When someone asks me where I’m from, I say, “I’m from Seattle, Washington.”

They say, “Okay, cool, but where are you really from?”

So I say, “All right, you caught me. I’m actually from Redmond - it’s a little town in the greater Seattle area.”

They give me an exasperated look, like they think I’m deliberately being obtuse. “You know what I mean. Where are you from originally?”

At this point, I usually cave and reveal that my parents were born in Beijing.

And then the person I’m talking to will finally look relieved and nod to themselves, as though everything makes sense now. Sometimes they’ll say something like, “Ah, I was right!” or “Dang, your eyes kind of look Korean. Chinese would have been my second guess, though.”

I’ve had these interactions all across the United States, where I’ve lived my entire life.

People asked me this question in Seattle, the only city I’ve really called home.

People asked me this question in New Orleans, where I worked for a local government agency.

People asked me this question in Washington D.C., where I was invited to shake hands with President Obama.

The question “Where are you from originally?” makes it clear that no matter what I do, I’m still not regarded as a real American. The closest I can get is with a hyphen, as an “Asian-American” or a “Chinese-American.”

If you’re white and you don’t have an accent, you can move to America and never hear this question once. But if you look like me, it’s a question that will follow you around for a lifetime.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know if it counts as a racist question. There are so many more harmful forms of racism out there that it seems like an exaggeration to stick this into the same category.

But when a question like “Where are you from originally?” is asked solely based on someone’s race, it sure isn’t a very useful one.

There are so many more interesting options, like “What’s your favorite superpower?” or, “If you were a sound, what would you be?” or, “Would you rather have every song you ever hear slowly turn into ‘All Star’ by Smashmouth, or have every movie you ever watch slowly turn into Shrek?”

Next time someone tells you she’s from Seattle, try following up with one of those instead.

I think it is okay to ask that question, as long as you are okay with it coming back to you (this world is round after all).

Anyway decide for yourself. I’ll give you two instances.

Fyi I’m an Indian girl in America. Very obvious brown skin.

Here’s a coffee bar conversation from my workplace between Kristy (a sweet white girl) and me:

Kristy- “So you are the new girl! Nice to meet you (we shake hands). Where are you from?

Me- “Very nice to meet you too. From Texas.”

Kristy- “Oh, I mean where are you originally from?

Me- “From India. What about you?”

Kristy- “Connecticut.”

Me- “No, I mean, where are you originally from?”

Kristy- “Italy! Oh, my grandparents came to America from Italy.”

The conversation got into more interesting topics, and to this day we are very good friends :)

Here’s a nasty one-

At the break room, a conversation between me and Jennifer (a mean white girl).

Jennifer - “How do you like Atlanta? Btw where are you from?”

Me- “Texas. Atlanta is nice. I like it. What about you? Where are you from?”

Jennifer- “I’m from Savannah, Georgia. Where are you originally from?”

Me- “India. And you? Where are you originally from?”

Jennifer - “I told you Savannah. Anyway you don’t look Indian, but your accent gives it away!”

Me- “Haha, you don’t look Indian either.”

Jennifer- “Well I am not.”

Me- “Didn’t you say you were from Savannah originally?”

Jennifer- “Well yes, but it’s not like I’m a native Indian.”

Me- “hmm? okayy” I pause. Not really wanting to get into an argument the very first week, and kind of waiting for her explanation.

I could see she understood.

Jennifer- “Well, my grandparents came from Greece.”

Me- “Lovely. I have heard Greece is beautiful.”

Jennifer- “Yeah. Anyway, so when you guys are courting do you run around trees and dance and sing like they show in the movies?”

Me- “Yup. The same way the aliens seem to invade America.”

She turned and walked away. Possibly to get some ice for that burn.

PS- When I repeat the question ‘Where are you originally from’, I don’t mean it in the way to ‘give you a taste of your own medicine.’ I really am curious, and since I got an opening with the same question, it only felt right to ask.

I should note, I am answering as a minority with no accent. In my case, I think the question is always racist as it indicates that the questioner is using racial cues to assume I am from somewhere else.

I, personally, hate this question. It offends me. And here's why:

For one thing, in almost every case I get asked this question as a follow-up question, after the person has simply asked the entirely innocuous, "Where are you from?" The answer is New York. Anyone who defines being 'from' somewhere as being born and raised somewhere tends to accept this and move on. This answer tells you most of what you need to know about me. Anyone who doesn't accept this, and clarifies, "No, where are you from originally" is doing so entirely because they are using my race to otherize me. New York is not an acceptable response to quench their curiosity about what makes me different. It is racist, because I am not different. I listened to the same terrible music as everyone else when I was ten, I watched the same reruns, I read the same news, I watched the same movies, I had the same college experience.

I have been to the countries that would have fit your conception of the 'right' answer to your question, and I do not fit in there. I just almost fit in here, where I grew up and got all my cultural cues and soaked up the values that make me not fit in there. And why should I? I was born and raised American, and being asked 'Where are you from originally,' particularly when I am standing next to a white person I know for a fact is a Ukrainian immigrant who gets your 'belonging' stamp of approval without having to prove it under questioning is hurtful. You may think you are not stereotyping me, but you are already stereotyping me as not American just by asking, and that is going to become an increasingly false stereotype as second generation immigrants like myself have kids and grandkids.

