So far all my relationships have failed. As in, I’m currently not “with” anyone and my marriage and all relationships before and after haven’t penned out. We didn’t want the same things. And that’s what is needed. You have a picture of yourself, in ten, twenty, thirty years? If you haven’t, then you should. Think about it, long and hard. Who do you want to be. And where do you want to be.

Then ask your partner, before things get serious — where do YOU want to be. Who do you want to be. And when. And how. Ask the uncomfortable questions, as early as possible in any relationship. That’s really all there is to it. A very common issue is lifestyle expectations. Does your partner want to live luxuriously, or live a simple life? Does your partner want to live in the city, or in a rural area? Does your partner want to have a family, or does your partner prefer to not have children? You cannot have these conversations a few years into the relationship… you have to get into that right at the start.

I’m a little older now. And I have been through some pain. And I just don’t want to waste any time, you know? Not hers, not mine, not anyone’s time. That’s how anyone should look at these things. The most common pitfall — you think “things will just figure themselves out”. And they don’t. Talk about things. Have the uncomfortable conversations, before you get comfortable.

I am a keen observer of human nature, and what I see by observing people interact, and also what I see here on Quora, as the main reasons why married couples drift apart, and why they start out on the wrong foot at the very beginning:

1. Bad judgment from the beginning. People mistake infatuation and sexual attraction for the best reason to get married, and overlook or don’t even see their intended’s flaws and shortcomings.
2. Unrealistic expectations.
3. Poor or non-existent healthy, continuous communication. Healthy communication means discussions instead of fights or arguments (with rare exceptions), and understanding, listening and acknowledging each other in gentle, loving ways.
4. Unresolved personal problems and/or issues going into the relationship. Going into a relationship before resolution of your own issues only complicates learning how to deal with your partner’s.
5. Getting married for the wrong reasons.
6. Men not understanding women, and women not understanding men. Men and women think with different sides of their brains. Their expectations, dreams and ideals are very different. They communicate differently. I could go on and on about this one.
7. Going into the relationship expecting the other person to change.
8. Being inflexible. Both parties must be flexible; it doesn’t work if only one of them is flexible.
9. Being emotionally incompatible.
10. Being sexually incompatible.
11. Financial problems.
12. The difficulties and stresses that arise from living intimately with another person.
13. Unrecognized mental and/or emotional issues like clinginess, control issues, etc.
14. Unknown or developed addiction problems like alcoholism, opioid or other drug addiction(s).
15. Most people’s complete unpreparedness for living together (which is sort of duplicative of #10).
16. Lack of trust.
17. Attempts to control or manipulate the other.
18. Not respecting individuality or personal space.

That’s my list of issues BEFORE they get married.

And then once they are married, there’s the lack of heathly communication, work and effort to keep interest, excitement and growth in relationships that is endemic - that’s the main reason people drift apart over time and things to be avoided and understood before getting married for a healthy, happy successful long term relationship.

Believe it or not, I have more in my Content about this subject, and you are welcome to scroll through and access whatever you believe might be of interest or helpful to you in your journey.

Enjoy, bubala!

1. Assumptions. You may assume things based on your own experiences that a potential partner will not see the same way. You may not realize that you are operating under different assumptions without extensive conversations. Talk and discover all you can about each other.
2. Denying what a person tells you about themselves. You need to believe what people say that they want and need.
3. Imbalance. A commitment involves mutual promises. A successor relationship fulfills the needs of both participants. You both must be willing to give generously to each other.
4. Staying too long in an unworkable situation. Recognize that not every situation will work out despite passion and love. Don’t suffer abuse/unhappiness once it is clear that you cannot find happiness in one another. Wanting the relationship to work is not enough to make it work.
5. Appearances. Appearances are important to many people, but they say nothing about character, commitment, kindness, fidelity, humor, or intelligence. Appearances can mislead you about those qualities that will prove to be most valuable to you.

