In youth I was managing a volcano flow of hormones and I either had or was constantly searching for a partner. I was horny all the time and I was a ROMANTIC. I was going to find HIM and the idea was that we where going too live happily ever after and boff ourself well into senility, which at the time I reckoned to hit people at about forty. My expectations where set pretty high and my affairs tended to torch and burn after a year or so. Like a lot of middle class kids I was often attracted to freaks, druggies, wierdos, and all manner of bohemian marginalia. Anything or anyone to burn off the milquetoast sameness of the tiny world I was raised in. Being a freak, druggie, and wierdo myself (and a good looking one to boot) offers where plentiful.

Eventually I decided that it was time to get serious. Well actually it was time to get serious in some ways but perhaps lighten up in others. The passion and vigor that defined my twenties was starting to feel decadent and unwholesome in the early morning light of thirty. So I made a conscious choice to change the type of men I dated. I avoided the relentlessly cynical, fast talking, "art-fag" extrovert with his raccoon eyes, black clothing and methamphetamine-dusted-but-all-too-sexy constantly flared nostrils, and made a play for shy, even calm men. I was partnered within a year.

The guy I fell for was strong and balanced and taught me about domestic life. I chose him because he calmed me. I also chose him because it was time to chose somebody. He was not on fire for the arts or in a hurry to hurl his body under the brutal wheel of poetry but rather the son of a farmer who played the piano and had a fondness for show tunes. Unlike the often tortured, self-involved souls who had tented my pants in the past, this one actually smiled a lot. Not only that, he didn't need medication to do it.

Most people who have lived with someone will probably agree that it's a hard thing to do. I found it to be really hard but worth it. I did it for ten years until my early forties - then we broke up.

This is not easy to admit but my forties where characterized by a rising anxiety to be partnered again. I didn't recognize it at the time, but I wasn't dating so much as shopping for a husband. I had a tendency to interview people rather than meet them. I wish I had had David Hood's self awareness and had put some of that energy into myself, but the compulsive aspect of my nature was at play and time was flying. By fifty I crashed into the mother of all age-related depression.

Now at 53 I feel somewhat o.k. I have an appreciation for being single but am open to other possibilities. I get lonely but its manageable.

Today if I met a guy that I was interested in it would most likely be because he had a keen but compassionate sense of humor. That's really about it. At this point I think of a relationship as being built on a sensibility you share and cultivate rather than a collection of similar interests or even values. Much of the scrutiny I once applied to people seems funny to me now. I know what works and doesn't work for me, but I also know that connection happens in the strangest of places. And I am sure that no internet checklist is going to get me any closer to it. The basis on which I once rejected or embraced romantic partners was a product of idealistic youth - and a product of the manna of possibilities that youth can offer. That was fine for then. I was young and wanted the world. Now I think it would be nice to have someone to watch TV with.

Very good question! I'm 67, and my spouse died 2 and half year ago after 33 years marriage. I had lived in deep depression for a year, but somehow (helped by psichologists, psichiatrists) now I feel better, got my pills. I know very well my personal, intim problems, I have diabetes, high blood pressure, and I'm a little bit fat, but I have no problems with the on-line datings. I don't want much younger ones, but I can tolerate if a lady is a little bit older than me. I don't pay for love. I'm honest and I try to be very nice, and clever, and I have them laughed, I prefer those ladies who are educated, moreover those ones who have their job, calling, passionate hobby (except solitaires). I like to laugh, so my "girlfriends" don't feel bothered by me usually. We know our age, but nothing better than to have an interesting talk, a usefull debate, to talk about great questions (politics, God, people, moral, bad government, next elections) to go to an exhibition, theatre, to listen to music together, and so on. Given our Past mutual, we know the same old jokes, our language (the style, the slang) is mutual, we can remember the most interesting events from the last decades, we compare our fate, our parents, their education habits, we advise each other what to watch on You Tube. Honey, do you remeber when.... Would you mind watching on You Tube... How interesting lecture was held on TED... Have you red this book?.... And let me confess, meanwhile our libido have been already not so strong, (but there are elderly ladies with stronger libido, then those horribile teenagers have, as far as I can remember), we know that the love is very important. Be honest, be nice, the ladies are forever ladies, and they love to be praised, to be loved, and they love the men of good taste, they don't want to quarell. They would like to feel that they are in safety by a man. (Usually a not too succesfull connection ends within two or three months.) Of course in this age nobody wants to give her or his indepency up, it is not necessary to move in a mutual flat, forbidden to ask for that, no need to meet every day, nobody wants to become a nurse, a doctor, a psichologist, a social worker in an intim connection, and as regards money the personal secrets must be kept (income, bank accuunt, debts), the necessary delicacy and the honesty are the most important questions. The best situation, when a lady and a man are on the same living standard, they have the same or similar taste, and they are happy to communicate each other, they have their nice evenings, and no need to watch those nasty, boring tv programs, soap operas, and last but not least a great adventage for a man, if he can cook well. What a great feeling, when I cook something new, and my she-friend seat there, and I tell her how to create a good dish, which is new for her. (No need to infrom her, that I have learned it the day before yesterday from a book.) Be optimistic, and you will find your lady when the previous one leaves.
And a few very important warning! Every lady has her close friends, usually ladies from the same age, same culture, same social status, don't want to know them, don't want to organise evenings, parties for them, but try to know what do they think on you, becouse your lady tell everything to them from you. Than valuate her answer! It is a good mirror! (The same regards to her family. By the way the more grandchildren they have the worst.) Finally: love her, and love her cat or dog! But don't wait that she will love your cat or dog, croco or elephant. No, you have no right, I'm far from perfect. For example here is my poor English.

