Me: Hello Papa

Father: Can you come home ASAP?

Me: Yes, anything serious? Is everything okay?

Father: Everything is fine. We have just fixed your wedding and the girl’s father wants to meet you.

Imagine its Sunday. You are chilling at your flat with your flatmates. Your biggest worry at present is who is going get up and go to the shop and get some Maggi and then that phone call comes. In an instant your life is turned upside down.

Little background to understand my situation clearly.

My home is in a fast developing city. My grandfather came to the city from a village and started a sweet shop and the business later went to my dad. Both my father and grandfather lacked vision so we were never able to expand our shop. Because our brand is old and we have a loyal set of customers, we are able to survive in this era of competition.

Now the premises where the shop is established and has been running since decades isn't ours. Its rented. Like millions of small shops all over India, we had no agreement, no rent incremental clause, nothing. We paid a rent of only about Rs. 3000 whereas the real rent of that area is about Rs. 20,000–25,000. Now as the next generation landlord got control over the premises, he immediately wanted us to vacate it. There was no question of increasing rent, no negotiations, nothing. We were told to vacate it. This being India, its extremely difficult to get someone to leave premises if he is holding it since long time. My father refused to vacate it and the matter went to court. We fought for good 3–4 years and finally it came to a point where we knew this case is lost.

Knowing the whole family business will go down and knowing all the income will immediately stop, my father had no choice but to try and find a way to get landlord to not kick us out. After all the shop was taking care of seven members in our family.

My family then consisted of Grandfather, Grandmother, Father, Mother, 2 sisters and myself. I also had an uncle, but he studied hard and got scholarship in USA where he is living now. He has cut all ties with our family because of my grandfather.

I always had high respect for my uncle. He had a vision, he knew there is no future in a small sweet shop and he knew his potential. I was inspired by him and I too didn’t wanted to inherit my family business. I wanted to work for a MNC/ bank and which is why I secured admission in a BBA course in a prestigious college far from home. I planned on doing PGDM in Finance after BBA. When my marriage happened, I was 20 yo doing my 2nd year in college.

Back to the landlord. The landlord wouldn't listen to anything. All he wanted was the shop to be vacated. My father came to know that the landlord has a daughter and its for her wedding the shop will be put on the market if needed. Out of nowhere, without even seeing the girl, my father suggested that what if I marry the landlords daughter.

Several things were discussed over 2–3 days. My photo was shown to the whole family. My horoscope was matched. I was completely unaware of anything happening. When the landlord said yes, my father gave me a call and asked me to come.

When I learnt about all this I was furious. I couldn't believe my dad has sold me like this. My dad explained everything to me like it’s no big deal and my time to give back to the family has come. When I cooled down, I sat with a pen and started figuring out ways on how to get out of this. The simplest was to convince my dad to relocate the shop. But he was dead against it. His only reason was we are only somewhat profitable because we are in that location. If we move no one will know us. And even if we move nearby, the rentals will eat a lot of our profits. How will we save for marriages of my two sisters? I explained to him calmly that “Papa, please let us manage for 3–5 years. I will then be in a position to take care of our family”. But my dad never listened.

A lot of arguments happened in our family. I still wasn't able to digest the fact that I am being used like this. Even more the fact that when solutions could be worked out and losing the premises isn't end of the world for our business. But my father was never a risk taker.

Landlord’s pressure was building to meet me. I had no other option but to go to their home. When I saw the girl I understood the whole story. The landlord was desperate to get his daughter married. Her daughter was 6 years elder to me and was double my size. She had a lot of black spots on her face. Later I got to know that the landlord has been searching a groom for her since ever but everybody kept saying no to her. Those who said yes, the girl rejected them.

Now I know many people will say why looks matter? Why are you so shallow? But trust me I am not. I don’t say looks matter but everybody looks for some attraction in his/ her partner. Be it face, personality, body language, skills, etc. The girl in question lacked everything. Forget all these for a minute, she was 6 years elder to me.

Landlord started dictating his terms. I shouldn't be rude to his daughter. I should properly take care of her. She should get everything she demands for. She should never be upset. He went on and on. My father kept saying “You dont worry, we are there. We will treat her like our daughter”. The whole time I kept thinking “papa, how can you do this to me. How can you.”