Years of having to prove my belonging where others don't have to is extremely alienating and isolating. It has made me feel like I don't belong and will never be accepted anywhere. Over time, I have had to face this hurtful question less and less. People who ask where I am from are content with 'New York.' Every once in awhile I get my race, which I almost never actively think about, suddenly brought to the forefront of my attention in a jarring way, and it is usually with this question. It always hurts to be made so completely aware that someone is using something that I personally know they can get no accurate information about me from to take their cues about me.

If you really want to know, ask about my background or my parents or my extended family. Don't ask about me. I already answered. I'm from New York.

Edited to Address Another Persistent Theme:

I also think a lot of people don't realize that asking about a person's origin is actually very personal information. Certainly, as with any personal information, some people are perfectly willing to discuss it openly, but other people don't and mere curiosity does not entitle another to that information. Think of sexual orientation, for example. It is perfectly normal to be curious about such things, and I think a lot of people conflate the innocence of these intentions with the right to ask without the other person feeling offended, or perhaps use experiences in which the question was met with an open and interesting response to generalize to the attitudes and situations of other people they may be curious about.

In my case, asking about where I went to school or where I grew up or what I think about certain issues will give you a lot of information that would allow you to get to know me. Asking me to define why I am not white would require an answer that involves factors very indirect to who I am, and has to do with the migrations of people in earlier generations. It is perfectly reasonable that I do not like to have those arcane facts so far removed from my own existence make up such a large percentage of the facts you know about me. The fact is, I think a lot of people who report being persistently unoffended by these types of questions actually have an answer that is an important part of his or her identity, and I am here to represent the other side. Like sexual orientation, these facts about my extended ethnic background are things my friends and people who are close to me tend to find out in the course of normal conversation, but these are people who necessarily already know much more important information about me. That hierarchy of information is important to my identity and I prefer for other people to respect that.

I am an African of European decent. I was born in Zambia and am fifth generation African. I suppose I am what is sometimes called an Anglo-African.

Passing through the US immigration one day I handed my Zambian passport to the officer. He took it, looked at it, looked at me then looked hard at the passport again and then, clearly confused, asked me, "are your parents missionaries"?

Quite obviously he could not comprehend that white people have been living in Africa for generations.

I answered, "no". I did not see what my origins have to do with my status as a visitor to the US and felt this was rude on his part, so wasn't going to make it easy for him.

He paused then said it; "how can you be from Zambia if you are European"?

"I'm not European, I'm African", I answered.

He looked annoyed, like I was being a smart-Alec. "You're white. How can you be from Africa if you are white?" he said.

"Well, let me put it this way", I said; "Are you an American Indian?"

He stamped my passport and, handed it to me and called out "next"!

As I was walking up to the luggage carousel a black American man walked up next to me. "I was behind you back there" he said. Then, "Man, it's tough being n----- ain't it"?

I laughed till I was hurting.
__________________________________________________________________

EDIT: For the "purists" who keep saying I am not answering the question; I do not have to give a direct answer to a question ever and neither does anyone else ever. Sometimes a story says much more than a direct answer.
What I have written here says, "I do not believe it is a question that should be asked by anyone in any position of authority in their official capacity and furthermore I don't believe that it is legal or ethical to do so!!

I had a conversation with a woman the other day which came to mind when I read this.

I got talking to her in the street after my dog barked at her. The woman was mixed race. I'm not sure how it became part of the conversation but she called herself colored. I don't like black. Your top is black, I'm not.

So, I found myself trying to say colored too. It didn't feel right. So I said….black. Sorry. I DO say black. My skin isn't the color of your top but I call myself white. (She was wearing a white top and I, black) Now please understand, in no way was this exchange unpleasant or uncomfortable. I know this woman's daughter so we talked about how she didn't look mixed race at all. Then, the possibility of her having a very dark baby. Me Yes, my kids are one eighth black. So I told my daughter that she must tell her future husband that. Just in case she has a black baby and he thinks he's not the father.

Then I asked her where in the world her color came from. She didn't quite understand what I was asking. Just cloloured.

Eventually, it transpires that her grandad was Carribbean.

At the end we had even exchanged names! We bid each other good day and went on our way.

My friend, who was walking with me said that I shouldn't ask so many questions, especially about her skin color!

Why not? Is it the elephant in the room? Am I meant to pretend I didn't notice her skin color?

People ask me all the time Have you been on holiday? Your tan is lovely. I tell them, no, I'm Greek. Nobody thinks it's rude to ask me. If I said, no, I'm African. Would they apologise?

I'm interested in people. I'm not about to ignore things that make people individual. If that makes people uncomfortable then I don't believe it's my failing. Whatever our race or ancestry, shouldn't be a taboo subject.

I get asked that question all the time. I think most people respond more to my accent rather than my race. I think most people are curious about this and don't mean any harm.

The questions that really bother me and feel almost boderline racist are this:

Q: Where are you from?
A: The United States.
Q: No, I mean where are your parents from?
A: (looking perplexed) The United States?
Q: (sounding disapointed) Oh really? I mean where is your family really from?
A: (annoyed) The United States.

Edit 6/12/14:

To add to my answer for those who have misunderstood:

Over the past 20 years I've lived and worked in 4 different countries. In my experience there is an expectation / assumption that being American = being White; and by extension that I cannot possibly be an American because I'm not white. It's that assumption that I find to be racist.