I was showing my dad the features on Tinder, as he casually looked from at a woman’s profile that was presented. He is happily married to my mother, but was curious about all the craze.

“So swiping right means yes, and swiping left means no?” He said, inquisitively.

“Yup. That’s pretty much it.” I said, amused at his fascination. I let him try a few swipes, and watched as he became discerning all of a sudden.

He said, “Man. I would have loved this when we were at the Naval Academy (which was all men at the time). Also, Sean, you really need better pictures for your profile,” he said, handing me my phone back. He wasn’t wrong.

I’d tumbled into the single world in 2013, just after Tinder became mainstream. I’d long heard of dating apps with extreme and mixed reviews in all directions. But there was no denying that more and more couples cited them as their progenitor.

I went in with high hopes but was realistic. On some dates, we hit it off. On others, my date seemingly hated the mere sight of me. One woman gave one-word answers to every question I asked while looking down at the table, miserable. Our date dragged on for one long hour before I called it quits and asked for our check.

To be clear, most dates weren’t like this. But enough were that I began wondering, “Why even go on this date?”

Which brings us to a trend with many names, and that I call the “dinner digger” problem. It is born of the online dating era and isn’t unique to women, but generally consists of singles going on dates with hopes of a free meal.

And what might surprise you — there’s been many studies on the trend, and there are dangers one should watch out for.

Decoding the dating freeloader problem

A study in The Journal of Social Psychology and Science found that nearly 25% of women surveyed went on a date with an unpromising suitor in hopes of a free meal at least once. The researchers — Dr. Brian Collison and Dr. Trista Harig — dubbed these events, “foodie calls” as a practice and also, “sneating”, a combination of sneaky and eating.

Obviously, dinner digging isn’t good. In many ways, it’s the counter to the pickup artist, who pretends he’s interested in a relationship, only to bounce as soon as he beds a woman. In this case, she’s feigning interest to bag a meal.

Men have struck too. In 2019, stories emerged of a 45-year-old LA man who was deceiving women he met online, going out to eat with them — only to ditch them just prior to the check arrived. Per one woman, he ordered more than $100 worth of food before disappearing. The incidents led to his arrest and sentencing to 120 days in county jail, and included an order that he stay off Bumble or Plenty of Fish.

Of the people who did “foodie calls”, the average person among them had done it five times, with many saying they do these dates frequently.

Which is a bit perplexing on a personal level. As much as I love food, there are few things more demoralizing than a bad date. I either feel bad for spending the time and money with someone who wasn’t vibing or liking me, or I feel bad because I don’t like the person who liked me more.

Bad dates left me deflated and, after enough of them, made me want to quit dating.

Is it worth using a person?

Researchers found that the women who did do foodie calls tended to have more traditional views of gender roles. Women who weren’t as comfortable with a man paying weren’t as likely to indulge in such a scheme.

Yes, there’s still a cultural expectation that men should pay for the first date, with 77% of people saying it was appropriate. I actually have no problem with this and prefer to see it through a chivalrous view, right in line with offering to hold a door for a woman.

Naturally, I would have heartburn if I learned a date was milking me for free dinners. Sadly, I suspect it has happened in varying shades.

I had a first date with a woman, who ordered three glasses of a $25-per-glass wine, which felt a bit excessive given we were in our 20s, and that I’m not a professional athlete who showed up in a Lamborghini. The real heartburn came when she ghosted me after the date — that I paid for.