When we went home I had a huge fight with my dad. I told him I have a GF and its her that I want to marry and there is no thing in this world which can make me marry my current wife. Seeing me shouting on my father, my grandfather gave me tight two slaps and told me to behave. It was horrible scene that night at our place. All the family members crying. When no one was able to take it anymore and no conclusion was happening, my father clearly told me that if I don’t say yes to this Marriage, then I should forget that I have a family and I will be on my own. He then said that the next time you speak to me, I want a clear yes or a no. I don’t want to hear anything else, nor talk about anything else. My grandfather supported my father and said “when we can cut ties with your uncle, then we can definitely do that with you”

Never in my wildest imagination this thought would have come to me. I left the house for a bit to clear my mind. I called my GF and she cried a lot. She couldn't believe all this happened. Then I called my best friend and he too went into shock. He gave me a suggestion. He said to come back to the college and let some time pass. Once everybody had cooled down, things might work out.

I went back to college. I was in no position to confront my GF but I had to. I knew discussing anything with her won’t lead to anything. 3 days after I had returned, I got a call from my mother. She said the life back home has become hell. The landlord is coming daily and asking to fix a date for the wedding. He doesn't even want to wait for a month. Father is trying to push the dates but it isn't happening. I felt terrible for my mother because its her and my sisters who has to take my fathers anger. I called my father, he picked up and asked yes or no? I said papa, can you listen to me once. My dad started fuming like crazy and I had no option but to cut the call.

I cried in front of my best friend. He finally said “It’s time for you to man up and take a decision. You can sit here crying all you want but it wont help. You can either go back, do as your father say and save your family business. Or you can forget them. If you forget them, then I will ask my father to give you an education loan and you return that when you get a job. I will take care of your food and stay which you don’t need to pay me back. I will ask help everywhere in the college for you and we will somehow manage.”

I cried even more knowing I have such a true friend. I even started considering his proposal and we discussed a lot of details. That whole night we evaluated points and probable expenses and such. Finally the decision of leaving home was looking possible. But you cannot put emotions into the calculator. What about my mother? What about my sisters? I loved them. Even few days ago I loved my father. I would have died for him. So why am I not ready to sacrifice a big part of my life for him? After all he is my father.

I thought thought and thought. The more I thought the more assumptions came into my mind. I got a call from my youngest sister and she was crying. She said “Brother, please come home. Mother is constantly crying and grandfather has completely gone mad. He has started hitting us on small things and he has also hit mother a couple of times”. I lost it completely at that moment, called my father and said YES.

Preparations started and I got called back home. I told them I would arrive only 3–4 days prior to wedding because I didn’t wanted to miss my college. Meanwhile I became the most hated guy in college. Nobody cared to understand my situation. What mattered to everybody was I am taking dowry. Even a girl said she will report me to police but my friends stopped her from doing so. I lost my GF, I lost insane amount of respect, I lost tonnes of friends, I lost myself.

Now what about my wife? Let me start by saying this. The day she was leaving to my home with me, her father said “Beta, do as you please. We have bought them. You dont have to listen to anybody and take no shit from anyone. Always remember that you are the queen of their house”. And like queen she behaved. She refused to do any kind of household work. She wouldn't even do a job anywhere. If anybody say to her anything, she would call her father and cry. And then her father would call my father and tell him to behave otherwise he will make it difficult for us.

As planned I moved back to complete my BBA and she stayed at my home. But within 3months she was bored and wanted to come and stay with me. My father told me to rent a flat and sent her to live with me. It was so difficult to adjust with her. She always wanted to go out. She wouldn't care if my studies were affected or not. She constantly accused me of talking with other girl even though no girl wanted to talk with me. Soon my money ran out and I told my father that it is impossible to manage rent, her expenses and others with the money he is sending me. He told me to quit everything and come back and assist him in the shop.

I started searching for a job. I was luck enough to get a part time evening job through a guy from college. I thought I would be able to manage everything i.e. job, studies and wife but I simply wasn't able to. It was so difficult to believe that few months ago I was this happy guy who had no responsibilities and knew what exactly he was doing in life. I had a good life, good friends, great GF. But now I got nothing.

Fights with my wife increased alot. It was simply not possible for me to take her to movie and food court 2–3 times a week. She hated cooking, so we signed up for a tiffin service. She got bored of the food and demanded I hire a cook. I simply wasn't able to take it anymore and decided to move back.

Today I sit in the sweet shop with my father. I got no control and have to do as he says. I got no emotional connection with my wife. We are trying to have a kid and it wont be long before it happens. I hate my life and it has completely spoiled my relationship with my father.

I can say I feel for the girls out there who are forced into marriage. Everybody adjusts, but is everybody/ anybody happy?