A GOOD WOMAN TO MARRY

Your Spidey sense will tell you:

She must be honest, true and loyal. You must be able to trust her.

She must be good enough looking to you. Not beautiful or stunning that causes many problems and fades over time.

It is good if she is the opposite of you but you share common values.

She must be kind and loving to children and old people. People who can’t be of any help to her.

She must be affectionate.

No fatal flaws- No drinking, gambling, no over reliance on material possession, she has to be frugal with money. No needing attention from other men.

My wife was 28 and I was 33 when we got married. Lot of advantages. She is more active and we go on more walks.

INFP RELATIONSHIPS

INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and peaceful to others, with simple desires. In fact, the INFP internally feels his or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. INFPs do not share their intensity of feeling with anyone; they tend to be reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings, and reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few. INFPs are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing in their close relationships. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they're very sensitive and in-tune with people's feelings, and feel genuine concern and caring for others. Slow to trust others and cautious in the beginning of a relationship, an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are committed. With their strong inner core of values, they are intense individuals who value depth and authenticity in their relationships, and hold those who understand and accept the INFP's perspectives in especially high regard. INFPs are usually adaptable and congenial, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation.

INFP AS A LOVER.

INFPs are loyal and committed - they want LIFELONG RELATIONSHIPS! INFPs feel tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships. With the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony and warm feelings are central to the INFP's being. They feel a need to be in a committed, loving relationship. If they are not involved in such a relationship, the INFP will be either actively searching for one, or creating one in their own minds.

INFPs' tendency to be idealistic and romantically-minded may cause them to fantasize frequently about a "more perfect" relationship or situation. They may also romanticize their mates into having qualities which they do not actually possess. Most INFPs have a problem with reconciling their highly idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of their own lives, and so they are constantly somewhat unsettled with themselves and with their close personal relationships. However, the INFP's deeply-felt, sincere love for their mates and their intense dislike of conflict keeps the INFP loyal to their relationships, in spite of their troubles achieving peace of mind.

Unlike other types who tend to hold their mates up on a pedastal, the INFP's tendency to do so does not really turn into a negative thing in the relationship. INFPs hold tightly to their ideals, and work hard at constantly seeing their mates up on that pedastal. The frequent INFP result is a strongly affirming, proud and affectionate attitude towards their mates which stands the test of time.

INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as bill-paying and house-cleaning, but they can be very good at performing these tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers when they apply themselves.

Sexually, the INFP is likely to be initially slow to open up to their mates. Once their trust has been earned, the INFP will view sexual intimacy as an opportunity for expressing their deep-seated love and affection. More than the actual sexual act, they will value giving and receiving love and sweet words. With their tendency to enjoy serving others, they may value their mates satisfaction above their own.

One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences. "TJ"s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is negative, the TJ's attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP's fault.

For INFPs with extremely dominant Feeling preferences who have not developed their Intuitive sides sufficiently to gather good data for their decision making processes, their dislike of conflict and criticism can foretell doom and gloom for intimate relationships. These INFPs will react with extreme emotional distress to conflict situations, and will not know what to do about it. Since they will have no basis for determining what action to take, they will do whatever they can to get rid of the conflict - which frequently means lashing out irrationally at others, or using guilt manipulation to get their mates to give them the positive support that they crave. This kind of behavior does not bode well for healthy, long-term relationships. Individuals who recognize this tendency in themselves should work on their ability to take criticism objectively rather than personally. They should also try to remember that conflict situations are not always their fault, and they're definitely not the end of the world. Conflict is a fact of life, and facing it and addressing it immediately avoids having to deal with it in the future, after it has become a much larger problem.

INFPs are very aware of their own space, and the space of others. They value their personal space, and the freedom to do their own thing. They will cherish the mate who sees the INFP for who they are, and respects their unique style and perspectives. The INFP is not likely to be overly jealous or possessive, and is likely to respect their mate's privacy and independence. In fact, the INFP is likely to not only respect their mate's perspectives and goals, but to support them with loyal firmness.

