This is a story about how I could have done something utterly stupid, but luckily didn't.
I met this guy at work. We grew pretty close and moved from acquaintances to close friends within a short span of time. He was dating few girls back then. We always used to talk about them and laugh during lunch breaks. I did not have any feelings or emotions for him and I was pretty sure about that. We used to discuss and laugh about his girlfriends and my crushes. But, I loved spending time with him.
This one girl he liked flew all the way to see him over a weekend. I don’t know why I felt so restless over that weekend. I didn't want to call him and disturb him over weekend.

On Monday, we were having lunch and I asked him about the weekend. He told me he had a great time with her and he kissed her. I dropped my spoon and started weeping, not just weeping, sobbing uncontrollably. Luckily, there was no one else in the pantry. I fled from that place while there was a dumb stricken look on his face. I cried all the way back home. I rejected and ignored all his calls and messages. Next day was a public holiday and I had enough time to contemplate and decided that I would resign from the job very next day. I couldn't bear working with him. I had not yet figured out what emotions I was going through. I started looking for new positions the entire day whilst sobbing and nose blowing (yes, still). Finally, I had to give up and picked up his call since he had given like a zillion missed calls.

I tried to be brave and apologized for my behavior and declared the end of our friendship. He begged me not to do that. Even, he did not know what was happening. He told me he would end things with her and all he asked was to stay friends with me. This made me sad and happy at the same time for some reason. So, I told him that I wasn't bothered by that and I would stay friends with him. He kept dating her, but our friendship seemed more formal since. His relationship with her was strained too and I could see that. But, I never talked to him about that.

But for some reason, he used to call me every night and we spoke for hours till dawn. I knew I wasn't supposed to do that with a guy who had a girlfriend. But, I was dying to talk to him every night. One fine day, the dreaded couple broke up for some dreaded reason. He called me that night and asked me to hug him and we just slept with our phones in our hands.
Five years down the line, I am looking at him snoring as I pen this down. All the way, I loved him. That was what made me sob uncontrollably. I have my very obvious reason. I am glad I did not end our friendship and I am glad I did not resign back then.

I had my doubts if he felt the same way all the way. One day, I stumbled across this chat with his “dreaded-ex”. He had mentioned about me to her .He had told how much he was close to me and how he adored me. Obviously, the “dreaded-ex” was furious. But, I guess we have talked enough about her. I need to get my sleep now as I need to prep for a big event in few days - Our wedding :)