From that point I'm asked, where I'm from originally - whereas my white American friends & colleagues are not. They are taken at face value to be American.

It's annoying that I cannot be 'just American' and people who I don't know feel the need to dig deeper into my ancestry / ethnicity. What I am is really no one's business. Get to know me first and then I may open up.

This is my experience and I stand by my original answer. YMMV.

Edit June 30, 2015

I got asked this question today!

Doc: Where are you from?
Me: The United States
Doc: Where is your family from?
Me: The United States
Doc: Where are they originally from?
Me: All my family is from the United States.
Doc: You mean from generations and generations back?
Me: Yup

Then it got awkward. As he was a medical professional trying to diagnose a condition I think I was less offended than if it were the average Joe on the street.

EDIT: SEPT 10, 2017

See: Atlantic Article: Is It Racist to Ask People Where They're From?

"One of the most common submissions to The Race Card Project is some formulation of, 'So, where are you really from?'" Norris said. "To a lot of people that hits their ear the wrong way. It feels like someone is trying to point out their otherness: 'You're quite obviously not American, so where are you from?'"

Photos from The Atlantic: Is It Racist to Ask People Where They're From?

I don’t think so.

I have an accent.

I was obviously not born where I live.

People will get curious.

Some of them will ask.

I’m happy to tell them.

There are things I’m reserved about.

This is not one of them.

I do find it amusing when people who obviously want to ask me where I’m from go through contortions and beat around the bush, out of a sense of wanting to avoid being rude. I know I could help them by volunteering the answer, but the imp in me sometimes can’t help giving them laconic answers to see how many times they’ll try to ask me where I’m from without saying “where are you from?”

For people who were born here, though, I’ve seen quite a few of them find the notion that they’re from elsewhere offensive, which is understandable.

Whilst living in London, UK, a senior partner of a law firm asked me, "Where in the Far East are you from?" To which I answered, "Canada". (Which technically is true, if you travelled very, very east of the UK, you'd reach Canada).

Recently, on a return visit to London (I'm back in Canada now), a newspaper editor asked me, "Where were you from before Canada?" To which I responded, "My mother's womb." After some moments and a prolonged, perplexed look, he asked, "Where are your parents from?" I paused, not overly pleased with the question, but I let him off the hook and answered, "Southern China, Hong Kong."

I was born and raised in Toronto by parents who immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong in the 60s. I emigrated to the UK and lived there for 12 years. I returned to Canada, with my Londoner husband in tow. Whilst in the UK, people often presumed I was from China or Hong Kong, some commenting about how good my english was. When I spoke, my Canadian accent hints that I'm from North America (some people asked me where in the US I was from. I actually experienced someone insisting that I was American because she had visited the US and my accent sounded just like the accents she heard in the US). But many people, upon seeing a Chinese face, presumed I was from somewhere in Asia.

It is the implied presumption that I am “other” that irks me. The lawyer presumed I was from the Far East. The newspaper editor presumed I wasn't from Canada and then went on to presume my parents were not from Canada (so they weren't born in Canada, but why presume that?)

If the question was rephrased differently and asked in the context of someone genuinely interested in getting to know me, what my story is, and what my journey has been, it wouldn't bother me.

If I was amongst a diverse group of people from all corners of the earth and someone asked me where I was from, I might be more inclined to provide an immediate and straight answer. I wouldn't feel as though they were making a presumption.

The question isn't racist per se. But depending upon the context in which it is asked and the presumption behind it, it can be irksome.

EDIT: And recent Twitter threads on this subject.

In my 20's I spent about 9 months in Sydney, Australia. I had a housemate that was Scottish. From Glasgow. And black.

She worked in a bar near our house (just off Oxford Street if you know Sydney, so pretty central and cosmopolitan).

People (Ok men. Australian men.) would come into the bar and ask her where she was from. I witnessed this three times. Conversation:

Aussie man: "So where are you from?"
Scottish housemate: "Scotland"
Aussie man: "Come on! Where are you from?"
Scottish housemate: "Scotland"
Aussie man: "But where were you born?"
Scottish housemate: "Glasgow"

What happened next amazed me. One guy said:

"There are Negroes in Scotland? "

One guy said:

"So your parents must be the only Negroes in Scotland?"

One guy said:

"Are you lying to me because I look like I work for immigration?"

As a young white man I'd never seen racism close up before and it was.... baffling. This was a smart bar and all three of these guys were sober, well dressed....

Saying this, I don't think it's at all racist to ask someone where they're from. Provided you don't show yourself up for a racist idiot when they tell you!

I became less of an ass when I stopped trying to not be racist.

When I moved to Maui in the early 1980's, I was gobsmacked by the way local people would ask, "so where you from?" They would share their ancestry openly with no energy behind the question. "My mom is Samoan and Japanese, and my dad is mostly Portagee," they'd say as a prompt.

I didn't mind telling them "Half German, one quarter English and the rest Spanish-Filipino." And I didn't mind when they would wonder out loud about my blue eyes or try to figure out if they could see my grandmother in the shape of my lids. I would tell them about how my father grew up on adobo and "enchaladees" and pancit.

I was waiting tables in a sports bar in Kihei. One day I overheard another waitress ask a black customer where he was from. He told her Texas, and she said, "but where in Africa? Angola? Kenya? Where?" I was horrified.