In general, INFPs are warmly affirming and loving partners who make the health of their relationships central in their lives. Although cautious in the beginning, they become firmly loyal to their committed relationships, which are likely to last a lifetime. They take their relationships very seriously, and will put forth a great deal of effort into making them work.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, INFP's natural partner is the ENFJ, or the ESFJ. INFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. The INFP/ENFJ combination is ideal, because it shares the Intuiting way of perceiving, but the INFP/ESFJ combination is also a good match.

Hope that would help ;DD

Biggest difficulty of maintaining a long term relationship?

Keeping things fresh.

When you first start dating someone, it's new and exciting. You learn new things about each other every day. You thoroughly enjoy each other's company and going out together.

But eventually over time those things become too familiar. It starts to feel repetitive, and you might find your partner a bit boring or you don't feel like spending time with them as much as you used to.

Sometimes the casual, spaciness of this is fine for couples. Other times, this causes problems because they start to fall out of love. They lose interest. And there goes the relationship.

Couples who keep dating each other last much longer. They find things to do together every now and again. They enjoy each other's company, support their interests and treat each other like good friends.

The longer you’re with someone, the more comfortable you become. It's easy to become lazy and fall into habits, forgetting to show your partner you love them because it's assumed. Taken for granted. But making just that little bit of effort can make a world of difference.

No, not all.

I don't have as much visibility into the long term relationships of others, so I'll talk about mine.

My long term relationship started in 2008. Before that, we were best friends for four years, since 2004. I've known him for 13 years, about half my life right now! We were both on the same page when it started, and committed to a long term relationship without really dating.

Our relationship has never been hard. We've had arguments, and we've caused each other some pain at one point or another, but the graph is trending down on the number of those incidents. That correlates with the amount of work we put into our relationship, on both sides.

The work we put in, combined with our innate compatibility, is the reason why the relationship is easy. We're honest, and we choose our words carefully, so that we minimize misunderstanding. We apologize when we make mistakes, we change our behaviour when it's hurting one of us, and we are open about everything we feel. We view our relationship as a team. The goals of one are the goals of the other, and we work together to achieve them. We share responsibility, success and failure. And we always give each other 100%.

My first instinct is to answer communication, but that’s a very “me” thing: I seem to prioritize and value communication to a degree that many people don’t, and then the way I apply it seems unusual.

For example, I’m more comfortable with ambiguity than a lot of people, but it’s also in a casual sense. Like, when I’m uncertain if someone has a crush on me, I shrug it off and basically ignore it. It’ll mainly bother me in moments that I notice a possible crush could cause a particular response to be cruel, in a context. When things cross into that territory that affects me, I’d rather know explicitly where their head is, even if the other person isn’t sure what exactly they’re feeling about me or is feeling something they don’t want to act on.

With how boundaries can differ like that in what should be communicated (and when and if it should be), “communication” is ultimately a subjective metric, even before you factor in that there are different communication styles. The communication is only useful if it is compatible between the parties involved.

Thus, I think the ultimate answer is actually compatibility.

What do you think is the most important factor in making a relationship last?

Men, avoid them to stay safe. Statistically the most dangerous thing to a woman health and life is a man, specifically her own boyfriend. So if you do not want to get murdered raped or both, avoid men and try to be more open to relationships with other women. I myself am not a lesbian but I am in a relationship with a woman now because it is the only way on this planet not to get used, abused and if very unlucky, murdered. Of all female homocides in 2018 63% were killed by current husbands, boyfriends, or ex-husbands.

Would you buy a car that was responsible for 63% percent of all female deaths in car accidents? I would not.

Have you ever heard of the song, Escape? It’s better known as the Pina Colada song.

It starts out like this:

I was tired of my lady

We'd been together too long

Like a worn out recording

Of a favorite song

The singer then starts looking in the personals pages for a date. These days, it would an online dating app. One posting catches his eye.