Regardless, I hope this is a reminder to both men and women seeing this, to carry themselves authentically, and not yank each other around in whichever convenient direction avails itself.

If it’s any consolation, the type of person who does foodie calls is not the person you want to be with anyway. They tend to score higher in the dark triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy). They may see these antics as acceptable forms of manipulation to get what they want and score low on empathy.

To those worrying about getting foodie called — I’d recommend scheduling your first dates for more casual settings. Make it a coffee date, or meet at a bar for a drink. It’s less pressure and expense, and risk that someone is farming you for free pasta.

The thing to takeaway

I’ve seen so much resentment among long-term singles, with both men and women. My hope is that people get as much value out of dating as I did. Even outside of meeting my partner and dealing with the frustrations and headaches dating always brings, I found the process rewarding and fun. You have to take the good with the bad.

Putting aside all notions of gender roles and equality — I wish people would just stop being jerks to each other. Stop treating one another as a free meal, as a quick fix for your sex drive, or as an emotional sponge in the wake of a breakup.

What bothers me is that I know that, just as with pickup artists, a good number of these dinner diggers don’t feel bad about what they’re doing. They see it as just part of their modus operandi, as all part of the game.

When we live in a society of free choices, there is always a way to get ahead by being unethical. I’d posit there are a few obvious and unspoken truths about dating.

One, you don’t owe anyone anything just because you went on a date with them. Two, you should actually be interested in the person you are seeing or at least curious to know more about them before agreeing to go.

Otherwise, you are just wasting the person’s time and, in this case, their money too. Stay cool and do the right thing, folks. The universe has a subtle way of punishing this type of bad energy.

If we want chivalry to remain, let’s not destroy it by feeding off of it.

It's better than ever that people over 60 are looking for love. With the Internet, you can meet mature singles anywhere in the world! There are many online dating sites for older people to choose from. There are so many online dating sites for seniors to choose from.

Popular dating services for the elderly range from the mainstream, such as Match and eHarmony, to niche sites such as Silver Singles, which specializes in people over 50.

eHarmony is the best dating site for people over 50 because their unique matching technology is based on scientific research. It uses more than 20 compatibility dimensions to narrow down matches -- more than any other online dating site.

You can also try Hookoo. it's a highly advanced dating site for people of all ages. There are a lot of things to love about this site and a lot of reasons for people to choose it over and over again.

I joined match when I moved to NYC at age 23. I received between 10-20 messages everyday (usually on the higher end of that spectrum), so I had a lot of potential mates. I got into a relationship with one guy I really hit it off with. We've since broken up, and I've moved to LA (I'm 26 now). I am on OKC now and I get less than 10 messages per day. Of those messages received, there has been probably less than 1% that I would consider being friends/acquaintances with. I wouldn't consider dating any of them.

On Match, in NYC, at age 23, there were probably at least 10 guys out of about a thousand+ who messaged me (aggregate) that I would like to date. I would have been friends/acquaintances with many more, if I had time. So basically, I don't know if I've become less attractive, or if guys have become worse, or if there are just too many variables, or all of the above... either way, it kinda sucks!

In terms of how I approach it, my standards have gotten way lower. I read every message (almost - maybe I skip the really long ones) just hoping (and giving the benefit of the doubt) that it's a thoughtful message. Before I would only open about 10% of them and I would read them almost looking for something wrong so I wouldn't have to reply because I didn't have time. I also have a little more time now. But honestly, now I would GLADLY date any of the guys I've friendzoned in the past, unfortunately though even finding someone friendzone-worthy has become very difficult!

To clarify, I used to friendzone guys who were younger than me, not particularly distinguished in their careers, not particularly ambitious/curious/funny, or just guys that I didn't have time for because I was dating other "hotter" guys. Now I would be happy to date anyone who won't cheat on me and has even an inkling of chemistry with me.

I was married for 52 years when my wife died. I hadn't dated in more than 1/2 century. I had a great marriage so I didn't want to be alone for the rest of my life. So what do you do? The rules had changed in 50 years. There were things I had no idea about. There were things I wanted in a relationship that I wasn't sure a woman really wanted, and I had no idea how you approach them? There is the loniness factor that takes away your common sense, and ofcourse the rejection factor as well. Now consider the fact that I had to ask my 47 year old son what I should do. It was a scary time.