In the back of the restaurant I told her all the ways I thought this could go wrong, and she looked at me with pity. She was a small person with elegant hands and an easy smile. "It's OK," she said, "he knows he's black." That night when we closed down, she and the man were still talking at the bar about the American South and the Yoruba Nation and the 100th Infantry Battalion.

I had been taught to pretend that I didn't see skin color, to ignore the evidence of my eyes just as I would deny my nose in polite company if someone farted. I began to see the arrogant racism that underlay this overstepping, the assumption that everyone would want to be white and we shouldn't embarrass them for failing.

Political correctness and "sensitivity" invest undeserved importance in skin color or hair texture or feature shape. Culture, on the other hand, can spin our lives in one direction or another.

I'm sensitive to good people like David Zhou's concerns about racially coded messages, so I rarely ask until I know someone well but I am often curious about how (or if) our grandparents (or great great grandparents) experiences and culture have colored our lives.

Ancestry is interesting, but not in a predictive sort of way.

I'm a white Deaf woman, and in Deaf culture, when we meet another Deaf person for the first time, the first question (after telling each other our names) is nearly always "Where are you from?"

Connections are all-important in Deaf culture.

The intent behind "Where are you from?" is to establish kinship. If I say that I grew up in Maryland, the Deaf person will then ask me if I attended Maryland School for the Deaf or Model Secondary School for the Deaf (in DC). I will then say yes, I went to Maryland School for the Deaf for three years and graduated from Model Secondary School for the Deaf. After establishing state and school ties, we then figure out what mutual Deaf friends we have, and whether we have Deaf relatives in our family, and so on.

I would imagine that for Deaf people of color, they might establish kinship somewhat differently, or that the question might be worded differently.

No, but what you do NEXT, based on the response is what actually counts.

You can ask a person “Where are you from originally?”. When you ask this question, the other person will respond either with “I am ethnically Maori” or “I am from New York City”.

If the person answers it the second way, it means they are NOT interested in talking about their ethnic heritage. Now what do you do? Do you respect their indication to not move the conversation there and change the topic? Or do you repeat the question again, demanding they reveal their blood-ancestry to you?

Asking the question itself is not wrong. We need to have an open and engaging society. However, pestering someone or demanding they answer the question even if they don’t want to is definitely rude. It is like asking someone out for a date. Asking is not wrong. But repeatedly pestering someone even after their expression of disinterest is rude.

Depends on what they mean. In my case, exchanges typically go like this:
Them: Are you from Michigan?
Me: No, I moved here 2 years ago from Chicago.
Them: So you're from Chicago?
Me: Well, I went there for college.
Them: Where are you from originally?
Me: St. Louis.
Them: Oh.

Although on rare occasions conversations go more like this:
Them: What are you?
Me: I'm a computer scientist.
Them: No, I mean, what race are you?
Me: I'm biracial, Asian and European.
Them: Where are you from originally?
Me: St. Louis.
Them: No, I mean originally, before you came to the US
Me: I was born in the US
Then they spontaneously combust because they can't comprehend my existence.

The offensiveness of the "Where are you from originally" in the second scenario was the assumption that I wasn't born in the US simply because of my race.

I currently attend UC Berkeley and this question is as common as "What major are you?"

I don't find the question insulting, probably because I ask it all the time. People who attend Cal are quite often international students with diverse, colorful and fascinating ethnic backgrounds.

I also enjoy asking because I don't know what I will hear. I don't think it's a racist question because I am Korean and was born in Argentina. When people ask me, I am happy that they wonder instead of assume. It is awkward when people walk up to you and speak in Korean or Chinese when you are fluent in Spanish.

In my experience it is quite common to find people who don't match their outward exterior, but there is a time and place to ask questions like these. In a very diverse environment (like college) or if the individual presents markers themselves. I have a tiny accent and I don't typically act as a stereotypical Korean immigrant or Korean-American. I have spent a long time shaping my identity to be openly expressive and openly affectionate (like Latin American people often are, if not always).

Stereotypes help categorize random people, but stereotypes don't define any one person. I only frown upon negative/embarrassing stereotypes.

Editing for clarity:

Possibly. If you disbelieve that a person might "originally" be from a place that you think their ethnicity makes them incongruous, you're probably asking with problematic assumptions. You've already stereotyped the person you're asking.

____________________

"Where are you from originally?" would be a refreshing change from the way the dialogue often goes.

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from L.A."

"No, I mean where were you born?"

"In LA."

"NO, I mean where are you REALLY from?" (implication that I'm lying?)

"I think you want to know what my family background is from..." (When I'm feeling sufficiently irritated, I note that my grandmother was born in Stockton.)

I ask "So what's your heritage?" or "What's your background?" if I'm curious.

For the people discussing this who don't think it's potentially racist...do you ask black people in the U.S. this question? And if they say, "Georgia", do you then stop to say, "No, where are you *really* from?"

Didn't think so.

No

I get asked this question all the time, particularly by Europeans in the US. I think my vowels sound slightly different than most Americans. I know this isn't meant to stereotype me, but to learn a bit more about me. I believe that this is almost always the case: it's simply asked to learn about the person's cultural and ethnic background and a brief biographical sketch. It's asked when you don't know anything about the person and would like to further a conversation.