If you like piña coladas

And gettin' caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga

If you have half a brain

If you like makin' love at midnight

In the dunes on the cape

Then I'm the love that you've looked for

Write to me and escape

So the guy writes his own personal. “I like all these things!” and arranges to meet this scintillating blind date at a bar. He waits there and in walks his date. It turns out to be his wife.

It was my own lovely lady

And she said, "Oh, it's you"

Then we laughed for a moment

And I said, "I never knew"

They shared the same likes, the same fantasies, the same hopes and dreams. It turned out they were each other’s best match after all. They had just fallen into a rut. The song had a happy ending, as it is presumed they rediscover each other.

*Of course in real life, they would have recognized each other as intended cheaters and probably gotten into an argument, but that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, the song did have a happy ending, but it does ask the question - what if they had just communicated with each other? What if they had just told each other, “You know, I love pina coladas. It’s been a long time since we’ve gone out and enjoyed one. What do you think?”

The way to rekindle your relationship is just be honest with what you like and what you’re looking for. Ask for what you want. And be willing to listen too. You might both be looking for the same thing.

A lot of couples will complain about each other. I’ve heard it. “He never wants to go anywhere.” “She never wants to get intimate.” There’s no universal fix, because there can be different problems. For example, how’s your mental health? Depression can look like disinterest and apathy. Also, when we don’t feel good about ourselves, it’s hard to try to seduce your partner. How’s your physical health? I’ve written before on how obesity had affect our intimate lives. Sometimes we’re all just too tired. Help each other to lighten the load. Then you can make time for each other.

Someone here has answered, “in a word compatibility.”

WRONG!

Of course compatibility factors are important, even essential, but compatibility is not the key. Flexibility in life is also essential to everything you can accomplish, including successful relationships.

The key is threefold, Communication, Focus and Devotion. Without these three, no amount of flexibility nor any number of compatibilities, will make your relationship successful, even in the short term, and certainly not in the long term.

Let me further define the characteristics of these key factors (the quotation marks are there because I am quoting from my own previous Content so that Quora doesn’t accuse me of plagiarizing myself, as it has done in the past):

Communication - honest, healthy, continuous, soul to soul discussions that are conflict free. What does this mean exactly?

“TACTFUL but honest, loving, gentle, generous communication.

With flexibility and compromise in full force, always kept in mind.

Sharing and caring. No blame laying, no name calling, no arguing, fighting, quarreling or conflict. Of course, since we are imperfect, at least as little of the aforementioned as possible!

Listening, acknowledgement and acceptance of quirks, flaws and differences in perspective and points of view.

And

Sharing, opinions, interests, goals and dreams, worshiping together, exercising together.

Discussing the days’ events, activities, even the little things, and being understanding.

Raising children together (which can either unify or divide you),

and

Growing old together. Happy to grow old together.”

“Focus - the happiest marriages involve strong focus on each other’s need, desires, interests and goals. You can prove your focus by prioritizing your beloved (and thinking of your partner as your beloved). You should each be the other’s #1 priority. When and if you increase your family, your children should then become the #1 priority for both of you, and understanding that is essential for family harmony.

Focusing on each other means listening and paying attention with compassion and empathy to even the smallest things of each other’s days; remembering the things you each prefer; being affectionate even when sex isn’t involved or opportune; nurturing the most loving relationship with words and actions just because, among other methods of nourishing enduring love and the closest, more loving relationship.

and now for the final essential,

Devotion - devotion in marriage means taking commitment to a higher level, a deeper place, creating a spiritual connection, connecting soul to soul. Of course, this is something that is built over time.

Communication, focus and devotion are the foundation and the key to every one of the happiest, healthiest, most successful long term relationships. My beloved and I are blessed to have shared one of these for almost 50 years, and that’s where my most of my perspective comes from. Of course, we’ve had our highs and lows, great years and terrible ones, even decades of each, tragedies and triumphs, and have arrived at a comfy, peaceful and loving place.”

