Can you recommend specific features or strategies for finding compatible matches on mature singles dating sites?

Question

Anonymous · Answer

Do’s

Embrace specificity. If you’re looking for someone who wants to travel the world with you, say so. If you want to sit on the couch watching ESPN all day, say so. There are both kinds of people out there. Don’t say vague stuff like “I’m funny and I want someone to laugh with.” I’ve rarely read a funny bio.

Don’ts

No physical requirements whatsoever. Zero. Zilch. Nada. You’re already going to be exchanging photos, so don’t risk turning the other person off by stating you’ll only date people ten years younger and below (women do this too), slim, etc. (or tall, muscular). This screams superficial.

Anonymous · Answer

Spend a LOT of time with them before you get married. You want to spend several years with them. Seriously. Enough time needs to pass for the two of you to have experienced just about every type of situation life can throw at you. Happy times, sad times, death of a friend or family member. Conflicts. Everything.

I also agree with Samuel Gershman [ https://www.quora.com/profile/Samuel-Gershman ] when he said to meet their friends and family. I’d take the family side more seriously than you might initially think because it will directly affect the rest of your life. If their family is a shit show or hates you for no reason, that will set the pace for your future. If they don’t get along with your family, your holidays will be spent debating and traveling rather than enjoying the season.

If you get the chance, meet their exes too. Sounds crazy? It isn’t. My wife and I currently have get togethers where BOTH of our exes and their families attend. We share the holidays as a whole with all of the children involved. None of them question the bonds that tie because it is all just “family” to them. If your mate ended a previous relationship on such good terms that they could remain friends, you know you are with a descent, mature person.

When you look at the life you are leading with your partner and think “damn. Practically nothing would change if we got married at this point.” You know you are done vetting them.

Eileen M. Gormley · Answer

What do you consider “traditional” methods of dating?

Are you using a matchmaker? Are you allowing your family to pick your dates for you?

Are you going to dance clubs to meet women?

Are you putting ads in magazines?

Or are you hitting on women you meet at work or in the street?

Basically, if you are hitting on strange women, you are going to have a staggeringly high rejection rate. And the women you do meet that way will almost all be incompatible with you. After all, they are the sort of women who think it’s a good idea to date total strangers they met in the street.

The great advantage of dating sites is that everyone there is interested in dating. Okay, they might not be interested in dating YOU. but they are there because they are single and want to meet someone.

The other great advantage is that you can filter for what you want. I always filter for kinky, left leaning, atheist, intelligent, non-smoker. Otherwise you can spent a lot of time with someone before you realise they are actually a Trump voting, vaccine denying evangelical.

Yes, if you are very specific about your filters, you’ll have a smaller choice. But you’re more likely to find it a useful one.

Samuel Gershman · Answer

Meet their friends. Meet their family. I’d argue that meeting friends is more important, because they are the people we choose to surround ourselves with, their flaws are the flaws we put up with, appreciate, see as tolerable, the good parts of them are the things we want for ourselves and in the people we care about. Family is a genetic accident for good or bad, and while seeing one’s potential partner’s family gives insight into what helped shape our partners, knowing what their friends are like indicates what consequence their choices produce.

Another way to vet a person is to do something challenging together. Not just fun challenges like going for a super long hike or learning a new language or practicing an unfamiliar instrument, but stuff like an extremely long road trip, major home improvement projects, tackling real emotional hurdles together. Pick up one of those pre-marriage workbooks, they’re not all created equal but there are good ones out there with some deeply challenging but incredibly important questions to ask any long-term romantic partner. Figuring out honestly what your partner is like when they’re exhausted, having a terrible day, furious, depressed, heartbroken, and scared is tough but eye-opening, and can be something that either drives you apart or brings you closer together. It’s both a risk and an opportunity, just like vowing to spend your life with someone is, and it’s a risk/opportunity you should absolutely take before marriage.

Sean Kernan · Answer

Messaging Ask something specific about her profile. Translation: Show that you actually read her bio. Spellcheck. And no sexual innuendos, ever, ever, ever.

Pictures Limit selfies. Absolutely zero mirror selfies. No shirt off unless you are at the beach and even then, it is iffy. Show pictures with family. Don’t post a picture with a friend that is way more attractive than you.

Bio For heaven’s sake put some thought in to this. Girls care about what is on the inside too. This is your chance to shine.