For instance, there was a hotelier when I was in NYC last month whose accent I couldn't place. I asked "where are you from?" because she clearly was not from NYC. She was from Albania. I've been to Albania a couple times, including once to her home town (Shkoder) and once to her favorite vacation spot (Oxhrid) . We talked for 5 minutes about it pleasantly and I don't think she was offended (she seemed to happy to know that I had a positive opinion about Albania).

But ethnicity and culture are deeply personal elements of a person's identity and the person may want privacy. It's generally best that a question like this not be the second question out of your mouth after "what's your name?" otherwise you've turned your conversation into an interrogation.

If you want to ask the question, you should learn alternate phrasings that are less presumptive and prying. "Have you always lived here?" is a pretty safe alternative because it doesn't make any presumptions about the person and it doesn't specify where "here" is (Manhattan, NYC, NY, east coast, or the US). You can ask follow up questions based upon their answers and if they don't give back anything, then don't pry. For instance, if the person has said "I'm from New Jersey." don't ask "where are your parents from?" Perhaps ask "where in NJ?" or "what brought you to NYC?"

A lot of times, people don't have much follow up to an answer and make terrible and awkward jokes that are offensive even if they weren't intended to be that way.

As a white person in Africa, I get this a lot. It's pretty much always a matter of curiosity. Sometimes it leads to some pretty funny exchanges, such as:

Kenyan man: Where are you from?
Me: America
Kenyan man: Ahh, very good, where in America?
Me: Chicago
Kenyan man: Oh! Obama's place! You know him?
Me: Well, you said you're from Nairobi. Do you know Kibaki (Kenya's president)
Kenyan man: (Disappointed) Oh.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tanzanian man: Where are you from?
Me: America
Tanzanian man: Oh, where in America?
Me: Chicago
Tanzanian man: Oh? Rahm Emmanuel?
Me: Umm, well yes. I mean, I've lived here since he became the mayor.
Tanzanian man: I see
Me: Anyway, my name is Daniel
Tanzanian man: Oh, hi. I'm Emmanuel.

I don't think it is racist.

I think the better word might be curious. Racism, to my way of thinking, is when someone hates you because of the color of your skin or ethnicity, for no good reason. This is hardly the case, here.

By my avatar, you can see I am Asian. By my name, you can see I am Japanese (assuming you have 'some' familiarity with Japanese names). By my awesome command of the English language [1], you could 'guess' I was 'probably' born in the US, but it is impossible to tell for sure, based upon what you know about me (assuming you know nothing), if I was born in Japan.

So curiosity might lead you ask, "Where are you from?".

"I'm from Hawaii."

You think to yourself a bit, "Maybe he mistakenly thought I meant, 'Where were you raised?' (i.e. doesn't answer the self-asked question, "Was this guy born in Japan?")."

So then you ask, "No, no, no. Where are you "originally" from?"

I answer, "I'm from Hawaii."

You silently think, "Ah, not from Japan -- Japanese-American." directly followed by "Was he offended by the "originally" part and did I just commit a cultural faux pas?"

The answer is "no" on both counts.

I realize what the intent was and understand it perfectly. I think others do too.

Hope this answers your question.

[1] denotes tongue-in-cheek tone

No, it's not racist so long as the following are all true:
1) you ask this question equally of people who speak with no accent from every race
2) you have a reason to ask this question besides curiosity and "to avoid assumptions"
3) you have a good follow-up to their answer that's not stereotypical

With regard to 1: people pose this question to people with accents because the accent shows that they're not from the area. So the thinking is: hey, you have a British accent; you were probably raised in Britain. Likewise, inherent in asking a nonwhite person with no accent this question is the thinking: hey, you are nonwhite, you were probably raised somewhere else. It's not racist in the "i hate you because you're not white" sense but you are treating that person like an outsider because they're from a different race. And I consider that racism. So if you're going to ask the question, ask if of EVERYBODY equally - that is to say, add white people without accents to your list of answerers. You must have a good reason to ask it of minorities so it should be equally important to you to ask it of white people, right?

2. "Curiosity" is not a good enough reason to ask a question. There are thousands of questions we would be curious about that we don't ask because they are considered rude, including "Are you pregnant?" "Are you deformed?" and "Are your breasts real?" Curiosity, even with good intention, is not good enough reason to do something.

Likewise, "not wanting to make assumptions" is also inadequate as a reason. Yes, it's offensive when people squint their eyes and say "konnichiwa" to me but it's equally as offensive when people squint their eyes and say "ni hao" to me. If you have a non-racist reason to ask besides curiosity and besides "not wanting to make assumptions" I would seriously be interested in knowing that reason.

3. I get asked "where are you from" ALL THE TIME. More often than I get asked my name. My answer: I'm Chinese. Their response: "You don't look Chinese."
Sometimes the conversation continues with follow-up like "Do you know [this Chinese person]?" (because there are SO FEW chinese people in the world") or "Ooh I've been to China before" (now you're assuming I've been to China, probably assuming I grew up in China, again making me feel like an outsider). I guess the real problem is that people who look like me get asked this question hundreds of times in their lifetimes and the conversations are ALWAYS awkward so this question always makes me want to leave the conversation ASAP. I don't think I'll convince anyone to stop asking this question, but I think you should know that if someone is nonwhite, this person probably gets asked this question a lot, that not all nonwhite people like being asked this question and that it's generally not a great conversation starter, unless that person is from a different country. If you're actually a foreigner to the U.S. then you might enjoy talking about your home country. If you're native to the U.S., you might find it weird being asked to talk about a country that someone believes is your home country when in actuality it's not.