EDIT - I wrote this over 2 years ago and I omitted something.

SEX is the cement of healthy relationships. Compatibility in sexual activities is so important!

So, to summarize,

The key to the most successful, fulfilling relationships are made up by the following foundation:

Communication,

Focus,

Devotion. and

Flexibility,

with sex as the cement.

What? It’s the easiest thing in the world! You get to know a person, know their habits, their life style. Being comfortable with a person is so much better than any kind of new thrills with new people. Novelty wears off you know.

This is how you do it. Two people meet, get to know each other, fall in love, in no particular order. Sometimes the love comes first, but the getting to know each other is the decisive factor. Maybe that love feeling was just a first response of mutual attraction. You see, time will tell.

Relationships change. They evolve. You will experience “for better or for worse.” But if all signs point to yes then you both make a commitment and keep it. Maybe you have to remind yourself now and then just what you love about a person. And have faith. Funny how people talk about having faith in a religion, but not so many people talk about having faith in a relationship.

Anyway, that’s my experience. You meet a like minded person and they are your best friend. What could be better than that, really?

Thanks for the A2A, Beth.

I started to write my answer by listing things which I believe help to contribute to a long-term, good relationship. But then I re-read the question and noticed that you ask "What are good relationships like...?"

Well, I feel qualified to answer here as my wife and I have been a couple for a little over 25 years. We've had good and bad times, but we never broke up or walked out on one another. We got married after 13 years because we wanted to - not because we felt we had to. I'd say we have a good relationship. We enjoy being together and just sharing time. We enjoy doing crazy stuff together like suddenly deciding to drive for two hours to visit a medieval festival where hairy guys in kilts sang heavy rock with bagpipes (I enjoyed the music and she enjoyed the topless guys in skirts...). The year I spent writing my novel, I read each part to her as soon as I had finished writing, every evening. When she has a tough day at work, we discuss it and suggest ways to respond. We are entirely different people. I'm classic adult ADHD - impulsive, explosive and imaptient. She is far more patient than me, but when she starts laughing, she falls into a sort of feedback loop and often can't stop. We laugh a lot.

So, what's it like in a relationship like that? Well, you can be honest and be yourself. I mean, there is no way we could have kept up trying to be different from the way we really are for 25 years, living together right from the start in an apartment the size of the glove compartment of my car today... But having said that, what's really cool about a long-term relationship is that people change. Not that she forces me to change or I try to change her, but we have both changed tremendously since we met. But we have changed together and continue to do so. I've changed career repeatedly, from student to IT developer to Communications Manager to being unemployed and then starting working day and night for a security company, and now again, a career change. These wild leaps have changed me. A great deal. She was always there and supported me, she acted on stage with me, she because a Rescue Diver when I was an Instructor (but I never taught her - she always took courses from colleagues of mine).

After a certain point, a comfortable feeling of being a winning team develops. We know one another well. But never so well that it becomes boring, because we're constantly changing. We know that we can implicitly and completely trust the other person and that they won't judge, because we're a team. If I go and do something really dumb, she will tell me that that was really dumb and be pissed off at me for a bit. And I'll feel bad. But I'm incorrigible in some things to do with big motorcycles and overdoing things when I train (sigh).

We listen to different types of music, read different books - except we both read and really enjoy Neil Gaiman. I enjoy shopping with her because I enjoy it when she looks good. Because she's my wife. She's that person I want to be with and - honestly - she looks a LOT better in that beautiful French dress than I would.

I notice other girls. She notices good-looking other guys. We joke about it. I mean, we're not dead, so we're okay with noticing other people, but cheating would be a terrible betrayal of the trust we have for one another.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to wake up beside anyone else.

My wife and met in a college singing group.

Well, actually I noticed her. She was gorgeous and one of the stars.