And that doesn’t mean write the basic, “Looking for the other half to my heart. The one and only. The one who can treat me right.”

yawn

Show some signs of effort. Be creative.

I dug up my old dating bio:

“I am getting better at cooking, although I have shared a meal or two with the local fire department. Oops :/

I'm man enough to admit I get nervous on takeoff sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every time. I’m a big fan of dogs, golden retrievers especially, chihuahuas in dresses, not-especially.

I once got pulled onstage at Cirque du Soleil and had to dance with professionally trained ballerinas, and btw, if you are looking for a man with a knack for ballet, I'm not your guy.

Being an over-30 naturally blonde guy, I sometimes get looked at like I'm a unicorn. No, I'm not Swedish or some surfer dude, but I suppose I do resemble a Ken doll from the right angle.

Don't be afraid to say hi. Cool with just starting as friends."

Just keep it light and fun. No need to spill your soul in your bio.

Also, don’t be a dipshit, ok?

Good luck!

Eileen M. Gormley · Answer

You go to a Fetlife event.

I run the meet and greet for the spanko munch in Dublin. Come along and you’ll meet me, and other women like me.

Sally Taylor · Answer

Anyone who is slim build and not terribly fit/strong regardless of age/sex is advised to be sensible about where they meet people - choose a public space rather than a dimly lit Park or a out of the way pub up an alleyway, no matter how nice that pub looks in daytime, you do not want to invite trouble into your life as some people get drunk BEFORE they meet you for a “Date/social drink”.

Who & what people are looking for on dating sites varies enormously from people who want to run wild & free and find a partner who also likes Extreme Sports, to someone who might be older (or injured/born disabled) who’s looking for a more sedentary companion. Society is infested with people who practise deception so all are advied to do everything they can to establish the NATURE of whoever they meet. My advice is that you pay a lot of attention to how much the person you meet, drinks, and especially pay attention if they’re texting anyone else or taking more than one phone call during your Date. I once met up with someone who spent the entire time replying to texts, it wasn’t exactly an enjoyable “date” - years later I discovered that this individual or their supposedly Later Met partner had actually abused my home address by setting up a Life Insurance policy in their name claiming them to own/occupy MY home! (This was proven to me face to face by a member of Bank Staff to whom I shall be eternally grateful for proving to me that I wasn’t ‘going mad’, and I wasn’t wrong); What the person had been doing was sending feedback to a 3rd party that I was till in the pub, presumably the texts were going to the person I later found out had robbed her employer of £25,000 Takings before the two of them emigrated to the USA in presumably financed by the Fraud Proceeds of a Life Insurance Payout after they faked the death of one or other of them. (You’ve probably guessed that I stopped dating a long time ago!) Older people using dating sites can be more prone to this type of Fake Date scenario, and younger people might be more prone to being overcome by a drunkard who loses control of themself. I’d advise anyone to take a friend with them if they can who can sit/stand at a discreet distance on the first Date & help make sure nothing untoward happens.

Whatever you do - do NOT go to someone’s house (or to a party at their friend’s house) until you’ve met and chatted with someone several times. Make sure your phone is charged before you go out and has credit allowing you to make at least half a dozen calls. Tell your family members or close friendswhere you’re going out to and when you’ll be back. Websites will usually issue similar Good Practice advise to people regardless of their age/Dating aims.

Anonymous · Answer

I see only one HUGE DISADVANTAGE. Social media, especially dating sites and apps have an overwhelming number of scammers seeking victims.

Many, many persons using these sites have no idea what is happening online regarding scammers and romance scammers.

NOTE: A few years ago I spent 6 months researching this for myself. I tried free dating sites and some requiring paid subscriptions. I also had experience helping scam victims and I knew how to research prospective matches. I paid approximately $50 per month for subscriptions to sites where I could do research about a person.

Bottom line, it wasn't worth the time and effort because there are so many fake profiles being used by scammers.

Seek a traditional method for meeting people in person.

Scot Laughlin · Answer

Not at all. In my experience, it’s remarkably easy.

Years ago, before OK Cupid was purchased (by the conglomerate that owns most online dating sites) from the guys who wrote the original algorithms, my response ratio was about 50%, my response / date ratio was about 50%, and I ended up in bed with about half of those dates within a few more weeks. So for every ten emails I sent, two women took me to bed. Some of those relationships only lasted a few months, some lasted years.