I've tried telling people I'm black but the people who ask this question don't think that is funny.

Thank you for the A2A, Riddhiban.

Well, there are two ways of looking at this. One is definitely the way that is implied in the details section of the question itself…the stereotyping. There’s no escaping that. Willingly or unwillingly, when people know where you are ‘originally from’, they will subconsciously put you in a predetermined slot. Remember this video?

LOL :D Never gets old!

Yeah, so this is essentially what happens when it’s on a bigger scale…like when the ethnicity is sought.

This also applies within a country. For instance, in India, if a person from (say) Punjab were to ask another person where he is from and if he says he’s from (say) Kerala, the Punjabi will immediately have a mental image of coconut trees and Shahrukh Khan dancing among elephants in ‘Dil Se’…

And the Malayali will think that the Punjabi guy and his folks break into a bhangra performance at the drop of a hat and look like this 24x7…

And reality is something totally different.

So at this level, there’s no escaping the stereotyping. Is it racism? That depends on the person and his line of thought. If he/she is attuned to discriminate against people of a certain kind, then they will automatically do so almost immediately after you tell them where you’re from. And there are others who don’t even think that way. So it can’t be stated as a rule of thumb that if somebody asks you where you’re from, it amounts to racism. It will amount to racism only if their attitude towards you as a person changes for the worse after you tell them your origin.

Many people have told me that I don’t look or speak like a ‘typical Malayali’. Now that is borderline racism. One guy had the gall to ask me if I’m really sure about the ethnic origins of my parents! I look too much like a Bengali/Marathi it seems. It wasn’t very flattering >:(

What does a ‘typical Malayali’ mean in the first place? There is nothing like that. We are as diverse in appearance as anyone in any other part of India.

If these are Malayalis…

…then these are also Malayalis…

So it’s pointless trying to find ‘typical’ characteristics in people and then asking them stupid questions like ‘Are you sure your Dad’s a Malayali too?’

But when you go down to a smaller circle, the equation is totally different. For instance, if a Malayali asks a fellow Malayali “where are you originally from?”, he is trying to get closer with you. It’s mostly a search for something in common to establish a camaraderie. Maybe they have relatives in the other person’s town/village. Or they might even end up being related to each other! Happens all the time! ^_^ There were only two other girls from my community in my class at University and as we got talking, we discovered that one of them was related to me from my mom’s side, and the other from my dad’s side :P LOL When it’s people from closer social circles, the number of links will be greater. Asking “where are you from originally” is just a way to find out the common links. Any racism there? Nope. None at all!

I get asked that a lot as a gringo living in Mexico. I don't consider it racist.

I have sometimes asked other people that question without any racist intent.

Often the place a person comes from can be an interesting part of their identity and a point of conversational connection. And of course it can be a completely incorrect way to know them as an individual.

I have been judged incorrectly based on my color, gender, and national origin. I try not to do that to other people.

For some people where they come from "originally" is a source of pride. Among people in the US many like to say I am Irish, or African, when they are not, but they feel some sense of pride in their heritage or their "race". Personally I prefer if people take pride in themselves as individual, but it is nice for people to enjoy their place in the melting pot as well I guess.

I guess I could address the underlying issues which are likely the "real" question.
When people's heritage background and apparent race don't match with the stereotype of what the majority of people in a place, then the question comes up.
Certainly if a persons appearance doesn't match, it could get annoying to get this question a lot. For example a 4th generation person of Asian looking heritage might want to not be bugged about an identity assignment which has very little to do with how they see their personal culture. And someone who is black (sorry, African-American), might be bugged if you press them about where in Africa they came from since a lot of that info was lost, and they are not actually African anyway.
Q: Where are you from?
A: "From Seattle."
Q: "No, Where are you really from?" (What they mean is: "Where do your ancestors come from, because you don't look like the norm here?")

Pressing anyone on their identity is actually kinda annoying regarding almost any demographic assignments.

"Where am I from? I am from here..."... And the person doesn't wish to be treated or viewed differently just because their grandparents or more recent immigrants and look different than standard.

My best advice would be that everybody just not give a fuck about any such stuff. .

When a person has an accent and seems to be more "fresh off the boat" it seems a more reasonable question.
In my case, as a whitey gringo, I take no offense. When I am asked, I tell them where I am from and we have a chit chatty conversation about if they have traveled there or places in the same country, or about how nice various places are. Though it may not be the most interested conversation, it is better than talking about the weather.

Might be a fun answer: "I am originally from my mother, with some help from my father."

The world is increasingly mixed. If you can, make sure to reproduce with people different than you to actively blur the lines and make bigotry and racism more difficult to practice.
Do your part to support Miscegenation... if you can remember the word.

If you were in Mexico, you might innocently ask this guy where he is originally from:

I didn't ask when he visited me, but the question seems reasonable given that he doesn't look very stereotypically "Mexican". He does get asked by other Mexicans where he is from and some will try to speak to him in English, which he doesn't speak. But Mexicans vary as widely as Gringos (almost) and he is quite Mexican. I assume his ancestors arrived in some other wave than the early Spaniards.
One thing I do love about Mexico is that in general people are not into Political Correctness and tend not to get offended by small stuff.
I could give some examples of how open use of racially related terms would not be offensive here, but I think I will skip it since I don't really enjoy people who like to get offended target me.

