Canada:
Yes, we do apologize if you bump into us.
Yes, it's cold. Not all year, but when it's cold, it's COLD.
Yes, we love hockey. Pretty well more than anything else.
Yes, we smoke more marijuana than just about anywhere else on earth.
Yes, we have extraordinarily clean and safe cities.
Yes, the country is both huge and empty. Most of us live within 150 km of the US border. Yes, you can, if you want, go for days without seeing another human.
Yes, we occasionally have bears, moose, and such wandering around in major cities.
Yes, the Canadian is the one who keeps saying "eh?".

On the other hand...
We make amazingly good wines.
We are among the most urban and cosmopolitan populations in the world.
Our major social issues have never been crime, homelessness, or poverty (although we take them all seriously). We just don't have enough of any of them.
Sure, we are sometimes mistaken for Americans. We honestly don't mind, even though we pretend to be offended. The reality is that apart from their tendency to shoot each other, we kinda like Americans and America.
We don't really have a military. It was turned into a government job-creation program forty years ago, and never quite got back on track. Nobody has ever noticed we don't have an army, because we haven't needed one.
We don't have a history, either. We decided that national histories are pretty divisive, what with all the wars and the winners and losers and long-standing grudges, and since we keep inviting more and more immigrants into the country, it's easier and friendlier not to bother remembering what we used to be. We are what we are, and tomorrow we'll probably be something else.
We claim responsibility for poutine and butter tarts.

You should know that...
What you hear on the CBC has little to do with the way most Canadians think. It's a limited, downtown-Toronto viewpoint which is as representative of the average Canadian as Manhattan is of the U.S., or the City is of England.
You can't get there today. It takes about 10, 8-hour days to drive from St John's, Newfoundland to Victoria, B.C.
We don't all speak French. In fact, fewer than a quarter of us do.
We have a huge n...