That’s a far better success rate than most guys see, mainly for two reasons.

I read profiles completely, and only sent 3–5 1st messages a month, so I was being very picky about only approaching women who had profiles that were long and complete enough that I had a sense we’d get along.

My profile was long, and as honest as I could make it, with the idea of giving a good, complete sense of who I am, and only appealing to women I was likely to find interesting. I mentioned that I’m kinky and poly, and a gun owner, my passions and skills, some of my weaknesses. Long, because if she didn’t have the patience to spend ten minutes reading about me, we weren’t likely to be compatible.

Most important, I didn’t try to appeal to a lot of women, or spam dozens a week, and I didn’t include any shopping lists of necessary physical traits. I have preferences, and I did mention those.

That profile (with only a few edits) is still working, finding me partners, over a decade later . Only a couple every year or so, but I try to limit myself to two or three lovers at a time, so that works out well.

Erin Wood · Answer

TBH, I think the thing about online dating is totally based on luck. There are really some best and worst people. But, I do meet some really nice people on dating apps.

So, I was traveling in a town in Europe. Then, I started swiping the HOOKOO hookup app. I wasn't expecting anything, cuz the app does not have many users. Then, I saw him, with curly hair, and a big smile. Then, I just messaged him. It all happened so suddenly. He had me hooked out of nowhere. We flirted online for a while and finally decided to meet. He seemed shy, but I didn't mind because as an extreme extrovert, I like the spotlight on me. The date went well and we slept during the time I was there., We have the best time together, cooking, reading, and swimming. It was such a wonderful time. We still play games together till today.

Well, many people who are considering online dating would be interested in statistics on the success rate of online dating. In a study conducted by Statista, it was found that 17 percent of online daters ended a long-term relationship after meeting someone online. In addition, the survey found that almost one-third of respondents knew someone who had met their partner online. So, give it a try.

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Alice. It doesn’t matter if you are talking sites or apps, the PHOTOS are what get a man’s attention. Period. I don’t mean sexy photos. I mean attractive photos. You have to look your best: Good lighting, a flattering outfit, a bright color, smiling, your best angle, EVERYTHING! On the apps where men swipe, you have mere seconds to grab their attention. That picture has to be FANTASTIC. I recommend a professional photographer and having a professional hair and make-up artist for the shoot. You will get at least 4 great photos, then the other two on your profile can be selfies from your phone. Be sure at least one is a full body shot. None of you with your friends or your kids, or other men. Just you.

Once you have kick-ass photos, you need an exceptional profile. Not the boring shit everyone else writes. Be original. Don’t say you like yoga and travel. YAWN. What is unique about you? Tell him!

Don’t write about what kind of man you want. Just write about yourself. Use all the space like it is an advertisement for YOU.

No negativity! “No hookups!” “No men who ___” Please do not include “don’t” anywhere in your profile! A man does not want to partner with Debbie Downer! Do I really have to tell you not to mention any of your bad qualities? He has plenty of time to find out about the bad stuff later!

For more tips or personal coaching, please contact me via my website.

Ithan Mo · Answer

dating sites are not that just that terrible but they are scams too. very few profiles are real.

this has exposed thousands of people around the world to be ripped of millions of dollars even to kill themselves before going bankrupt .people should stop paying these site until they go down or they change their scam business model.

criminals use other ordinary people images and video downloaded from Facebook,Instagram ,Twitter and Youtube . most of these social medias do not have reverse image search for themselves or they do not pop up any result in google .criminals use all kinds of everyday photo to expose as a fake profile ,they can even fake video calls too by hiring hookers to be exposed as fake profile .

Pamela Harvey · Answer

Yes and no.

Yes, because you will be presented with a huge number of candidates in your area and your specified age range, and you can select a possible match with someone with whom you share common interests and a common sexual preference. Online dating sites can significantly widen your exposure.

No, because the results are no better than the people you meet on a daily basis. With online dating, you just meet more of them.

And no, because online you are seeing only a limited glimpse of what the person wants to show you. This leads to disappointment more often than not when the real person does not fit with their online image. Or, more precisely, does not fit with your online image of them, the impression you invented during the time between the “It’s A Match!” and your actual meeting.

I know, we all do it, to a greater or lesser extent. We want to see potential. It’s kind of American, actually, coming from our cultural roots as maverick players, against all odds, separating from the old world. Who knew?