I was one of the backup singers. Way back.

I tell her, “It was love at first sight for both of us.”

She just laughs. Somehow that’s not comforting.

We went on our first date about 6 months later.

We went out 3 times then I left for grad school.

We communicated writing letters. Yeah, you know those things people wrote back in the dark ages.

At a desk not a stoplight.

And that took like a week to get instead of nano-seconds.

And that this beautiful girl, who I was falling in love with, wasn’t always the best about writing back.

I flew home for a long weekend in October. At that point I think we both realized something serious seemed to be going on.

I came home again after the semester in December. I decided to move back as I didn’t like the school. And I really liked this girl.

So in January I checked out. Packed everything I owned in my VW Bug. And drove cross country in 3 days.

I guess I was a little anxious to see her.

We dated for a month then on a trip to a friend’s wedding in Los Angeles I asked her to marry me.

Amazingly she said, “Yes.” And didn’t stutter or hesitate.

And as the movies say, “They lived happily ever after.”

Ok well, “ever after” for sure. And most of the time happily.

All together we probably dated 2 months before we became engaged.

I guess we were too young and crazy in love to know better. So we just made it work.

A few months ago we celebrated our anniversary.

We were eating dinner in a favorite French bistro in Carmel. We sipped wine and listened to soft music as the candles flickered. The sun set creating a crimson glow through the windows.

I held her hand, looked into her eyes and said, “You know kid, I think we’re going to make it.”

She laughed. “Yep, I think so.”

“It’s been quite an adventure. I’m glad I got to share it with you.”

“It’s worked out well. I’m glad too.” She smiled.

And as the movies say, “They lived happily ever after.”

Well, for sure, ever after. And most of time, happily.

The length of dating isn’t critical. The depth of love is.

- Surprise them with a small gift or a note that shows you appreciate them. It doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate, just something that makes them smile and feel loved.

- Plan a date night where you do something fun and exciting together. It could be a movie, a concert, a game, or anything that you both enjoy. The point is to have fun and reconnect with each other.

- Recreate your first date or another memorable moment from your relationship. Reminisce about how you met, what you liked about each other, and how you fell in love. This can help you remember why you chose each other and what makes your relationship special.

- Try something new together. It could be a hobby, a sport, a cuisine, or a travel destination. Learning and exploring together can help you grow as a couple and keep things interesting.

- Spice up your intimacy. Don't be afraid to experiment and try new things in the bedroom. You can also flirt, tease, and compliment each other throughout the day to build up the anticipation and desire.

- Communicate openly and honestly. Share your feelings, thoughts, dreams, and fears with your partner. Listen to them with empathy and respect. Don't let small issues turn into big problems. Resolve conflicts calmly and constructively. Express your gratitude and affection often.

Remember that every relationship takes work and commitment, but it's worth it if you love each other. Keep the flame alive and enjoy the journey together!

For a long term relationship I believe there are a lot of factors that hold importance. Priority is a very important thing, so factors affecting a relationship can been prioritized. In my view I have mentioned the priority below, it may be correct for certain people and may be incorrect. After a long term analysis I have decided this priority.