After making a big mistake because of loneliness I settled down and made my own set of rules. I rewrote my profile several time so it accurately reflected who and what I was. I posted pictures that really reflected who I was. I decided who and what I was looking for. In my previous dating life I had been exposed to the concept of becoming someone's financial angel and I did not want that so I created three deal killers. First I did not want to remarry, 2. The woman had to be financially stable(not need a financial angle), and 3. she should want intimacy in the relationship.

With that done I started the process again accepting the fact I might well fail. I searched and dated for about three months when I met my second love. She to had lost her spouse She was 69, she didn't want to remarry, she too didn't want to be a financial angle, and she also was looking for an intimate relationship. We have been together over two year now.

It may well have started with doubt, loneliness and fear however it ended with me finding more than I hoped for so obviously it was well worth the effort.

I'll let you into a secret. Online dating leads to “conventional relationships” sooner or later.

Online dating is simply another way to meet new people. Eventually, to have an actual relationship, you have to meet in person. If not, it could be classed as an online friendship, but it's not really a romantic relationship.

Online dating let's you discount people you are fairly sure you aren't interested in before you meet in person. If you get along online, then eventually you want to meet them face-to-face. When that happens, you are no longer online dating, you've transitioned into real life dating. From that point on, it works like any other relationship, you keep learning about each other and evaluating whether you want to spend more time together. If it works out, hopefully you move in together or get married, just as if you'd met any other way.

Question: Is senior dating doable?

Answer: You bet your sweet bippy it is! (If you are old enough to remember that line from “Laugh In”, you are probably a senior or on the verge of being one.)

I had to start Senior Dating when my wife of many years died. At first it was nearly as difficult in my 60’s as it had been in my teens and twenties. But life is not as intense at every moment when you are 65 as it is when you’re 20 or so. So, there was nervousness, but I could get past it. And when I had a date that was obviously “Let’s not go there again!”, I could call it a “learning moment” and move on.

The toughest part was that while I was obviously a Senior (Check my photo), I had some trouble at first seeing women my own age as desirable. In the Middle Ages or even later, I could have just gone after younger women. While that’s not impossible now, it has lots more drawbacks than it used to. I don’t recommend it.

Eventually I met a woman (Online) who was my age and seemed to be interesting. So we had coffee. And went kayaking. And I fell in love, big time. And realized that women my age could be attractive. Very attractive. “Turn your cell phone off, we’re busy this weekend” attractive.

Practical advice:

Be patient and pay attention to the process, as you stumble into this new version of what you used to do.

Be clear with yourself on what your standards are, and then stick to them. Don’t settle for just OK. (You may find you’re tweaking your standards as you learn more about yourself. That’s OK. You can adjust them to fit an ongoing better understanding of yourself, provided you don’t lower them out of fear.)

Try online dating. Really. “Our Time” is aimed at seniors. I’m sure there are other good sites. Online dating vastly speeds up the first, time consuming, stage of meeting people. (While keeping you at a safe distance.) Once you’ve got some viable options, you still need to do real dates and sit face-to-face with someone for the first time. I crashed and burned on about six actual dates before I met Ms Right. Your mileage may vary.

One more thing. If sex is at the heart of your question, you can have it both ways. If you and your libido are still good buddies, you can find members of the opposite sex who are glad to hear that. And if you want a quiet, friendly, intimate-but-not-sexual relationship, you can find that, too. You will, of course, have to be upfront about which way you want to go at some point.

Good luck!

Yes! Senior dating is very possible, but you do have to watch out for any potential online safety threats that might be looming if you’re going the online dating or dating app route.

For those who are new to the online dating or dating app scene, here are some safety precautions to take to ensure your personal identity and physical safety stay in check:

1. Be wary of profiles with little or no information, or profiles that have some type of stock photo as their avatar.
2. Avoid connecting with people far away, and of course, be careful when someone asks for any personal info upfront.
3. If you opt to speak with a potential date on the phone, use a cellphone instead of your landline. Home phones are much easier to trace, meaning that someone could use your home telephone number to figure out where you live much more easily than your cell.

If you do end up meeting someone for a date, keep these safety tips in mind:

1. Always meet in a busy public place, and make sure someone knows where and when you’ll be having your date.
2. Watch your alcohol intake. Alcohol is known for being a great social lubricant, but it’s best to stay sober for a first date in order to make sure you’re making good decisions about your actions and keeping yourself safe.

For more senior social media and online dating safety tips, check out this guide: Ultimate Guide to Social Media & Online Dating Safety for Seniors

It’s no secret that things are moving towards digital.

Online dating is so common today that it’s almost ‘weird’ to go up and talk to someone.

Social media and online dating platforms are only making us LESS social.

We are ‘connected’ to millions of people as soon as we log on but we are losing our innate social skills.