I guess I could ask them "Where did you learn to be so uptight and controlling?"

For me personally, I tend to not ask about people's background unless it seems particularly interesting. I did recently ask where a guys family heritage was from because we looked similar.
I also tend not to make a Wizard of Oz reference if someone says their name is Dorothy because I am aware that for the person receiving the reference it is an old, boring, and useless reference.

If you do receive such questions as these about your past, it is likely best to assume the person is simply trying to connect with you in some way. Forgive them for their boring tired question you have heard a million times before.

Inherently the question "Where are you from originally?" is not racist, it is an honest inquiry when someone has gotten an indication that the person you are speaking with is from another place.

It could be they have a Boston accent while working in LA, that is a good indicator. Or even a Southern accent while in Minnesota. Going off of speech that doesn't match the local dialect. In that context, there is no problem.

However, in the context of this question, that situation described above is not what they they are referring to as having a racist connotation.

The situation that this question is referring to is not someone else hearing someone with a foreign accent, but based solely on someone's appearance asking the question. Asking that question based on those kinds of observations has the connotation built in, that people who look a certain way cannot have lived and grown up in the current country they are in. The person asking the question has a strong idea of what someone from their country looks like, and anyone different cannot be a fellow citizen. And many times when they keep insisting that they MUST be a fresh off the boat foreigner, or at least a second generation one, even after being corrected, further drives the point home that the questioner strongly believes the idea that there is a clear and obvious distinction from a natural citizen and a foreigner, based largely on appearance.

In that sense, yes it is racist. It is annoying when someone blatantly tells me that I can't be a real American, because many times people who ask questions from this kind of ignorance, believes that white people have more of a claim to be called real Americans, and everyone else can try and get sorta close but can never truly claim the title.

It is kind of funny how, in the US, people look at Hispanics as people who can never be real Americans, when just by ancestry, they are probably closer to the definition since their ancestors were in the Americas first.

Also, in reading a few of the answers, there is a a perception that racism is fueled from hatred. But no one thinks that sexism against women is fueled by hatred of women. I have heard many racist stupid things from many people, and I knew for a fact that they didn't hate me, they even said a few of those things because they liked me and they wanted me to know that they were totally okay with people like me, but it didn't make what they said any less idiotic, ignorant, or the sentiment any less destructive to the perception of my race, or what race they assume I am.

If someone went up to someone of Asian descent and said, "You have really good teeth for a Chinese person, they aren't buck teeth at all!" That person obviously doesn't convey hatred towards the person they are talking to or necessarily hatred towards Chinese people in general, but it doesn't make their assumptions any less ignorant or wrong.

So in the end it doesn't matter how much someone doesn't hate a particular race, if they believe and support the ignorant and untrue sweeping generalizations about a group of people, and believe that these traits are inherent in those particular people, and not based off of situation or environment, good or bad, the things that that person believes to be true are racist. I don't care if someone is insisting that I must do great hair, or that my culture has raised me to be subservient to men, if someone else is trying to tell me about who I must be, without knowing who I am or despite what they do know about me, I would consider their opinions about me, that are sourced in ignorance, racist.

Racism is privileging one race over another -- and it's also the belief in a bogus, useless concept: that surface, physical characteristics are meaningful/useful ways of classifying people.

Asking "Where are you originally from?" does not privilege one race over another or even posit that races exist. Even in a world without the concept of race, people would be from somewhere.

A question can only be a "racist" question if it needs (or strongly implies) a racist premise to make sense. For instance, "Why are people with dark skin less intelligent than people with light skin?" is a racist question, because one can only ask it if one has first accepted that people with dark skin are less intelligent than people with light skin.

There are gray-area questions, such as "How did you qualify for that job?" If asked to, say, a black person, the asker MIGHT be resting his question on a foundation of "black people are less qualified for jobs like this than white people." On the other hand, he might mean "How did you, someone who has proven himself to be really bad at this task, quality for a job in which you have to do it full time?" Or he might mean, "I want to get a job like that, so I'm curious as to what you did to qualify, so that I can do the same."

Taken literally, the premise of "Where are you from originally?" is simply that people are born someplace. That's not a racist claim. It's simply true.

Of course, people have reasons for asking questions. So the other underlying premise -- at least emotionally -- must be "It's interesting to me to know where you're from," otherwise, why ask the question.

Why might one person be interested in knowing where another person is from?

Well, ONE reason might be because he's a racist, and he thinks, for instance, that people from Africa are inferior to people from Europe, and he's trying to determine if he's talking to an inferior person (as he defines one).

Other possible reasons:

-- because he's interested in people's biographies, and "Where are you from?" is a pretty foundational question when it comes to biographies.

-- because he's detected an accent in the other person's speech and, being interested in accents, he's curious as to where the person's speech patterns developed.

-- because he loves to travel, either for real or by proxy, so when he meets anyone, he looks forward to learning about the country they come from.

-- because he's trying to make smalltalk with someone he doesn't yet know much about, and since everyone is from somewhere, it's a good bet the origins could be a topic of conversation.

Now, regardless of the intent or assumptions of the asker, the person being asked the question, if he's a member of a group that has been frequently marginalized based on origin, might make a reasonable, Occam's Razor assumption that the asker's intent is racist.