1. Understanding- I have given this factor as the first priority as I think if we don’t understand something we cannot act. So in a relationship most important factor should be understanding. How well you understand each other, each others behavior, reaction. Understanding the basic pillar for any relationship. With understanding comes compatibility. You get compatible to that person when you tend to understand them and they tend to understand you.
2. Respect- After understanding I believe respect is most important aspect. If we don’t respect each other, each others feelings, desires, needs, it is almost impossible to hold the relationship. Respecting each other’s choices, decisions is very important for a healthy and long term relationship.
3. Trust- I have given this the third priority as if you understand someone and respect them, it would simply be not enough. Trust is a very important factor. If you trust someone, you tend to open up more and are able to express more. This improves communication, affection and many other things leading to a healthy relationship.
4. Love- Yes guys I believe love should be fourth and not first. Without above three factors you cannot truly love someone. Love comes only when you have above three factors present. Love is very important part for a relationship. I am not including care separately as with loves comes care. When you truly love someone, you tend to care about them more.
5. Honesty- For some this factor can be forth priority and I believe it should be depending on the person. Honesty hold a great importance. If you are not honest to each other, it will slowly start to affect the trust factor of relationship and slowly it will eat your relation like a termite. So honesty is very important. Even at certain point it might hurt to know few things, but you get to keep trust and respect of the person and slowly they start to forgive you.
6. Acceptance- Every relationship has arguments, fights, conflicts. Acceptance is one thing that resolves it. If both have acceptance, we tend to love each other more, grow up into a better person and therefore to a better relationship. Acceptance not only means to accept when you are wrong, it also means accepting there can be other prospective of viewing or looking. Acceptance tells you and the other person that you made some mistakes and you want to improve it. Acceptance only comes when you realize the mistake and improve it.
7. Sex/Intimacy- I have mentioned it in seventh as for few people it hold a lot of importance, for some it is not that important. But it is too an important part of a relationship and should be considered depending on the need of each other and level of hormones.

There are other factors which are important but not true and needed for every relationship.

Here are few of them - distance, affection, humor, money(this can be important at certain level).

Some common pitfalls people face when searching for a meaningful, long-term connection built on true love include:

1. Unrealistic expectations: Many people have an idea of what their perfect partner should be like, which can lead to disappointment when reality doesn't match up.
2. Fear of vulnerability: Being open and honest with someone can be scary, and some people may avoid true intimacy out of fear of getting hurt.
3. Lack of self-awareness: It's important to understand your own needs, values, and emotional triggers in order to build a healthy relationship.
4. Settling for less: People may settle for someone who is not truly right for them because they are afraid of being alone or have a fear of rejection.
5. Not being able to compromise: In any relationship, compromise is essential. People who are unable to compromise may struggle to build a long-term connection.
6. Focusing too much on physical attraction: While physical attraction is important, it is not the only thing that matters in a relationship and should not be the sole criteria for choosing a partner.
7. Not being patient: Finding the right person takes time and patience, and rushing into a relationship before you are ready can lead to disappointment.

I’m learning to understand these tips too in my own relationship. Here is what I think is useful:

• Respect each other and give each other space. The one thing I learned is that space is so important for two people in a relationship. Being together all the time only makes the excitement fade slowly. Space is the best way to create feelings of missing each other, longing for each other, and understanding how amazing your partner is.
• Going for holidays or activities together. It will always spark the relationship and makes it memorable for both of you.
• Be best friends with each other. Romance will always fade in the end, and what left will be love, I mean the real love. If you want to keep your relationship alive, don’t forget to be that person your partner can rely on to without afraid of being judged or blamed.
• Try new things together, including in bed. As much as you can’t be bothered to dress yourself up to seduce your partner, it is still a great tip to get each other excited and want more.
• LOVE YOURSELF and BE EXCITED IN YOUR OWN COMPANY. This is universal law nobody can deny. When someone is happy and excited in their own company and their own life, it is the most attractive quality ever. Who wants to walk away from a person who fully love, respect, and happy in their own life? ;P

Hope it helps!

Marriage comes with built in goals.

The house

The couch

The first child

The second child

At about year seven those boxes are checked. After the wild enthusiasm, discovery and the marriage, honeymoon and the built in goals. Some couples say, now what? Cheating, gambling, and drinking. The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years.

Now let us beat that. I have been married going on 32 years. Planning can help. Have a sit down with your spouse and ask him or her what should be some goals to tackle together. For us it was a trip around the world in thirty days, the development of our children (affording private schools, best BD parties ever). We had a job change that took us to another region of the country we really relied on each other, the escape back to our hometown, four refinancing’s, continued trips together with the entire family (Alaska cruise, London/Paris, Riviera Maya, dozens of camping trips- we have a trailer.)