Which, in my eyes is the BEST reason to develop these skills.

Just because someone is good at texting, doesn’t mean they will have good social dynamics in person. The people who focus on in person communication will win every time.

Do this and you will be way ahead of the game.

Here’s a video explaining this in more depth:

A woman should behave as she normally does. Online or otherwise. If she prefers men to do all the work when dating, continue to do so. Eventually a man that likes the chase will approach. But if a woman is confident and normally forward, she should contact a man she likes. There is no harm in correctly representing her personality. Being honest about yourself and your personality is preferable. The last thing you want to do is attract the wrong kind of person.

The woman I happily call my wife contacted me first when online dating. As it happens, I am not in the least attracted to meek women. For me, long gone are the days where a woman was only useful to keep a house while I work all day. I find that sort of thinking ignorant and underestimating. By the same token, I have higher expectations of the women I spend my time with. Misrepresentation ended more than one date. A person should never try to fake ANYTHING in order to impress someone.

Be yourself.

Anyone who is slim build and not terribly fit/strong regardless of age/sex is advised to be sensible about where they meet people - choose a public space rather than a dimly lit Park or a out of the way pub up an alleyway, no matter how nice that pub looks in daytime, you do not want to invite trouble into your life as some people get drunk BEFORE they meet you for a “Date/social drink”.

Who & what people are looking for on dating sites varies enormously from people who want to run wild & free and find a partner who also likes Extreme Sports, to someone who might be older (or injured/born disabled) who’s looking for a more sedentary companion. Society is infested with people who practise deception so all are advied to do everything they can to establish the NATURE of whoever they meet. My advice is that you pay a lot of attention to how much the person you meet, drinks, and especially pay attention if they’re texting anyone else or taking more than one phone call during your Date. I once met up with someone who spent the entire time replying to texts, it wasn’t exactly an enjoyable “date” - years later I discovered that this individual or their supposedly Later Met partner had actually abused my home address by setting up a Life Insurance policy in their name claiming them to own/occupy MY home! (This was proven to me face to face by a member of Bank Staff to whom I shall be eternally grateful for proving to me that I wasn’t ‘going mad’, and I wasn’t wrong); What the person had been doing was sending feedback to a 3rd party that I was till in the pub, presumably the texts were going to the person I later found out had robbed her employer of £25,000 Takings before the two of them emigrated to the USA in presumably financed by the Fraud Proceeds of a Life Insurance Payout after they faked the death of one or other of them. (You’ve probably guessed that I stopped dating a long time ago!) Older people using dating sites can be more prone to this type of Fake Date scenario, and younger people might be more prone to being overcome by a drunkard who loses control of themself. I’d advise anyone to take a friend with them if they can who can sit/stand at a discreet distance on the first Date & help make sure nothing untoward happens.

Whatever you do - do NOT go to someone’s house (or to a party at their friend’s house) until you’ve met and chatted with someone several times. Make sure your phone is charged before you go out and has credit allowing you to make at least half a dozen calls. Tell your family members or close friendswhere you’re going out to and when you’ll be back. Websites will usually issue similar Good Practice advise to people regardless of their age/Dating aims.

Having asked hundreds of people “what was the outcome of your last five or ten first blind dates”—the word failure/no chemistry/ they never showed up/they talked about themselves and just wanted me to buy them dinner—-are better adjectives than “successful.”

Of COURSE some people are connecting via on-line dating.

In the US (and perhaps where you are) it’s generally an exceptionally wonderful FAILURE device that rarely leads to a second (or fifth) date.

Not in agreement? Find five random people and ask them how their last five first dates turned out. “Did that first blind date lead to a fifth date?”

Yes? No? Why not?

Let me know what YOUR research finds out—-and let me know your country, and the ages and genders and sexual orientations of the people you asked.

“It’s a huge waste of time.”—-Robert Berend, Ph.D. in human sexuality (and I did my Ph.D. dissertation on first blind heterosexual dates in the San Francisco area).

Nope, those older dudes mostly just have fun with messing with them, knowing that those younger ones won’t be able to keep up. Watched my dad do it a lot of times. He was very successful, and accustomed to those trashy bitches that were just after his wallet always trying to blow sunshine up his ass. He would have a field day with those idiotic twats. He loved to embarrass them in public if they didn’t get the hint and just walk away. He wanted a QUALITY woman, wasn’t interested in having a QUANTITY of them.

Older men with intelligence are usually bored with the very young because they are kind of stupid, and can’t really hold up their end of the conversation very well.