This might mean that the asker is socially tone deaf for asking the question, even if he isn't racist.

It also depends on one's definition of a racist act: is it something done by a person with racist intent or something received as racist? Can I be racist if someone feels I've been racist, even if I didn't intend to be racist and there are reasonable non-racist interpretations of my words or actions?

There isn't a right answer to that question. It depends on how you choose to define racism.

No. People are walking around so paranoid these days. It is a perfectly innocent question. It shows interest.

Everything is way off balance in this world in that respect. Why not ask someone where they are from? People do it all of the time. Different parts of the world are interesting in their own way. Its interesting to learn information about others.

How have we arrived at this point? Everyone is so insecure and feels so eager to blame others for how uncomfortable they feel in their own skin. They are so oversensitive to possibly being insulted, as if they are looking for it in everything people say. They think the worst of the most innocent actions. Our society has become distrustful, accusatory, alienated, threatened, and wholly imprisoned by all of it, like a bunch of children who feel justified in bullying possible bullies.

Isn't freedom an aspect of progress? Apparently we are either not progressing, or it isn't.

I think it is racist if you are asking someone because they happen to look differently than you do. It creates a "supremacist" attitude. "We're different. I belong you don't. This is my home, not yours."

No one is going to ask me, a white American, where I'm from. However, if I were any other color, I would be offended, but my answer would be the same, "I'm American."

To someone born and raised in the country of their birth, like Desmond Hardy, a black American, "Where are you from originally," is offensive. He's from America - originally. The only reason someone would ask him that question is the color of his skin.

A better way to ask someone that question would be, "Where do your ancestors come from?" For example, mine come from New York, by way of Eastern Europe. However, I have no idea why anyone would ask someone that question unless the conversation was somehow relevant, if we were talking about immigration or the Holocaust.

There are so many other questions you could as someone to get to know them. Pointing out you don't think they "belong" somehow isn't one of them.

The bottom line, it doesn't matter

I think the main problem is asking someone something like, "What country are you from?" when you have no actual reason to believe they would be from another country. It implies that you took a look at them and a part of your brain instantly registered them as Other and assumed your country isn't also theirs. It's sort of like any question that makes assumptions. There are ways you could better word such a question. I think this may be better, as an example:

"Did you grow up nearby? I grew up in Ohio. I like it here so much better in the city/ I miss all the untouched land."

You haven't asked a question that assumes they are not from wherever you are ("Did you" versus "Where did you") and you've established that not being from where you are can mean another part of the country as opposed to another country entirely. If they don't want to talk about it for some reason, they can just say yes or no and change the subject, whereas asking where they grew up requires sharing of information.

If you're from the U.S. one thing I've been told by several people from countries outside the U.S. is that Americans can come off as nosy. Something to remember.

Marcus Geduld has written a really nice answer so I'll just add my own experience as an Indian studying in the USA.

I have been asked "Where are you from?" so many times but until I came across this thread it had never entered my mind that the question could be considered offensive.

As I see it -
Many times the asker is genuinely trying to express some desire to know you better; at other times it is excellent small talk.

a. It's a conversation starter, usually followed by " I love Indian food./I want to visit India someday. " May or may not be entirely true, but is it polite conversation - definitely.
(To me, it just feels nice that the other person likes something about my country.)

b. It's a conversation starter followed by "Where in India?" if the person knows something of the country. It is a mild opportunity to show off one's general knowledge / try and show interest in the other person, depending on you. (Come on, if I were in India and an American spoke to me wouldn't I ask the same thing? "New York? So what do you think of the way it is depicted in TV shows? Is it anywhere close to reality?" considering that my knowledge of the city is based on Friends and Castle.)

c. It is a conversation starter to which I might respond with " And how about you?" (So that I can reciprocate as mentioned in (a)/(b). )

I live in a university town so everyone I meet is usually from some place (city/state/country) else so where are you from is a pretty standard question and people are happy to answer. Sometimes people are eager to share some insight into their origins since they're trying to make a point about something else. ( "I'm from X so I find it very cold here." or something like that.)

After going through this thread, however, I think I am going to have to be careful about asking this question to others. Perhaps "Have you always lived in <name of the place where you are> ?" is a safer option.

EDIT : Another completely different aspect of this question struck me today. Why are we all assuming that it is in an American context!!??

In Mumbai, it is perfectly acceptable to ask, " Where are you originally from?". Mumbai is a magnet for people all over the country and as a result very few people have a heritage that is rooted in Mumbai. Even if you were born and brought up in Mumbai, it is quite normal for people to reply " I was born and raised here but my family is originally from X." given that many people still have relatives and ancestral homes in other parts of the country. At other times it could be " I am originally from X and I moved here n years ago." Or,you can reply " My family has been in Mumbai for generations now. "

It is also interesting to note that in Mumbai is one of the places where newcomers can get assimilated the fastest, adding to the cosmopolitan culture.

I was born in Seoul Korea. I was adopted at the age of 6 months by my nonbiological parents who both hail from mostly Germanic ancestries. By default, I traded in my birth name of Kyung Ah Kim for my adopted "American" name of Amber Marie Fehrenbacher. I also have an adopted brother also born in Korea but is not biological. I had a quintessential Midwestern upbringing in a small town American setting of central Illinois, the land of Lincoln, corn & a whole lotta white people.