You can deal with this by having reduced expectations. Simple, I know, but not always easy. You need to have an objective attitude about it - tell yourself you are just meeting people and try to turn down your thoughts about the outcomes. You might meet someone you like, or you might not. Doesn’t matter in the present.

But here’s how it works with real people: For example, there is a new staff member at your office*, or in your class in some course you are taking, or at the gym, and you note that they have a lot of “curb appeal” (like a house you may be shopping for). But later on, their voice, manner of speaking, body language, sense of humor, style of dress, etc., are not what you are looking for. So you don’t consider them dating material.

This is exactly what happens when you move from a 2D image and brief profile to actually meeting someone. Disappointment on some level is inevitable.

I know, there are so many exceptions and it’s hard not to keep trying.

I would recommend occasional breaks from online dating sites, because the frustration can dampen your enthusiasm and take over your thoughts and crowd out other things in your life that can bring enjoyment, fulfillment, things to look forward to.

*I am not advocating office romances or flirtations, just mentioning the office as a place where you meet a lot of people.

Anonymous · Answer

I will throw in Bumble as well to the mix. Tinder, Match, and Bumble are popular online dating platforms, each with its own unique features and user experience. Here are some differences between them:

1. User Base: Tinder has a larger user base, making it highly popular and widely recognized. Match also has a significant user base, while Bumble is growing rapidly.
2. Swipe Functionality: Tinder is known for its swipe feature, where users swipe right to indicate interest or left to pass on a profile. Match and Bumble also have swiping options, but they offer additional features like profile browsing and search filters.
3. Matching Algorithms: Tinder primarily uses a location-based algorithm that suggests potential matches based on proximity. Match uses a comprehensive matching algorithm that takes into account various factors like interests, preferences, and compatibility. Bumble also uses an algorithm to suggest matches but puts emphasis on women initiating conversations.
4. Focus and Target Audience: Tinder is often associated with casual dating and hookups, although people also find meaningful relationships on the platform. Match caters to a wide range of daters, including those seeking serious relationships. Bumble positions itself as a platform where women make the first move, offering a more empowering and inclusive experience.
5. Communication Features: Tinder allows messaging between matched users, while Match provides more extensive communication options like messaging, email, and video calls. Bumble, similar to Tinder, enables messaging after a mutual match, but there's a time limit for women to initiate conversations.
6. Paid Features: All three platforms offer free basic features, but they also have premium subscription options. Tinder Plus and Tinder Gold provide additional perks like unlimited swipes, passport feature, and more. Match offers various subscription tiers with advanced features like message read receipts and profile boosts. Bumble offers Bumble Boost for features like rematch and extending matches.
If you are male and rate yourself above 8/10, go ahead and try these based on your preference. If you are on the average side, you may get better results with other things such as hobby classes, traveling and camping. If you are a female, either should be good but know that Tinder is seen by many as an app for hookups, whereas Match and Bumble are perceived as something for relationships.

Amidst the digital dance of serendipity, dating apps whisper secrets of connections waiting to unfold, bridging hearts with the symphony of modern romance.

Lesley Graham · Answer

Yes my closest friends, met through an early version of a dating site, thats not all that popular these days..

They were both recovering from other relationships or situations that were unhealthy, they like most couples have been through their ups & downs, which have been significantly devastating, but they continue on, they bring out the best in each other, which can be hard at times..

I would suggest that it doesn't matter how you meet, as long as you continue to love, support & keep true to the relationship that has been built together, these are the only things that matter..

They've been together 12 years & married 6 years, I have them in my minds eye in another 20 years still having fun together..

Jae Alexis Lee · Answer

Ten years ago (okay, 9 years, 11 months, but who remembers exact dates any way? Oh yeah.... she does) I met my wife online. Before her, I dated online more extensively than I like to think about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using dating sites and looking to meet someone online.
 
Preface out of the way, here are some suggestions to making a meaningful connection online:
 
1) Spam is bad. Don't send spam when you're trying to meet a girl.
 
That sounds easy right? It starts that way, but we'll come back to why this is important in a little bit.
 
2) Only contact women you are genuinely interested in. Seriously. If you see things in their profile that make you hesitate (e.g. she says "Jesus is the most important thing in my life" and you're a staunch athiest) don't react by saying "I'm going to roll the dice anyway." Move on. This one is not for you.
 
