start your senior dating journey today and create meaningful connections in no time.

Patrick Lee · Answer

Just be yourself, don’t put on airs or have a demeanour that is off putting. Smile a lot and be approachable. People will gravitate to you. No problem. Dress well, smell nice. Be friendly. BE A GREAT KISSER!

Nikitta Chau · Answer

There is no optimal online dating site. It really depends on what you are looking for and focus on your niche. It’s about doing your own research because people here do not know exactly what you are looking for.

Useful questions to ask yourself:

What do you define as a “quality man”?

What can you offer to this quality man in return?

Are you a 39 year-old happy or lonely single woman?

What help you decide whether to meet a guy from a site?

What are your hobbies?

What is your communication style (i.e. if you do not like to read long profile or reply to long messages then Tinder could be better for you but the selection criteria may be based more on external appearances over internal personality)

There are plenty of questions to answer and when you have the answers you can look for a site that is more likely to give you what you need.

Good luck!! Let me know if this helps!

LoveScout · Answer

Now that you're over 50, you have to be careful about your choice of lifepartner. After all, you don't still have time to splurge like young people, and you need stability even more now. Therefore, your choice must be long-term and solid. For the dating app and site, I think, others have told you about many online dating platforms before, and what I can recommend is actually the same. But you may not know a niche yet friendly dating app called “CougarD” . Ah, I don’t want to say much about it, and I just want to tell you that my friend found her love on it.

For dating tips, I must say that the most important thing is that your “Three Views” should be consistent. You should discern from your conversations whether the person you are interacting with has a consistent understanding of things as you do. After all, many other things can change, but everyone's thinking is difficult to correct. If the other person and your thoughts are not at the same level, then you will feel very difficult to communicate, at this time, many small problems will be expanded and affect the relationship between the couple. Therefore, as long as the Three Views are consistent, other problems are actually not problems.

Anonymous · Answer

It takes so little effort to stand out as a man. Ask the women in your life about the profiles and messages they see, most dudes are completely fucking hopeless. From being as interesting as a blank sheet of printer paper to being creepy or even hostile.

You don't have to be rich. You don't have to be a model. You just have to be genuine, polite and funny. I had a video on my Hinge profile of me doing a dance routine to an Nsync song in one of those inflatable T-Rex costumes and I had women messaging me no problem.

To my mind, there are three major questions that somebody will ask themselves before they say yes to a date.

1. Can I have fun with this person? This is where your hobbies and sense of humor shine.
2. Is this the kind of person who sleeps on a bed with no sheets in a room that smells like old beer and sweat? This is where some pride in your appearance and home is important.
3. Am I safe with this person? This is where your red flags are. Anything from sending unwanted dick pics to being really into the Jordan Peterson podcast. If you can be trusted not to be an asshole or a creep.
Those are the questions your profile needs to answer

LoveScout · Answer

I think, other poeple have told you about many online dating platforms before, and what I can recommend is actually the same. But you may not know a niche yet friendly dating app called “CougarD” . Ah, I don’t want to say much about it, and I just want to tell you that my friend found her love on it.

For dating tips, I must say that the most important thing is that your “Three Views” should be consistent. You should discern from your conversations whether the person you are interacting with has a consistent understanding of things as you do. After all, many other things can change, but everyone's thinking is difficult to correct. If the other person and your thoughts are not at the same level, then you will feel very difficult to communicate, at this time, many small problems will be expanded and affect the relationship between the couple. Therefore, as long as the Three Views are consistent, other problems are actually not problems.

Anonymous · Answer

Dating tips! NEVVVVVAAA lose your enthusiasm❗️

Or as George Bernard Shaw so wonderfully captured: “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing”

Lisa Lackey · Answer

1. if they sound too good to be true, they are. 2) if they sound good, they will be disappointing so don’t expect much. 3) if they don’t sound very good, they may not be that bad, just not desperate to look good. try that one. 3) stick with local people, anyone far away, looks good, sounds great, rich, will ask you for money. it’s a scam. 4) consider the first month practice. unless you are super lucky, you’ll wade through a lot of swamp to get to any crawdads 5) even if you are disappointed, be gracious and finish the date and thank them. try to have fun and keep the sadness off your face. they might have a great cousin they’ll introduce you to! 6) remember that no one who’s a fantastic catch is likely to end up on a dating site, including you and me.

OKmates App · Answer

Users must be genuine, and their age must be over 50. At the same time, there must be a strong crackdown on fraudulent users, and strict penalties should be enforced. I recommend this site,With MillionairesChat, enjoy meaningful conversations in a safe and friendly environment, where you can connect with your ideal match.

Alison Gothard · Answer

I met my husband on OKCupid. I’ve met quite a few people on there, some ended up being friends, others didn’t pan out. I think it’s the best of the dating sites, personally.

Carrie Kozuma · Answer

Use the http://ourtime.com app, that's where I met my guy. If you're a woman always do a background check on the person who wants to date you. If you're a guy always make sure that the lady has a full profile filled out along with a photo. I avoid all listing that have no photo and no profile. This tells me they have something to hide.

Clayton Bigsby · Answer

For men, it could be a set-up for robbery. A pretty girl on Tinder or whatever, you go to meet her and a crowd of dudes with guns beat you down and rob you, or worse. You ever see the damsel in distress trick? A man has his pretty girlfriend stand next to the car, with the hood up and when a good Samaritan comes to help her, dude jumps out of the bushes and sticks a gun in his face. Lesson: Don't trust anyone.

For women… I don't know. They could wind-up on a boring date, with a boring dude, who looks nothing like his profile picture.

Ray Badger · Answer

1. Find the right site(s) that work for you. Trying to meet someone on Tinder probably won’t work. Try Ourtime, Plenty of Fish, Silver Singles and or Match.
2. Have nice photos. At least one that shows your face and one that shows your full body. Think about having a pro take photos.
3. Don’t limit yourself any more than you have to. Profiles that have long lists of people who should not respond. I am sort of turned off by profiles that go:, no one over 20 miles, college graduates only, no one shorter than 6 feet, no smokers, no one who voted for Trump, etc, etc, They strike me as someone who would be a PITA.
4. Be active in contacting people you might be interested in.
5. Spell check your profile info. Typo’s can make you seem stupid. A well written profile can help a lot.
A couple of years ago I saw a headline on MSN that read something like “12 tips for great success on dating sites. I thought oh, great I may get some good ideas. It was the stupidest thing I ever saw and would do more harm that good, They went something like 1. Lie about your age, 2, Photoshop your photos or use old photos. 3 Lie about your income. 4. Lie about your education. I think that is terrible advice. It may get you some first dates you would not get otherwise but the real you will prevail and you will just end up wasting time and disappointing yourself and the person you meet. Being hones pays.

Heidi Gray · Answer

My advice would be to watch out for the gold diggers. Both men and women. Do not be manipulated, do not give them money and for God's sakes do not give them power of attorney. Don't remarry. You worked hard for everything you have absolutely cannot let someone come into your life and try to take it away because they will try!

Will Royce · Answer

Go “old-school” and reach out by phone before your first date. Why is this a good idea? Talking by phone allows you to hear the other individual and to pick up on certain verbal cues that may be hidden through instant messaging or texts, Additionally, this gives you the chance to feel out the individual better before first meeting.