The point is we never had a dull moment- always working our way up the hill together. We had things we wanted to accomplish, we both wanted.

Keep your passion for each other, after 30 years I love to cuddle.

It not the infatuation or the joy of discovery it's the quiet knowledge that you accept the other person and that you complete each other.

The challenges in a healthy relationship look different than the issues that come up in a toxic relationship. In a stable, healthy relationship, both people will be honest about what the issue they’re having actually is, and they will both commit to improve out of mutual respect for each other and respect for the self. In a toxic relationship, you’ll see issues being called other issues, and blame being assigned regardless of what result that produces.

Some challenges a healthy relationship might include could be the the same challenges as in a toxic relationship, but the way that the healthy couple handles it determines a different result for the trajectory of the relationship. A challenge or fight is a lot less likely to cause an impulsive breakup for a couple with a grip on honesty in high-tension and unpleasant scenarios. Healthy relationships don’t go through multiple breakups and reunifications. When a toxic couple fights, they use the challenges that arise in the relationship as a way of exerting power over the structure or existence of the relationship itself. In a healthy relationship, the couple sees their partnership as many millions of times larger than the challenge, so the challenge would have to be approached unsuccessfully many times for the healthy couple to consider it a threat to the relationship itself.

This is all to say that the answer to your question is yes and also no. Struggling in a relationship is normal, but how the couple reacts to it determines if the relationship is toxic or healthy. I might even go so far as to answer your question “No,” because being able to *handle* a challenge in a relationship is so much more valuable than *avoiding* challenges.

• Trust: No trust, no relationship. Trust is the foundation. Without it, you have nothing but a disaster.

• Communication: Neither one of you can read minds. Assumptions only cause big problems.

• Sex: When this goes, A LOT of things go with it. It is ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS.

• Space: Do not smother one another.

• People change: It is impossible to avoid, and more often than not, one of you will. Have an open mind, do your best to grow with the changes instead of trying to stop them from happening. DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER, it will fail miserably and cause an incredible amount of problems, hostility, and resentment.

• Don't make your relationship your life, and vice versa: Have your RELATIONSHIP and then your LIFE, two separate things.

• Learn to agree to disagree: You WILL disagree on A LOT of things, don't let differences ruin your relationship.

• NEVER leave an argument or problem without working it out: Whether it's fully dealt with or you have to agree to disagree, make sure it's one of those two.

• Never forget why you fell in love in the first place. Do not neglect to make a point to constantly let one another know how much you love them. No matter what.

• Always go to bed together: If possible, and ESPECIALLY if you both lead very busy lives with very little time for each other during the day. Seems trivial, but it's not. It has a significant positive impact, promise ☺

I am going to give one of those direct and horrible explanations because it is clear:

All relationships are economic, in the sense that what you get out of the relationship has to be worth what you put into it, in your own opinion. People value different aspects of relationships differently, so you can’t tell whether a relationship is worth it for someone ELSE, but you sure know for YOU. If someone ends a long-term relationship with you, you have not been worth the effort it took to be with you. Either you don’t meet their needs well enough, or what you expect in return seems unreasonable to them. That’s it. A person who leaves a long-term relationship waits quite awhile, and usually makes some attempts to balance the relationship before they choose to leave - and you are WAY in the hole.

Perhaps you demand they tolerate or even facilitate behavior that is unacceptable to them. That is why people leave drinkers and drug addicts. Perhaps you are LITERALLY too expensive, and their standard of living will improve significantly if they leave you. Perhaps you do not offer enough intimacy or enough attention, or maybe even just enough focused TIME. Maybe you are boring. Maybe they have discovered that you offend their sense of honor or rightness. Maybe you don’t keep up your body well enough for them to continue to be attracted to it. Maybe you are too stressful for them. Maybe you are getting in the way of their goals - like having a family before they are old. You probably even KNOW why, because chances are they have told you many times.