3) Don't be anyone other than yourself. See #2. If you're a staunch athiest and Christ is her personal savior, don't try to pass yourself off as spiritual in a way that you aren't. You want a real connection, starting off with lies won't help you.
 
4) Don't get discouraged. In the world of online dating, men out number women, and you're going to find that your messages don't generate responses, or polite declines (or not so polite declines) more often than you get a favorable response. That's okay. That doesn't make you a terrible or unworthy person. It just means you need to keep looking.
 
5) When #4 happens, remember #1 and DON'T BECOME A SPAMMER. Women on dating sites are bombarded with shallow, meaningless spam. "Hey, you're cute, I read your profile, check me out, we should chat." And that's the polite version. Don't do that. Instead...
 
6) When you write to a woman, say something meaningful that reflects that you have read their profile and want to connect to them as a PERSON, not an OBJECT. This is not the time to talk about any physical feature that you can see in her photos, it's a time to talk about her favorite book if you share an interest... or hobby, or SOMETHING that ISN't PHYSICAL. Doing this will take time and thought.... the more you deal with #4, the easier it is to fail at #1. It's hard to keep putting yourself out there. You start to feel like maybe if you spend less time on each prospective partner, sheer volume will make up for your bad luck. It won't. Down that road is the darkside, don't go there.
 
7) Last thing: Don't rush. Take your time. Get to know eachother online, then let things transition offline. Don't start off by saying "when can we meet." You're looking for a relationship that will last. Spending a few weeks emailing and chatting will pay off in the long run. You're looking for a partner, not a hookup. If she thinks you're looking for the latter, you will never get the former.
 
Is that a perfect guide to finding the one you're looking for? Probably not. But it should get you moving in the right direction. Good luck.

Alan Carlson · Answer

Absolutely!

I’ve had a lot of relationships since I started dating in 1964. Some good. Some awful. Some “What was her name again?” But two stand out as stellar—all the right kinds of physical, intellectual, and emotional connections. And one came about through an online dating site.

So, they’re not the only way to find a great relationship, but they are one totally valid way.

Caveat: You need to use the site or sites intelligently. They’re not magic. Spend some time Googling “How to get the most out of an online dating site%3E”

Good luck.

Yuna · Answer

I think the easiest way is to ask questions. It's harmless and fun. Also, you can say something interesting to get their attentions.

“Which do you prefer, hiking or cycling?”

The strategy here, however, is not to break the ice by making her laugh. If she lists activities that she likes (and therefore is a question of hiking or biking), ask her what she likes best. When you find out, you can design a compelling date idea based on her answer.

“If you are a fruit, you will be a fine apple. correction. An organic thin apple.”

Now, you really need to measure a woman's sense of humor before you take the cheesy pick-up line. This is one of the many reasons I encourage men to read a woman's complete profile before sending her a text message. Her profile is basically a guide to what types of things you should mention in your opening lines and follow-up information. In addition, she lists interests that you should use to plan a first date with her.

OkFun App · Answer

If you're not getting matches, try using popular apps like OkFun, Feeld, Tinder, or Bumble for better results. Ensure your profile is complete with high-quality, clear photos that showcase your personality. Write a captivating bio that highlights your interests and what you're looking for.

Be proactive by sending personalized messages and engaging actively. Adjust your match preferences to broaden your options, and don\u2019t hesitate to experiment with different apps to find the one that suits you best.

Angelina Patel · Answer

My dad (59) recently asked me what toxic shock syndrome is because of something he read online. As I explained that one of the ways women increase the threat of getting it was leaving their tampons in too long, my dad said “well that makes no sense.

Best free dating sites list - https://www.quora.com/profile/Angelina-Patel-4

Are they just holding their pee all day?”. I was shocked that he had no idea that women can pee while wearing a tampon. Married man with 2 daughters raised with 3 sisters. But realistically, at what point are we expecting men to start inquiring about these things? And is “respect for women” really expected to be a driving force for such probing inquiries? Where should it start? With their moms? Their sisters? Their wives? Their daughters? Idk.

I mean, my dad bought my period products when I was a kid (tween), as did my mom, and if nothing else there are instructions on the box, though I can't imagine him not knowing until then. My boyfriend knows all about the UTI struggles I dealt with a while ago, and he's been the one reminding me to pee after sex for a year. Like, I feel like if you're involved in your loved ones' lives, this kind of thing just naturally comes up and you learn it along the way.